Please Come Back
by TheSleepyNinja15
Summary: With love comes pain. Before healing there is hurting. AU
1. chapter 1

**TRIGGER WARNING:** **Attempted suicide**

 **Also will contain cussing.**

 **Hope you'll enjoy this new story.**

 **Chapter 1**

 _"I love her."_

The cold water from the faucet slowly and satisfyingly fills the bath tub she is in. She watches as it reaches the middle of her legs causing unwelcomed goosebumps on her skin. _Up, up, go up, up,_ she chants on her head. _Up, up, until it gently kisses my lips, up until it painfully invades my lungs, up until it becomes the air I breathe. Up, up, go up._

 _"I'm sorry."_

She wants to turn the faucet more to fill the tub faster, but her limbs are just too lazy, are just too dead to move so she waits and waits and waits until the warm water cocoons her body like a protective blanket. Like a newborn baby wrapped around a soft cloth.

How ironic, she wants to laugh, to compare herself to a baby, someone who is just starting a life, when she is lying here waiting for her own to end. _How ironic. How cruel._

 _"It's not your fault. It's just… the love between us has faded."_

Raising her left hand, she studies the ugly wrinkles forming in the ivory surface of her palm. She imagines of being old – wrinkling, back bent, hair white. She imagines of not seeing sharply with her own eyes, seeking the aid of a pair of worn glasses to read the newspaper. She imagines of little hands guiding as she walks around their imaginary house, of the childish laughter that would echo through the halls, of the word 'grandma' being uttered by youthful lips.

She imagines, imagines and imagines of an age she will never reach.

 _"I'm seeing her for two months now."_

The water is at her neck now, overflowing the edge of the tub creating an artificial pool on the floor of the bathroom. That water like her sadness overflowing from her heart with no room left to fill in her body. That sadness that has become her own pool of misery and pain for the last eight months.

She just wants it out of her body, out of her soul, out of her. She just wants it out. Period.

So she reaches for the blade that is floating on the tub, runs her finger on its sharp edge and watches as scarlet blood escapes her skin.

 _Out._

She proceeds to make cuts on her arms fascinated by how red taints white, by how she feels peace in every sting it makes, by how everything, everything disappears but the lines on her skin – her only focus, the only escape.

 _Water, up._

 _Blood, out._

It's been a while since she feels this kind of serenity and she wants to keep it forever so she cuts her thighs, her legs until the water is a sea of red.

She stares deliberately at her wrist, the final key to her bliss. Her skin has been so transparent for she has been barely eating that she quickly sees the purple veins beneath. There they are, thin and long, calling out to her, making it easy for her to make the final cut. Too easy. Thank you.

But before that she needs to say goodbye. To completely let go of this world. She thinks of freely floating in the sky like a kite, with nothing to worry, with nothing to feel, just the gentle wind beneath her carrying her away from here. Of feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin. Light, it has been gone to her lately, but hopefully, she'll see it again this time. A peaceful smile graces her lips. She'll see it again soon. Picking up her phone on the sink, she dials his number and listens to it ring.

She counts the seconds until the familiar female voice answers her. Another smile. Of course, he won't answer. He never answers her calls anymore.

Gently, she lets her phone floats on the tub and retrieves the blade. She feels her veins carefully, trying to remember what she has read through the internet. Ah, this vein right here.

Closing her eyes, the blade slowly digs deeper, cuts deeper, slice deeper, it's painful and yet... and yet all C.C. can think of is, _finally._

* * *

"So when are you going to talk to her?"

"Today."

"Fucking finally, Lelouch. Finally. You fucked us up real bad."

Lelouch finishes drinking his coffee and looks defeatedly at his best friend. "I know. I know, Suzaku. That's why I'm going to fix this. To fix us."

"Do you think she's going to accept you again after what you've done?"

"I don't know. But if I need to kneel before her, I will. If I need to start over again, I will. If I need to quit my career just to properly fix this mess, I will."

Suzaku shakes his head as he stomps his cigarette on the ash tray. "You bastard, why did you wait this long. Shirley and you have broken up four months ago and before that you already know that you've made the wrong decision. But why just now? Why did you wait this long?"

Lelouch looks out the window of the cafeteria and observes the rain that is gently pouring outside. She has always loved the rain. Always marvels the cold and serenity it brings. It made her feel at peace she said.

"I just want to be sure this time. I don't want to make decisions that will hurt other people again, especially her. So I have to make myself sure. I need to be sure."

Suzaku lets out a mirthless laugh. "Idiotic bastard. Throwing away a seven-year relationship, a ten-year friendship, for a fling that lasted barely six months. Lelouch Lamperouge, for all your intelligence, you made the dumbest and most pathetic decision ever. I can't still believe that I stuck with you after all this time and not with C.C. and Kallen," he stares at his friend with full determination, "If you fucked this up again, I'll be the one to make sure that you won't see her again, understood?"

Lelouch nods seriously. "I understood." He stands and picks up his keys. "I'll be going then."

In his car, he retrieves his phone and checks for any messages. He has forgotten that he put it into silent mode. Unlocking it, he finds a missed call from a familiar number.

His heart suddenly beats so fast. She called! She finally called and he missed it! It's been months since she last called him, and he didn't answer it at that time. But now...

But now, she called and he is going to her to ask for forgiveness, to ask for a second chance and she called which means that somehow, even the tiniest bit, there's a chance that she won't turn him away, right?

Taking a deep breath, he dials her number and waits for her to pick up.

 _Sorry, the number you have dialed is currently unattended or out of coverage area. Please try again later._

Well, he should not waste time sitting here and go there himself to face her. He throws his phone to the passenger seat and starts his car. As he makes his way to C.C.'s apartment, _to their apartment before_ , he hopes and prays to every god and saint that it is not too late.

Please, don't let him be too late.


	2. chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Lelouch parks his car outside C.C.'s apartment complex and stays for a good few seconds to compose himself. He thinks of the right words to tell her, of his apologies and regrets, of his remorse for himself for ruining the one thing that kept his life moving. He thinks of all the wrong decisions he made, of every pain he had caused her during their separation. He lets himself wallow and suffer when he remembers how her bright golden eyes slowly died when he told her the truth – what he thought was the truth back then. How her playfulness vanished when they rarely crossed paths after breaking up. How her vibrant emerald hair became limp. How she became skinnier every time he saw her. How she never smiled again. And he promises that never ever in his life will he cause her such unbearable and terrible pain. He promises that he will make up to her for the rest of his life. Because she was his life. She _is_ his life.

He almost never met her, almost not to get to breathe the same air with her. And the idiotic bastard that he is just ruined that God-given time with her for a brief intense fling he thought was true.

He's a fucking idiot.

Taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes and readies himself. He'll knock on her door and if she opens it, he will… he will what? Where would he start? How would he start? Will she even give her the time of the day? Is she even at the apartment?

Whatever. He will go nowhere when he stays longer inside his car, so he goes out and proceeds inside the building.

If C.C. doesn't accept him, he is willing to start over and over again.

* * *

The door is ajar when Lelouch reaches the apartment. Not forgetting his manners, he presses the doorbell on the wall and is answered by a hysterical woman voice shouting, 'Help'.

Without thinking twice, Lelouch barges into the apartment and tries to locate the voice of the woman who is continuously asking for help. For he recognizes that voice very well, and the way she uses this voice only means one thing.

No. Please, no.

"Kallen!"

A crying red-haired woman comes out from the kitchen, her white blouse bloody and ruined. "Le-Lelouch…"

"Where is she, Kallen?" he asks with urgency. He can feel the panic setting in. Damn, he is already panicking. His heart is beating too loud for his ears. His hands are starting to shake.

He needs to calm down. He needs to think straight and quick.

"In the bathroom…" he immediately runs to the bathroom as Kallen continues to speak and cry while following him. "I called the ambulance already but they are taking too long. I-I j-just got here to give bring h-her some food. I don't know how long she's in the tub. Oh God."

It is the scarlet-colored water that is flooding the floor that he sees first. Then, her ivory arm that is hanging from the edge of the tub where the blood is flowing out of her wrist. Her eyes are gently closed and a serene smile is on her lips.

And she is so pale. So, alarmingly, deathly pale.

"C.C.!" Crouching, he puts his arms below her legs and shoulders and scoops her out of the tub. "C.C. wake up, wake up!" He tries to shake her as he carries her out of the apartment and into his car. He cannot wait for the ambulance. He will bring her to the hospital himself as fast as he can. Traffic rules be damned.

He puts her to the back seat wherein Kallen automatically enters and places her friend's head on her lap.

"Hold on, C.C. We are bringing you to the hospital. Please hold on," he can hear Kallen mutters from behind.

Starting the car he tells her, "Cover her cut to temporarily stop the bleeding then call Suzaku. You still have his number, right?" The woman nods. "Good. We will need him."

And with that, he speeds out of the parking lot praying to every holy he knows to save the one girl he truly loves.

* * *

"Emergency!" Lelouch shouts as they enter the hospital.

He carries C.C. in his arms, unconscious and dripping wet, leaving a trail of scarlet on the white pristine floor.

Nurses quickly come to him and transfer C.C. to a hospital bed which they immediately rolled towards the Emergency Room.

"What happened, sir?" one of the nurses asks.

"S-Suicide… Attempted suicide." Just getting those words out of his mouth brings him insufferable pain. "Save her. Do everything that you can to save her."

The nurse nods. "We will do everything. I'm sorry but you can no longer enter here. Please wait in the hall."

"Please, save her!" he shouts to the swinging doors of the emergency room.

God, please save her.

He breathes heavily as he watches the doors swing back and forth like a hand saying 'bye-bye'.

He is about to turn around when a fist meets his cheek making him stumble backwards.

"This is your fault, Lelouch," Kallen angrily tells him. Her eyes are starting to swell from all the crying but they are all blazing with anger and hatred for him. He gladly welcomes them.

Another punch on his other cheek. "This is your goddamn fault! If she doesn't make it this time, I swear to God…Lelouch, I swear to God…" The redhead is about to punch him again when a hand grabs her wrist and puts it behind her.

"That's enough, Kallen," Suzaku says but she tries to struggle and get rid of his hold.

"No, it's not enough! It's not enough for what he did to C.C.," she shouts while pointing at him with her other hand. "And if I lose my best friend because of this bastard… If I lose her…" suddenly all of her fury and energy leaves her body and she slumps on the floor with a thud, head bowed, chest heaving.

Lelouch touches his stinging cheek and leans on the wall behind him all the while thinking of everything that just happened.

He feels... blank.

Gone.

Empty.

There's a black void in his chest that comes out of nowhere sucking all of his emotions, his feelings and his thoughts. A whirlpool of ebony that deprives him of being able to feel and react.

 _He must be in shock,_ he thought.

Turning his head, he stares at the closed doors of the emergency room.

 _Come out_. _Open the door and come out._

He can almost see it – C.C. standing behind those doors, watching them, might be a little surprised that all of them are gathered in one room after their friendship had ended months ago. He can almost see her laughing at them for they look pathetic and a crazy mess of anger, fear and frustration.

"My dear friends, how low have you fallen," she would say not unkindly but with a hint of adoration and teasing.

 _Stop teasing us and come out of that room._

 _Walk out of that room and throw us that triumphant smirk of yours because you've won again._

 _You always win._

"C.C."

"Lelouch."

Slowly, he turns to the source of the voice and sees Suzaku holding out a bottle of water to him, staring at him worriedly. "Why don't we sit down?"

He numbly follows his friend and notices that Kallen has already calmed down and is already sitting at the other chair, holding her own bottle.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Suzaku asks.

Lelouch opens his mouth then closes it again. He does this a couple of times until he surrenders to the fact that his voice can't form any coherent word at the moment.

"C.C. cut her wrist," they hear from the opposite side. They turn to Kallen whose head is bowed with her hands clasped on top of her legs. "I found her in the bathtub with the water above her chin. There was blood everywhere. The water has turned red," Kallen's voice begins to shake, "I don't know how long she has been like that. I almost did not go to her apartment earlier but I remembered how she skips meals nowadays. I… Oh God," she lifts her head and a new set of fresh tears are starting to leak from her cerulean eyes, "What if I didn't?"

"You did and that's what matters." Surprised by his voice, Lelouch holds Kallen's eyes doing his best to send her assurance and comfort.

Kallen stares at him with a hint of resentment still lingering in her eyes. "Why are you even there? Are you going to give her more pain than you already have?"

"No. I…" He turns away not knowing how to say the right words.

Crossing her arms, the girl lets out a mirthless laugh. "Don't tell me you were there because you realized you were the biggest idiot and you were going to ask for forgiveness because you want to be with her again."

Silence.

"I want to punch you so hard right in the face again Lelouch Lamperouge. I don't care if that will ruin your features."

"Stop this already," Suzaku interrupts. "Let's set aside our issues first and try to think of how we're going to get through this. Kallen, is this the first time that it happened again?"

"This is her second attempt."

"Second?"

"Her second attempt to end her life since their separation," she answers coldly.

Lelouch closes his eyes and inhales deeply.

 _Breathe in, breathe out._

 _Can you hear me? Follow me, C.C., breathe in, breathe out._

 _It's gonna be alright._

He can feel his hands shaking and turning cold.

 _"This is her second attempt."_

And before that there have been a few, but she stopped doing it.

She stopped longing for death for a while.

This is his fault. Kallen is right. This is his fucking fault.

 _"Lelouch, I just want to feel something. Why can't I feel anything? Everything is just heavy. I want this to end."_

 _"I'm here, C.C. I'll carry the burden with you."_

 _"You're here."_

 _"I'm not going anywhere."_

But he left her.

But she was alone.

The sound of footsteps takes him out of his thoughts and a doctor emerges from the room.

"Family of the patient."

They all stand and go to him.

"I'm her sister," Kallen lies.

The doctor stares at her for a while as if suspicious if this red-haired woman is really bloodrelated to the green-haired lady in the room, and then nods. "The patient lost a great amount of blood. There are also cuts on her legs and arms though they are not that deep. We also found signs of early stage of hypothermia. If you have found her a minute later, we might have lost her. But she is now in a stable condition. We closed her wounds and have replaced the blood she had loss."

A loud sigh of relief from the trio permeates the air. Lelouch can feel like he can finally breathe again, like every breath he had taken was a tick of the clock, a countdown for the unknown judgment of his sins. And now he breathes like there's no tomorrow because she is also breathing the same air as him. Though she would be more likely breathing with the help of an oxygen apparatus.

But she is breathing.

C.C. is breathing.

"Can we see her?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor, a man with thick white hair and round glasses, looks at the wary faces before him grimly. "There's another thing that you need to know. The patient is currently in coma."


	3. chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Are you sure about this, Lelouch? You're taking an indefinite time of leave?"

Lelouch solemnly nods from the other side of his manager's desk. He had thought about this a million times and for a million times he reached the same answer: Yes, he's going to leave his acting career indefinitely so that he can take care of C.C. It doesn't matter to him that he is at the top of his game right now, that producers and directors are fighting to get him for their movies and shows. That high-end fashion magazines and brands are thirsty to get him to model for them. It doesn't matter if he is the hottest thing person now in the entertainment industry. It never matters anyway. But all he is going to prioritize now is C.C. and her recovery. He will not let himself do the same mistakes again.

"But we have already signed a contract with Clovis's Entertainment and the shoot will start next week. If you back out now, I can't guarantee you that things won't get messy. They may file a 'Breach of Contract' case against you."

"Do I look like I care about that Milly? Let them file a case and have my lawyers work for it. As for the press statement, I already made one. Just release them to the media if you're satisfied by it. My leave is going to start today no matter what happens."

Sighing, Milly takes off her glasses and wipes her eyes. Hearing a news like this first thing in the morning brings heavy exhaustion to her. She hasn't even taken a sip of her coffee when Lelouch came into her office, all determined and serious. "And what about the photos? Some of the people from the hospital were able to take a photo of you bloody and hysterical while carrying C.C. We have acquired some of them and talked to the owners not to release them. But there are still left out there. What do you want to do about it?"

"I don't want to see any of it released. Immediately file a case against anyone who will. C.C.'s privacy should be protected at all cost."

Nodding, Milly says. "I understand… So, you're really doing this? For a girl, you're going to leave your sparkling career?"

Lelouch, with all the tension running through his body since he entered the room, deflates and lets out a deep breath. "Yes, I am doing this. I'm sorry if this came so suddenly and messed with all the schedules and agreements but… But I need to."

"Well then, I wish you all the best. I'll be praying for C.C.'s recovery. I like that girl, too."

Relieved, Lelouch stands up and shakes the hand of his manager. "Thank you, Milly. I really appreciate it."

* * *

"Why are you here?"

"I'm here to visit C.C."

Kallen glares at the man before her, arms crossed infront of her chest, legs spread like a soldier guarding her territory. She is talking to Satan himself after all, the number one man on her blacklist, her most hated man at the moment.

"No," she firmly declares.

"I just want to know if she's doing fine," Lelouch desperately appeals.

"If by 'fine' you mean unresponsive, still in coma with oxygen tubes attached to her then yes, she is fine. Now. Go."

"Kallen, please…"

"I'm sorry, but only families are allowed to be here. You can leave those flowers on the chair so the janitor can collect them. Good bye, Lelouch."

With that, she leaves him there on the hallway, alone and rejected.

Kallen enters C.C.'s room and immediately goes to her side and holds her free hand. She plasters on a smile on her face despite her companion not seeing it. "Hey, I'm back. Did you miss me?" laughing at her own statement, she adds, "It's the other way around isn't it? Is your dream that good? You've been asleep for two days now. Cheese-kun misses you tremendously. He's been asking when you are going to return home and sleep beside him again. Even the Pizza Hut owner has been asking about you."

Silence.

Squeezing her friend's limp hand, Kallen continues, "Gino's being an idiot this morning. He rejected a photo shoot to be held for a week outside the city just because, and I quote, 'I don't want to be away from my wife and future daughter. What if something bad happens to them and I am not there? I am the SuperDad, the protector of my family'," rolling her eyes, she lets out a chuckle, "he's being hysterical again. My tummy isn't even that big yet."

Silence.

"Hey, do you remember that girl Anya? The one with the pink hair and expressionless face who always buy cat food? Well, she stopped by the store earlier and sent her well-wishes for your recovery. Here, she gave this to you." Opening her blue leather shoulder bag, she fishes out a white kitten keychain and places it in her friend's hand. "It's pretty cute. She said she made it by herself."

Silence.

Kallen stares at the peaceful and gentle face of C.C. – the woman who has been her best friend since she was ten. Coming from both neglectful households, their first encounter was in a public park, after she escaped from her father's beating – bruised and hurting, and C.C. was _unintentionally_ forgotten on the bench by her drug addicted parents who went home totally forgetting that they brought their child with them in the park.

She had sat beside the quiet green-haired girl as she tried to wipe away the crusted blood on her face. Kallen remembered how still and silent C.C. back then. How she looked like an unmoving doll in the middle of the park – back straight, eyes facing forward. Her ten-year old mind almost believed that she was a real doll if not for her blinking golden eyes and her steady way of breathing.

Because of her clumsiness, Kallen had hit her hurting elbow at the back of the bench causing her to scream in pain. This had caught C.C.'s attention and the still girl turned to the other girl beside her.

 _"Here, you still have blood on your cheek," ten-year old C.C. said while offering her handkerchief._

 _"I don't need it. What are you doing here?" Kallen replied stubbornly._

 _With the trait that she still carries until adulthood, C.C. raised her eyebrow and put the handkerchief on the space between them._

 _"I'm waiting for Papa and Mama."_

 _"Where did they go?"_

 _"I don't know."_

 _Not another word was uttered again after that. No conversation emerged until evening came when Kallen was fetched by her equally bruised brother leaving C.C. alone and silent on the park bench._

 _They didn't see each other again, not until the start of the next school year when they found themselves in the same class._

"I brought the 'Sleeping Beauty' book that you love so much. Funny how you're in the same situation as her now, huh? Dr. Asplund said that it might help for you to wake up faster if we talk or read to you so don't judge my reading voice, C.C. This is for your own good," she good-naturedly warns.

Time passes by quickly and the next thing that Kallen knows, her husband is at the door to take her home. She had taken a nap after her reading session, ate some of the snacks she brought with her and read another book to her friend.

"It's time to go home, sweetheart," Gino gently says.

Looking out the window, the woman sees that it's already night time. "I can't. No one's staying here at night."

"But you also need to rest."

"What if she wakes up and she's alone? Gino, I can take care of myself. I've brought all my necessities and vitamins here. I even bring a change of clothes."

Gino strides inside the room and crouches beside his wife. Caringly rubbing her shoulders, he comforts her, "I know you can. You're the strongest person I've ever met, but you're not only living for yourself this time. Let me take care of you, will you?"

"You should have just taken that photo shoot," Kallen utters under her breath. Sighing, she looks at the aqua-blue eyes of her husband, so kind, understanding and playful. She can't hold on to her words for so long when he's staring at her like that. "Fine. But I'll be back here early tomorrow."

"Yes, ma'am. And C.C. will not be totally alone, you know."

"Huh?"

Standing up, Gino offers his hand and helps Kallen stand up. Without letting go of her hand, he guides her towards the door where he says, "Lelouch is outside. Looks like he's been there since noon."

"What?" Kallen hisses as she pulls on her husband's hand. "I can't let that bastard get near C.C. again, especially unsupervised. Who knows what lies he'll tell my friend. There's no way I'll let that man get inside this room."

"But what if she's the one C.C.'s been waiting for? What if his voice is what she needed to hear for her to wake up? Lelouch is the reason all of this happened, he might also be the answer to your prayers."

"I hate you right now, Gino."

"I know. But we need to try. And I assure you, the last thing that Lelouch will do is to hurt her again. Believe me, I saw it in his eyes."

With a heavy heart, Kallen nods dejectedly and agrees to Gino's suggestion. _Just for this night,_ she tells herself. _It's better to have someone watching over her than none._

She sees him sitting on the plastic chair outside the room with his head bowed down. He looks he is like sleeping, or thinking, or mulling over some deep thoughts. His longish ebony hair shields his face from the outside world creating a barrier between him and the others.

Kallen clears her throat and speaks in a stern voice. "I see you didn't leave."

Lelouch slowly looks up and stares at her. "Yeah. I can't make myself leave."

"Well, even though I'm against it, you can look after her tonight. Doctor Asplund will be making his rounds soon so listen carefully to what he is going to say."

Lelouch nods.

"I am warning you, Lamperouge."

"I got it, Kallen. I'll take care of her."

Partly satisfied with the determination and courage she sees in his amethyst eyes, Kallen grabs her husband's hand and leads them out of the hospital.

* * *

Lelouch isn't sure what he expected upon entering the hospital room.

The oxygen tube connected to C.C. catches him off-guard.

The steady beeping of the heart monitor brings small comfort to his mind.

The unnerving silence conquering each corner of the room violently screams into his being – mocking, blaming, overwhelming.

His feet feel so heavy as he takes every step towards the bed, heart hammering, ears ringing. He is suddenly lightheaded and dizzy.

 _Just a few more steps and he'll be beside her._

 _Just a few more, Lelouch._

He is beside her.

Staring down at her sleeping face, Lelouch tentatively tries to touch her face but stops himself. Instead, he settles on holding her hand and another wave of overwhelming emotion strikes him again.

He needs to sit down or his knees will give up. Grabbing the nearby chair with his other hand, Lelouch settles himself and takes a deep, calming breath.

How long has it been since he had touched her like this?

How long has it been since he had felt her soft cold skin against his warm one?

How long has it been since he had intertwined his long fingers in-between her slender ones?

How long has it been since he had allowed himself to be this near to her?

How long… How long… Too long, indeed.

"I'm sorry," he says, breaking the silence. He watches the steady rise and fall of her chest – a quiet sign of her life.

"I'm sorry…" he repeats. The beeping of the heart monitor a stable reminder of her beating heart.

"For I was weak and selfish." His hand squeezes hers gently.

"For breaking your heart and trust." A single tear falls down his cheeks.

"For breaking all the promises that I've made." His voice starts to shake as a lump forms on his throat.

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone, C.C. For ignoring your calls and messages. For thinking that I made the right choice. For not believing in us the way you did… I'm sorry that I am a weak, idiot bastard who easily gave into temptation, throwing away the most beautiful thing we had… I am very sorry that it took me this long to realize it. I don't deserve you. C.C…"

Reaching out, he caresses her face as he thinks, _beautiful, beautiful, so goddamn beautiful_. Her cheeks look healthier than the other day, a sprinkle of pink is already peppering her skin, though she is still so thin and bony to be healthy.

 _I remembered how she skips meals nowadays._

 _Her second attempt to end her life since their separation._

"I-I don't deserve you but I will try and give my best to make it up to you. I will do my best to make you genuinely smile again. I am willing to start over and over and over again if it means I can be with you."

His hands begin shaking as more tears fall down his face. "When you wake up, you can curse at me, throw things at me, punch me, you can do whatever you like if it would make you feel better just… wake up and be well."

 _"Hey Lelouch, do you know why I love winter?"_

 _"Hmmm? Because you love the cold."_

 _"Aside from that, it's the only time that I can feel your warmth the most."_

"Cecilia… Will you forgive me?"

* * *

C.C. didn't wake up that night.

Neither did she the next day and the day after.

Somehow, Kallen and Lelouch created a schedule of who will be in the hospital during the day and during the night. Suzaku also frequently visited and stayed for a while, bringing some board games to ease the boredom.

There's still a bit of a tension among the three, but most of it comes from the protectiveness and stubbornness of Kallen that the two men understand.

Kallen had also brought Cheese-kun and lay him down beside C.C. Her room is overflowing with flowers from the customers of the pet shop and the Pizza Hut owner.

C.C. didn't wake up on the sixth and seventh day.

She did on the eighth.

It is Sunday.


	4. chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It is Kallen who is with her when C.C. wakes up.

The redhead is in the process of taking her vitamins when she hears a slight movement behind her. Turning around, she sees that nothing has been displaced, everything is peaceful and silent, but as her eyes land on the still form of her friend, two golden irises stare back at her.

Kallen gets frozen on her place.

She watches as C.C. struggles to let out a word but no sound would come out of her mouth. This releases Kallen from her surprised stupor and quickly goes straight to her friend's side.

"C.C.! C.C. you're awake!" she exclaims while holding the lady's hand.

All C.C. can do is nod.

"I'll just get the doctor, okay? Just, just don't close your eyes."

Kallen returns with Dr. Asplund just seconds after she left to fetch him. She watches with a loud beating heart as the nurse gives her friend a glass of water to drink. She watches breathlessly as the doctor examines her friend's eyes, mouth and asks her if there is a part of her body that is painful. She watches as her best friend finally, finally responds, speaks and moves like a living person should be.

Kallen watches as C.C. returns back to life.

"Mrs. Weinberg, please come over. You may talk to the patient now. Her responses to our examination are normal and so far, the results of the tests we have taken our good. We can see her be possibly released two days from now. Just keep her nourished and healthy and she can be fully recovered soon," Dr. Asplund explains.

"I understand. Thank you, Doctor."

Returning to her friend's side, a sudden feeling of relief and happiness wash-over Kallen that she bites her lips to stop them from trembling.

"Kallen," C.C. softly utters.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

"Weak… disoriented, but okay." C.C. wanders her eyes on her surroundings. "Did I…?"

"Yeah, but you don't need to think about it now. We'll focus on your recovery, okay?"

Nodding, C.C. partly closes her eyes. "I'm hungry."

This elicits a giggle from the redhead. "Of course, of course you are. I'll just prepare some soup."

She gladly heats up the homemade soup she brought from her home. When it's done, she spoon feeds her friend who takes every serving eagerly finishing the bowl in no time.

"I want pizza."

"I don't think it's already good for your diet. I have – "

"Please, Kallen."

No, no, no, she shouldn't. C.C. might be stable now but her stomach has been empty for too long, it might just refuse any heavy meal it will take. But C.C. is looking at her with her fake pleading eyes, and oh how much she had missed those tricks from her. How much she had thought and feared that she won't be seeing them again.

Sighing, Kallen surrenders to her friend. "Fine. But promise me that you will eat it slowly."

"I promise."

She dials Pizza Hut but the delivery line is busy. Looking at the clock, Kallen notices that it's almost time for Lelouch to arrive. Oh, she'll just have him buy and bring pizza here.

"Kallen, have you ordered?"

"The delivery line is busy. I'll just have Lelouch bring one here," she answers nonchalantly.

"Lelouch?"

"Yeah, we make a schedule of who visits…"

It's almost time for Lelouch to arrive.

Lelouch.

Kallen's eyes widen upon realization. Oh my God, how can she forget him! He, who is the root of it all, who triggered C.C. to attempt suicide, might be on his way here. And she just carelessly drop his name out there, loud and clear. This is not good. This is so not good. His presence could affect C.C.'s recovery and emotional health and she can't have her best friend be hurt again.

Glancing back at her friend, she looks for some sign of distress and anger in her eyes and posture but all she could see is C.C. staring back, waiting for her to finish her sentence.

"I-I'm sorry. If you don't want to see him, I'll call him immediately."

C.C. shakes her head. "I don't care. As long as he can bring pizza here, it's okay."

Huh?

"Are you sure?" To say that Kallen is surprised is an understatement. How can C.C. be so flippant about him? How isn't she affected by his name?

Carefully, Kallen sits down beside her and holds her hand.

"What are you being so serious about, Kallen?"

"I… Is it okay for him to be here?"

Now, a confused look graces C.C. face. "Well, he's going to bring me pizza, right? That's a big okay in my book."

"But…"

C.C. squeezes her hand. "Don't worry, I'll be good to your boyfriend."

What?

"Boyfriend? Lelouch is not my boyfriend."

"Oh. Well, I guess I'll just tell him my gratitude for bringing pizza and spending time here. You said that you have a schedule of who's going to visit, right? Is he a good friend of yours?"

What. Is. Happening.

Why is she acting like she doesn't know Lelouch? Why… wait.

WAIT.

Kallen stares deeply into C.C.'s golden eyes and searches for clues and signs that she is tricking her. She tries to find the playful glint that signals she's only joking. Yet she found nothing but genuine curiosity from her friend.

Slowly and in a low voice that she tries to steady, Kallen inquires, "C.C. do you remember Lelouch?"

The green-haired woman shakes her head. "No. So you need to introduce us properly… Wait, should I know him?"

"Uh…"

Kallen isn't able to answer her.

Kallen does not know how to answer her.

* * *

Lelouch received the call on his way to the hospital. He speeds up his car as he tries to avoid the upcoming red light but fails. Groaning, he leans back to the driver's seat and think of his conversation with Kallen a while ago.

 _"Lelouch, where are you?" The serious voice of Kallen made him wary._

 _"I'm already on my way. Is everything okay there?"_

 _Silence._

 _"Y-Yeah. Actually, C.C. has woken up earlier. And she is asking for pizza, so could you buy one and bring it here?"_

 _"Wait, wait, she's awake?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Oh. Well, I'll buy pizza and then go straight there. I'll be fast."_

 _"Wait. There's one more thing, Lelouch."_

 _"What is it?"_

 _Please let her be fine._

 _"Uhh… She doesn't remember you and other things. Dr. Asplund said that she might have selective amnesia due to traumatic events and from the severe blood loss, so her brain chose to forget certain memories that trigger dark and unwanted emotions."_

 _"Lelouch?"_

 _"I-I understand. I'll get her pizza and be there."_

 _"Thank you."_

And now he's stuck in traffic.

He glances at the box of pizza that lies on the passenger seat. So, she doesn't remember him, huh.

 _Selective amnesia due to traumatic events_

 _Her brain chose to forget certain memories_

A bubble of dark laughter starts making its way inside his chest until he is full on insanely and helplessly laughing in his car. His body shakes with unstoppable tremor as tears form at the edges of his eyes.

Her brain chose to forget him.

Her brain CHOSE to forget him.

This is his punishment. His goddamn punishment for what he had done. Because he doesn't deserve her anger nor her forgiveness.

He deserves to be forgotten.

The loud horn of the vehicles behind finally snaps him from his crazy laughing fit and he finds that the light has turned green.

Composing himself, he hits the gas and makes his way to the hospital.

* * *

"So you are the infamous Lelouch. It's nice to meet you. Thank you for taking care of me when Kallen is not around."

Lelouch stares at the offered hand before him then back to C.C.'s gentle smiling face. He's too shocked to respond at once. He's too shocked to see her all glowing and bright despite her white hospital gown and the dextrose attached on the top of her hand. He's too shocked to be the one who her radiance is directed to.

C.C.'s smile disappears at his silence and she slowly drops her hand. "Oh, well… I guess, thank you for the pizza."

Quickly, Lelouch catches her hand and holds it tightly. "I'm sorry. I-It's nice to meet you, too, C.C."

He gives her the pizza box and still marvels at how a certain kind of food bring so much happiness to a person. He sits on the chair by the hospital bed as she munches on a hearty slice of pepperoni pizza.

"Oh, do you want one?" C.C. offers with her mouth full.

He shakes his head and politely declines. "I'm good."

Suddenly, the hospital door opens and Kallen's husband enters the room. His open, welcoming face lights up as his eyes land on the patient's awake state.

"It's true! C.C. I'm so happy to see you awake!" he exclaims while C.C. looks at him blankly.

Lelouch watches as her eyebrows furrow, a sign that she is thinking too hard or trying to remember something.

"C.C., this is Gino, my husband," introduces Kallen.

"O-Oh. I thought Kallen was just kidding a while ago when she said she was already married." She turns away and looks out the window. "The doctor said that I have selective amnesia, I'm sorry that I can't remember you."

"No, it's fine! Kallen had warned me a while ago. And I'm sure your memories will return in time. So don't worry, C.C. Everything will be alright."

"Thank you."

"Well, I'm here to fetch my beautiful wife…"

"Gino," Kallen hisses.

"So I take it that the pregnancy is also true?"

The blonde nods enthusiastically. "Very much true! I'm going to be a Super Dad!"

"Gino, you idiot!"

A giggle comes from C.C., as genuine happiness embraces her face. "Congratulations to you two, then! I'm sure you're going to be both Super Dad and Super Mom!"

The pair stares at her, seemingly taken aback by her enthusiasm. Lelouch sees Gino grabs his wife's shoulder and pulls her closer to him while tears start to form on the latter's eyes.

"T-Thank you, C.C."

Confused, C.C. asks, "What's wrong?"

Gino gives her a reassuring smile. "Might be pregnancy hormones." He receives a light punch on his shoulder from his wife.

"Are you going to be okay, C.C.? I mean…" Glancing at Lelouch apologetically, Kallen continues. "…you're not familiar with Lelouch, I can stay here if you want."

This time, the green-haired turns her attention to him, too and scrutinizes him with her golden eyes. "Well, does Lelouch plan on taking advantage of a weak, suicidal, just-woke-up-from-coma woman?" she asks with an eyebrow raised.

Lelouch chokes on air. "N-No! I'll never!"

"Then, I'll be fine, Kallen. We can spend the entire night getting to know each other. And since you already trusted him, he will be getting my trust, too."

Lelouch closes his eyes.

He takes a breath or two.

 _C.C. if you only knew what he did with that trust before._

"We'll be going then," he hears Kallen says. And in a quieter voice, she adds, "I'm so glad you're back… Lelouch."

He opens his eyes and turns to her. "Yeah?"

"Take care of her," she orders him meaningfully.

"I will."

* * *

"Aren't you sleepy?" Lelouch inquires upon noticing that it's already 12 midnight and C.C. is still fixated on the TV. He takes a sip of his third cup of coffee to keep him awake.

"Hmmm? I've slept enough to be awake for a week," she answers without taking her eyes off the show.

Ah, typical C.C. You can't disturb her when she is watching something that caught her interest.

"You can sleep if you want."

"No, I'm fine."

"Really?" This time, the girl turns to him and eyes his cup. "But that's your third cup already."

"My average is five cups a night."

C.C. frowns. "That's not good."

 _"Lelouch, you should cut down on your coffee intake. Eventually, it will take a toll on your health."_

"I'm actually trying to decrease it. Before, my average was seven."

"That's too much. Your work must be tiring if you need that much of caffeine in your system."

Silently, he mutters. "I'm an actor."

"Really."

"Yeah, but I'm currently on leave."

"I see, that must be why you look familiar. I must have seen some of your shows before. But…"

 _C.C. you've watched all of his shows before including his debut projects. You were there during his first shooting._

She grips Cheese-kun tighter. "But tell me honestly Lelouch, do I know you before? I asked Kallen earlier but she couldn't answer it. I want this selective amnesia that my brain stupidly decided not hinder and affect my relationships to other people prior to the incident," C.C. asks.

"I…"

 _I was the one who caused that incident, C.C. I was the man who broke your heart by cheating on you for two months with an actress who I was currently working with at that time and left you to be with her for merely six months – six months of misunderstanding, fighting, and jealousy. C.C., I was the one who brought you back to this dark phase in your life that you had already conquered before. Do you really want to know me? Would you want to remember me after that, C.C.?_ Lelouch wants to say.

But one glance at her innocent and curious face right now, thinking back on how much she had smiled since he came today – more than her usual, on how her aura seems to be more peaceful, lighter and brighter, and how she's more carefree than ever, Lelouch can only reach one conclusion.

It's because she doesn't remember him. She's free because she doesn't know him.

It hurts badly to accept it but that's the truth.

And maybe… Maybe, it is better this way. Maybe, this is her heart's way to heal faster. And he can sacrifice his if that's what it would take.

He stares at her pretty face a little bit longer, collecting all of their memories together – from the day they first met during their senior year in high school, the day he confessed his feelings to her when they were stranded in the rain, their first date in Pizza Hut that didn't actually felt like the first one since they went there almost everyday, when he got his first acting deal and they celebrated it through a night of deep passion, their simple but precious walks in the park, the opening of the pet shop, him winning his first acting award, their engagement…

He desperately collects them all and puts them inside a huge treasure chest which he locks and places in his heart. He will keep them there safe and secured. Nothing will be forgotten, nothing will be left behind. He will take care of them for her. But if she decides that it is better to not remember them permanently well…

Well, that will suck big time.

God, that will actually kill him.

He knows that this could backfire if her memories return. Hell, he doesn't even how long this amnesia will stay yet… yet he wants to protect that smile. He wants to make that smile last longer.

He just wants her to be happy.

So taking a deep breath, Lelouch slowly releases a smile and says, "No. I'm just a friend of Kallen who has a lot of free time in his hand."

C.C. stares at him for a while before nodding. "I see. Well, thank you again for doing this. Don't worry, I'll be out in two days. Wait, don't you have a girlfriend who might get angry and jealous?"

Lelouch shakes his head. "Nope. I don't have one."

"Really. With that pretty face of yours, it is hard to believe. Someone has to be inlove with you."

 _"Why me, Lelouch? You're too pretty to be inlove with me."_

 _"What does it have to do with my feelings for you? Cecilia, I love you and that's it!"_

 _"Okay."_

 _"Okay?"_

 _C.C. nodded._

 _Lelouch released a sigh of relief that he had been holding in since they were high school. "Why do you always want to make things difficult for me?" he asked good-naturedly._

 _"That's why I'm C.C." And the girl pulled him down to kiss him on his lips._

This is not Lelouch's salvation nor his punishment anymore.

This is him being trapped in a limbo of uncertainty.

Their memories will be constantly playing in his mind whenever she says something utterly similar. And he will live through this.

For just like what he had promised her, he is willing to start over and over and over again.


	5. chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 _Ten years ago_

 _"Class, this is Cecilia Corabelle and Kallen Stadtfeld. They will be your new classmates from now on. Cecilia, Kallen, please introduce yourselves."_

 _"Hi, my name is Kallen Stadtfeld, 16 years old. Nice to meet you all."_

 _Lelouch removed his uninterested gaze from the window and turned to the strong, stern voice of the newcomer. He had forgotten that they would be coming today. His Drama Club activities had been taking a toll on his energy lately with all the late night rehearsals for the upcoming stage play that he had been forgetting trivial information and school announcements. He had almost forgotten about their school assembly earlier if not for Suzaku reminding him._

 _Skimming the girl from head to toe, he decided that she was pretty in that intimidating, principled way. Her fiery hair even added to the personality she was emitting, and Lelouch found it refreshing. Most of his classmates were either his fangirls or were too timid to talk to him as if he was going to harm them if they say something wrong to him. At least, from the looks of it, Kallen could be someone he could talk to without any biased and influenced perspective._

 _"I'm Cecilia Corabelle, but I prefer to be called C.C. I am also 16 years old. It is nice to meet you."_

 _Huh, wearing a sweater in the middle of summer. How strange… and brave. He could barely even wear his pants without complaining of the heat and this green-haired girl was wearing a sweater that swallowed her hands like it was the most natural and logical thing to do this season._

 _"Hey, Lelouch." Suzaku whispered from the back so as not to get caught by their teacher._

 _"What is it?" he asked without looking back._

 _"Those two are hot, especially the redhead."_

 _"Aren't you already dating Euphemia from the other class?"_

 _"Hey, I am just appreciating their physical appearance. No other bad intention. Don't tell me you don't appreciate the way they look."_

 _"I do but I chose not to verbalize it."_

 _He heard his friend sigh. "Lame."_

 _"Well then, Kallen, you can sit beside Rivalz and C.C. you can sit beside Lelouch."_

 _Upon hearing his name, Lelouch straightened and watched as the green-haired girl, C.C. made her way to his seat._

 _Hot? He wouldn't call her hot. The word did not fit her for she's more like the mysterious and unexpressive type. But indeed, as she moved closer to him, indeed she was pretty, too but not in the conventional manner. Her beauty was in her presence and calmness._

 _Huh, what an odd thought._

 _"Hi, my name is Lelouch Lamperouge. It's nice to meet you, C.C."_ _The girl stared at his waiting hand and just nodded._

 _"Nice to meet you, to, Lelouch."_

 _Lelouch awkwardly put down his hand as he heard Suzaku snickering at the back. "Uhmmm, if you need anything or have any question about the school, you can ask me."_

 _"I'll take note of that." And the girl faced forward, totally ignoring him for the whole period._

* * *

 _"Have you seen her wrists? They're full of bandages. Rumors say that it's the reason she transferred school. And Kallen, her loyal best friend, followed her here to look after her. Sounds touching, huh?"_

 _"Bandages? You mean she… That's why she's been wearing a sweater the whole week. Must be to hide them."_

 _Lelouch finished putting the props for the stage play back to their places. Only two weeks to go and the actual play would be held. He stopped by the talking girls before exiting the auditorium. "It's not good to spread rumors about things you know nothing about, moreso speculate reasons when we don't know anything about the truth._

 _The girls blushed in embarassment. "S-Sorry!"_

 _He had told them that, believing every word he said, but now, he couldn't help but be curious about what he had heard, and he wanted to smack himself for being such a hypocrite._

* * *

 _Present_

Parking his car at the empty lot, Lelouch checks his appearance at the mirror and lowers his cap more on his face. He wants this grocery trip to be a peaceful one for eventhough he is on a break, people still recognizes him and stops him on his track to take a picture or briefly talk to him. He does see not any problem with that. He is grateful that he is still remembered by the people especially his fans but sometimes these encounters could take a large amount of his time resulting to him rushing whatever he is supposed to do.

Fortunately, the grocery is almost empty save for a mother and her child, and an old lady by the vegetable section. Lelouch goes to do his usual trip, getting everything he needs and lacks in his house. Delighted by the rare silence and peace of his grocery shopping, he takes his time inspecting the ingredients or the material used for every product that he puts in the cart.

If only most of his trips are like this.

"Lelouch?"

He freezes from reaching the cup noodle and looks at his right to find C.C. standing there with her own cart.

"Hey."

"Lucky to see you here. What do you have there?" she pleasantly asks.

It takes a three-second delay for Lelouch to respond. He still isn't used to this bright, happy C.C. "Some basic necessities and foods. You?"

"I was on my way back from therapy when I remembered that the pet shop doesn't have enough supply of dog soaps. But I've been looking anywhere and still couldn't find it."

"I know where to find it. Come follow me."

 _"Lelouch?"_

 _"C.C. I can't find where the dog soaps are."_

 _"Wait, hold on a minute." He heard C.C. do a transaction from the other line for a while. "Okay, I'm back, you still there, Lelouch?"_

 _"I'm always right here."_

 _He heard a snort. "Cheezy. Anyway, it's on the fourth aisle of the pet care section. It's on the lowest floor of the third shelf that's why it is hard to find. Sometimes they put it at the very back."_

 _"Okay, I got it. Thank you. I'll be back soon."_

"I swear, I've been here a couple of times and I wasn't able to find them," C.C. says.

"In your defense, the soaps are placed at the very back of the shelf so you won't really see it unless you dig deeper or knew that they are actually placed here."

"You're a life-saver."

No, he isn't, C.C.

Outside, Lelouch offers her a ride to the pet shop which the woman graciously accepts. As soon as she gets in the car, C.C. puts on the seatbelt, flips down the mirror and checks her bangs, opens the compartment and gets a strawberry-flavored candy that she quickly puts in her mouth.

Lelouch stares at her.

Realizing what she has done, C.C.'s eyes widen. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't know what came into me."

"I-It's fine." Lelouch's hands tighten around the steering wheel. "There are other flavors out there, if you'd want more."

"Thank you."

Lelouch starts the car and makes his way to the pet shop. He has travelled this way for so many times in the past months, hoping that he would catch a glimpse of her at the pet shop, tending to the kittens and birds that she adores so much. But she had never been in the pet shop for five months now.

"C.C.?"

"Hmmm?"

"Is it okay if I'd ask about your memories?"

C.C. nods. "It's fine. I'm not really sensitive about that matter and Dr. Croomy said that it might be better if I have someone to talk to about them. Well, there's Kallen, but it would be nice if I can have insights from an outsider, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, the difficult part is, I don't even know what I have forgotten unless someone or something triggers that certain memory. There are regular customers who I can't remember though." Lelouch can feel the sadness in her voice. "They are all nice and patient about me but…"

The street light turns red. Lelouch glances at C.C. and finds that she is facing him with a tinge of confusion and loneliness in her eyes. "This past week, some of these regular customers look at me like… like they're trying to find someone, another person in me. I can't remember how I was as a person these past months, I can't even remember why I did what I did. What I only know is that, I've been here before." She looks down and plays with the seatbelt.

"And you've survived," Lelouch utters.

A gentle smile spreads across C.C.'s face. "True."

He gets distracted by her peaceful expression that he doesn't notice that the light has turned green and the cars behind him started honking. "Shit," he mutters as he scrambles to drive his car. He hears a chuckle from his right.

Ah, this is enough.

When they reach the pet shop, Lelouch helps C.C. in carrying her bags. He places the new feeding bowls at the top shelf, the dog soaps in the cabinet, the shampoos at the basket on top of the counter and the chew toys on the display table.

"You're quite familiar here, huh?" he hears from behind. Damn, he slips up. He was so excited to be setting foot again in the pet shop the he had quickly proceeded to do what had been his duty when he was still a part of it.

Turning around, he's already thinking of a possible excuse when C.C. says, "Don't tell me you're one of the regular customers here."

"Uhhh…Yeah, something like that"

Surprisingly, C.C. sighs in relief. "Well, at least you're not like the others."

Crossing his arms, he leans against the wall opposite her. The comfort that the pet shop had once given Lelouch is slowly washing over him. The soft meows and tweets of the animals make him feel at home and nostalgic.

 _"Felicia will be adopted tomorrow."_

 _"Adopted?"_

 _C.C. nodded as she nuzzled her face into the soft furs of the white Persian cat. "A family went here last week and their sick child easily connected with her as a friend despite this cat being all snobbish to the other customers. But they don't have enough money to buy her so I decided to do a background check and see if they are capable of taking care of the cat. They passed and I can see from their eyes that they will be treating her like a part of their family. So I allow them to adopt Felicia."_

 _"That's so nice of you."_

 _"Well…" A frown formed on her face. "I can see my younger self in that child and I'd like her to know that there are people who are willing to help her."_

Lelouch lets his eyes travel over C.C.'s face and smiles at her. "How am I different?"

She smiles at him, too. "You look at me like you're just glad that I am here."

* * *

Milly glares at the man sitting on the opposite side of her desk, irritated by how insistent and annoying he is becoming. "I told you, Lelouch is on indefinite leave. He won't be accepting any new projects no matter who is the producer and director is. Is that so hard to understand?"

"I heard you, but this will be big! They will be reunited in this movie! Imagine the hype their fans will create, not to mention the buzz it will create in the industry! They will be the talk of the year!"

"I don't care, Diethard. My decision is final. I will honor my talent's decision. There are other actors out there that can do that role. This will just bring unnecessary stress not just to him but to our whole team after what happened to them."

Standing up, Diethard stares down at her with cold eyes. "You're letting go a very good opportunity. It's not just about their pairing, but the whole project is ambitious. I've seen the script, it's amazing and this could land Lelouch an acting award."

"Yeah, whatever, it's still a no. So can you please leave my office now while I'm still being nice?"

"You'll regret this."

She snorts. "As if. Now, shoo!"

When the door finally closes, Milly leans on her chair and lets out a tired sigh. Dealing with a persistent manager like Diethard took a toll on her. That man is as stubborn as a bamboo during the storm, no wonder why he always gets the biggest projects for his talents. But the difference between him and her is that she actually cares for Lelouch and the others. If she feels that a certain project would bring bad reputation, or might take a toll on their physical and emotional health, she would immediately turn it down.

Diethard, on the other hand, is famous for being the greedy manager that would jump to every project offered to him without thinking of the opinion of his team. Sure, he had landed some excellent projects because of it, but there were also a number of times when his actors and actresses were confined to the hospital due to a stunt gone wrong or faced negative issues and reviews from the public.

And this certain project, she can't believe he has the guts to suggest it to her after the mess they were just starting to recover from, has the potential to be even legendary if the whole production will be done right. But she still can't forget the sleepless nights and all the drama that exploded after the news of their break-up made it to the paparazzi. Her team tried so hard to control the information that will be released so as not to leak Lelouch's cheating scandal to the public.

That boy.

From the very start she was against the budding romance between the actor and the actress. She could sense that it was all due to the closeness that the story and the set of the movie was bringing, and for the fact the Lelouch's relationship with C.C. was not pleasant at that time. But that boy, oh that boy, she didn't know what came to him and made him do it. She had handled Lelouch since he was 19, and she saw him as someone who stood by his principles firmly. And she had seen how much he loved C.C. to the point that it was almost unreal. She even thought that they would get married right after their college graduation.

So Milly was beyond upset and disappointed when Lelouch personally confessed to her what had been going on behind the scenes. She almost pulled him out of the project and punish him but they were already working on the ending, and backing out would be pointless.

And now…

He's trying to win C.C.'s heart again but the poor girl has forgotten him. Milly sighs again. She loves her job so much but sometimes she feels that she's inside a drama series herself.

Pulling out her phone, she dials her best friend's number and says rather tiredly. "Let's go out. I badly need to drink."

* * *

Suzaku pulls the chair and waits patiently as his girlfriend gracefully takes her seat. Her long brown hair tickles his fingers that he can't help but touch it before taking his own seat.

A soft violin music plays in the background as they order their food, the dim lights add intimacy to the high-class restaurant they are in.

He marvels at her kind, youthful face he had not seen physically for a year. Her light purple eyes that carry eternal innocence are smiling at him.

"Did you miss me?"

Holding her hand that is lying on the table, he squeezes it and says softly, "So much, Nunnally."

The younger woman blushes at the tenderness of his voice. "I miss you, too, Suzaku. How have you been?"

"Still the same as what I told you last night," he answers. "Everything's going well with the business, all it needs is a beautiful model."

Nunnally rolls her eyes playfully. "I'm already here, aren't I? You don't need to rain me with praises. Since we just talked last night, how's my idiot brother been doing? We haven't talked for almost a month now." Placing her chin on her other hand, the woman looks at him expectantly and excitedly.

Suzaku lets out a helpless chuckle. "Well, Lelouch is holding on, I guess. He's trying to get back with C.C..."

"He wouldn't dare!"

"... but due to an incident, C.C. is suffering from selective amnesia and she has forgotten Lelouch and other things."

"Selective amnesia? What happened to her?"

Suzaku's hold on her hand tightens as a sad expression appears on his face. "She... She did it again."

And he knows that Nunnally would understand what he meant. After all, she was there with them when they got the first phone call from Kallen asking for help to bring their friend to the hospital ten years ago. She was below the academy's main building when C.C. stood at the very edge of the rooftop and Lelouch tried his best to convince her to go back to the safety of wider ground. She had pulled C.C. back when she would carelessly cross the street while a car was speeding towards her.

Nunnally understands. She's an honorary member of their group.

Her voice comes out as a shaky whisper, her eyes shining. "Why?"

Unable to answer, Suzaku looks away.

"I see. Well, Lelouch definitely deserves it. And now he's trying to get back to her?" She scoffs. "I never thought he would get more idiotic than he is now. I'm going to talk to my idiot brother as soon as possible. I won't let him do more stupid things while I'm here."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, Lelouch is genuine with his intentions and I do not see him giving up anytime soon unless C.C. told him so. I think he's really certain this time. I haven't seen him more determined throughout our 20 years of friendship than now."

"He better be." Nunnally takes a long sip of the wine and slams the empty glass on the table. "Or else I'll make sure that he won't be seeing C.C. ever again."


	6. chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _Ten years ago_

 _It was the stench of reeking alcohol and drugs that welcomed C.C. as she entered their house when she got back from school. Smoke from cigarette billowed in the air and she quickly held her breath as she scanned the living room for him. She found her mother in an almost unconscious state as she laid on the sofa with a bottle of beer on one hand and a cigarette on the other. Her golden eyes were unseeing and dead due to the high whatever drugs she had taken was giving her. Meanwhile, her father was sitting on the floor with another three men gambling. In the fastest speed she could muster, she scanned the faces of her father's guests and let out a relieved breath when she didn't find him among them._

 _C.C. went straight to her room without greeting her parents since they were too stoned and busy to notice that she even existed. After double checking that she locked the door, she changed into one of her regular oversized red long sleeved shirt and black jogging pants. She was about to lie on her bed when her father called her._

" _You have a guest," he told her when she opened the door._

" _Who?" she eyed the hallway carefully._

" _Can't remember his name but he said he is one of your classmates. Tall, with black hair. Is he your boyfriend?"_

" _I don't have a boyfriend," she answered plainly._

 _Her father nodded sloppily. "You better make sure of it. I don't want someone snooping around here trying to be your knight in shining armor, understand? You know what will happen when you tell someone, right? Especially the police."_

 _C.C. caught a glimpse of the sharp silver in his father's hand that had once touched and dug into her skin. She nodded. "I'll be quick."_

 _Almost sprinting, she reached and opened the door in no time and came face-to-face with Lelouch._

" _Hey," he greeted._

" _Hey. How did you know where I live?"_

 _Lelouch scratched his cheek and looked sideways. "I saw you enter here when I was trying to find you because you left your scarf in the car." He held out her pink scarf which she politely retrieved._

" _Thank you."_

 _Looking around, Lelouch said, "You know, I can drop you off here instead at the park where you still need to walk for five minutes."_

 _C.C. secretly glanced at the window, checking if her father was listening or watching. "It's fine. I like the exercise I get from walking and the fresh air. Thank you for the offer, though."_

" _I see. Well then, I'll be off. See you tomorrow, C.C." He smiled at her._

" _See you tomorrow, Lelouch." She didn't smile back at him._

 _She didn't wait for him to leave and went inside their house when all of a sudden a big hand grabbed her shoulder and turned her around._

" _Hello there, lovely one."_

 _The rancid smell of beer reeked from his breath making her want to get away but the strong hold on her shoulder wouldn't let her._

" _Let go off me!"_

 _Why was he here? She had already let her guard down that she didn't feel his presence at once._

" _Come on, I just want to play. It's been a while since we last played together."_

" _No! Let go off me! Papa!" She tried to punch and bite him but Tamaki was a strong and agile man who wouldn't budge from the attack of a 16 year-old weak, slender girl._

 _Tamaki just laughed at her pathetic attempt. "As if your father would care. I bet he is on his way to Stoned Island to be with your mother after losing the game. Come on, C.C. I'm fucking bored."_

 _He was already pulling her away from the door, C.C. continuously trying to kick him, when the sound of an engine distracted him. C.C. saw this as an opening and quickly kicked him on his crotch causing the man to lose his hold on her and double over the pain._

" _Goddamn bitch! You're dead if I catch you!"_

 _But she had already ran away from him, opened the door and sprinted all the way to Lelouch's idling car and pounded on the window. She quickly opened the door when it was unlocked, got in and shouted, "Drive!" which the boy directly followed._

 _She attempted to calm her heart by putting her head in between her legs. Breathe in, breath out. She was away from him for now. She was safe. She was in a moving car and she left him in pain. She was safe, she was safe, she was safe._

" _C.C. are you okay? What happened back there?"_

 _Crap, she had totally forgotten Lelouch and the questions he would ask. Straightening up, she leaned her head against the head rest and said, "Nothing. I just wanted some fresh air."_

 _What a very weak and lame excuse and she knew that he didn't buy it. Yet, he didn't ask her again and just silently drove to wherever he was heading._

 _She still wouldn't call Lelouch as a close friend just like Kallen but he together with Suzaku had stuck themselves with them everytime they see each other in school. She didn't know what their intentions were but they would also include them in non-school related activities just like a simple outing at the beach or a picnic in the park. They were nice guys, especially Lelouch whom had always been attentive and kind to her. Despite his popularity to the female population at the school, he didn't act like a god or king who would manipulate or step on others._

 _She could see her being good friends with them but still… But still there's no point. There's no point to build new attachments and waste energy with people whom you're going to leave in the future. It was pointless to create memories of temporary happiness when it was all an illusion and you had the key to end it. When you were willing to end it._

 _C.C. looked out the window and saw that they were in the nicer part of the community. Polished houses and trimmed front yards surrounded the road. There was a man walking his dog on the sidewalk – so carefree, so blissful._

 _The car stopped infront of a two-story white large house that boasted floor to ceiling windows. A small garden filled with different colorful flowers laid on one side while a wide lawn laid on the other infront of the house. A mini swing was hanging from the large tree that provided shade to whomever decided to stay outside._

" _This is our home. You can stay here for a while. My parents and sister wouldn't mind," Lelouch declared._

 _Ah, this is expected. Of course he would be living in the nice peaceful area of town._

" _No, it's fine. I don't want to intrude. I'll just take a walk around here for a while."_

" _C.C. I insist."_

 _Something in his voice made her stop and later on agree. She didn't know what was it, but the look of determination and decisiveness in his eyes like he knew something about the situation made her surrender. He wouldn't know, would he?_

 _But from what little she knew of him, Lelouch was a smart, intelligent boy._

 _She was warmly welcomed by a big hug from Lelouch's mother which she almost shied away from. Instead she just stood there like a tree with her hands limp at her sides, too surprised by the unexpected affection._

" _Mom, this is C.C., a classmate of mine. She's going to help me rehearse for the play," announced Lelouch._

 _She eyed him curiously._

" _Nice to meet you, C.C. Are you going to stay for dinner? I'm already preparing lots of food good for seven people. It would be nice to have a new face in the house."_

" _Uhmmm…"_

" _She'll just decide later, Mom. We really need to get into practice." With that, Lelouch grabbed her wrist and took her to his room upstairs. C.C. gave his mother a tight apologetic smile before they left her there with a knowing glint in her eyes._

* * *

" _Where's the script?"_

" _Script?"_

" _Yes. We are going to practice your play, right?"_

 _Lelouch stopped fixing the lamp shade that had mysteriously fallen on the floor and looked at her with a puzzled expression. "You know that's just an excuse to avoid my mom's interrogation."_

 _C.C. shrugged and rubbed the edge of her sleeve, all the while unconsciously pulling it downward. She looked at every corner of his room and quickly noted the distance between her and the door. It wasn't locked. She felt better._

 _When she returned her eyes to her classmate, she found him observing her. She looked at her lap to avoid his scrutinizing gaze._

" _Well, I truly need help anyway. I can't seem to remember some lines without carrying an actual conversation with my co-actor. Here."_

 _A pad of paper appeared before her with the words, 'The Black Rebellion' written on it. She took it and started scanning the pages._

" _I play Zero, the leader of the Rebellion. You can play whoever character I needed to interact with. Is it okay?"_

" _I can do that."_

" _Thank you. So this is about an exiled prince who wanted to create a peaceful and gentle world for his disabled younger sister. But in order to do that, he needed to face the emperor who is also his father and end the cruel and unjust rule of the monarchy."_

 _So they started to read the lines of a play that hadn't even been approved by the school, and C.C. got to get out of her real life for once, taking in different personas who were bravely and inspirationally fighting for the freedom of their nation._

* * *

 _She lost track of time._

 _Crap, she lost track of time and she wasn't aware that she left her phone on silent mode. Now it was blinking hard with Kallen's name flashing on it. She excused herself and answered it._

" _C.C. Where are you? You need to get back home now, your parents are looking for you," her friend said in a panicked voice._

" _I'm at Lelouch's. Tamaki was there so I needed to get away."_

" _Did he hurt you?"_

" _I was able to fight him in time."_

 _Kallen let out a relieved breath. "Okay. Good. But you need to come back now before they get extremely furious. I'll be waiting at your window."_

 _When she ended the call, she found that her mother had been calling her six times already._

" _I need to go."_

" _Aren't you going to stay for dinner?" Lelouch asked. They had been rehearsing for hours and just decided to take a break. She had even helped him in his homework._

 _She looked at the clock and found that it was already eight in the evening. "I'm sorry, but I can't. Please send your mother my apologies."_

 _Lelouch grabbed his keys and walked with her. "I'll take you home, then."_

 _She hesitated for a moment but a ride in a car would bring her home much sooner than walking kilometers in the dark. "Okay, thank you. But just drop me off at the park."_

 _Lelouch did drop her off at the park with no arguments. She could feel that he could sense she was in a great hurry and insisting on taking her home would make the situation worse. Smart boy. She ran the remaining distance between the park and her house and immediately as she opened the door, her father grabbed her arm and dragged her to the kitchen where her mother was already sitting – all traces of being high were gone and were replaced by a sophisticated woman someone could mistake as a CEO of a company._

" _You're late. You didn't answer my calls," she calmly reprimanded._

" _I'm sorry, Mama. My phone was on silent."_

" _Sit."_

 _She wordlessly obeyed her, at the same time, her father sat beside her mother. Food were already prepared and the sudden sight of it made C.C.'s stomach growl. She got the spoon and fork and was about to slice her meat when her mother said, "That is not for you. You are not going to eat for you have broken your curfew."_

" _But Mama, I only ate breakfast."_

" _Drop the spoon and fork now."_

 _She did._

 _Her parents started eating rather loudly and sloppily, as if to provoke more of her hunger. Stomach growling, she controlled herself from grabbing the utensils for the punishment from disobeying her parents was too painful. The plate infront of her was silently mocking her pitiful situation._

" _Sweetheart, you have something to say?"_

 _C.C. glanced at her father and saw his beloved knife lying on the table. Fear immediately consumed her._

" _Tamaki told us a tragic story earlier. Is it true that you kick him in the nuts and left him in agonizing pain while you took off with your boyfriend?"_

" _He was going to hurt me, Papa. I was just protecting myself."_

 _The thundering sound of her father's fist landing on wood echoed in the four corners of their kitchen. The utensils rattled for a while creating an irritating sound of disturbance. "Aren't you fed up with your lies?! Tamaki is one of our most valuable customers. If not for his money, you won't be able to go to your useless schools and we won't be able to continue our business. He's been generous to us for years and you're just going to ruin it, you ungrateful child! All you have to do is give him what he wanted, isn't that hard to understand?"_

 _Of course, she understood._

 _She understood too much._

 _That's why when her father asked for her right arm, she silently put it on top of the table and watch as he lifted her sleeve, revealing the scars, some from his doings, some from hers. She quietly watched as the blade dug into her skin and created a straight line across. Two-inches. It's always two-inches in length. She bit her tongue and held her breath to prevent herself from whimpering. She had been here before._

 _She was used to this._

 _No more pain._

 _No more sting._

 _The blood started flowing out of her skin immediately. He must had cut deeper this time._

" _Try to remember your lesson for once. We are not paying your school for you to come out stupid. Now go to your room," her father said when he was done._

 _Ah, yes she was used to it._

 _Ever since that fateful night in the park years ago when they first forgot about her until a policeman noticed she's alone sitting on a bench at 12 midnight and brought her to their home._

 _She started to understand her parents since then._

 _With a bleeding arm, C.C. padded to her room, her heart empty, her eyes dead. Her whole being leaving an invisible trail of blood of despair, betrayal, and emptiness in its wake._

* * *

 _Her ceiling is pink. So light, light pink. It was not right. It should be dark, dark red. Red as wine. Red as the blood that was leaking from her arm. She reached up and a droplet fell on her face. Could she use it to repaint her ceiling? Would it be enough to cover everything that was bright and happy? How many cuts would it take to have enough blood to erase everything?_

" _C.C.!"_

 _Red hair._

 _But not as red as blood._

" _I'm gonna fix your wound, okay? I brought foods, too. Stay still, this might hurt a bit."_

 _Tearing off her eyes from the ceiling, C.C. gazed at the open window then to the stacks of food on the floor, and finally, at Kallen who was already applying medicine to her wound._

" _Kallen?"_

" _Hmmm?" she responded without glancing up._

" _Why are there so many food?"_

" _They're from Lelouch. I saw him on my way here and for some odd reason, he has a lot of food inside his car. Huh, and he just gave them to me."_

" _Lelouch."_

 _She didn't remember him having lots of food in the car a while ago. Kallen wrapped a bandage on her arm and when she's done, she started opening the packs._

" _Oooh, they're still hot. Here."_

 _She took the ramen and the warm soup somehow awakened her from her slump._

" _Were you listening to Ms. Nu's lesson a while ago? I wasn't able to catch some of her points." Kallen loudly slurped her noodles. Her friend seemed hungry, too. Perhaps, her father had forgotten again that he still had a child to feed. When Kallen didn't hear an answer, she glanced up and looked at her worriedly. "Do you want to talk about it, C.C.?" she whispered._

 _C.C. shook her head._

 _Kallen looked at her longer then put down her ramen and held her hand. "Okay. But if you want to talk, you know that I'm here."_

 _C.C. nodded._

 _Kallen gave her a small sad smile and didn't let go of her hand even when the former resumed eating, even when Kallen started doing their homework, up until she needed to leave. Kallen didn't let go of her as if she's afraid she would suddenly disappear and C.C. thought, for now it was enough. For now, having Kallen by her side was enough to wake up for another day._


	7. chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Does she remember Tamaki?"

Lelouch watches as C.C. talks easily with the cashier while patiently waiting for their drinks. Her right foot taps the floor as it follows a soundless beat. A bright smile plastered on her face.

He is getting used to this.

"Yes. Her childhood memories seem to be intact including the memories of what her parents had done to her and their accident," answers Kallen.

Lelouch contemplates at the thought, trying to figure out how her amnesia really works. The doctor said that it was one way of her brain to block away traumatic experiences for it to heal easier, and those traumatic experiences should at least included the pain she had endured from her parents and Tamaki but strangely, she didn't forget them.

Yet, it is almost a month that she doesn't remember him.

Finally, their order comes and C.C. makes her way to their table. "The employee told me that there is a sculpture exhibition currently being held at the open field. I think we should check it out."

"The open field, huh?" Kallen utters while secretly glancing at Lelouch.

"Yes. Is there something wrong?" C.C. curiously asks.

"Uh, nothing. We can actually go now since the pet store is closed and we have nothing else to do."

"Great! Are you coming, Lelouch?"

 _The open field._

Lelouch stares at C.C.'s expectant face and he can feel a rare excitement from her. "Well, if I'm not intruding, I guess. I'm free, too, anyway."

He receives a wide smile from her. "Of course not. You're my friend now, too. You've been a great help in the pet shop these past few days, especially now that Kallen needs to rest more. I actually feel bad for not paying you."

"I am pregnant not sick, C.C. I told you I can still do the heavy load."

"Yes, yes. I know you enjoy your added time with Gino so much. You're welcome." C.C. gives her a knowing look from which Kallen blushes.

"Good lord, you're worse than him in teasing!"

Lelouch cannot help but smile at the good-natured banter between the two. It's been a while since he saw them like this – carefree, relaxed and happy. And before, he was a part of it, but now… But now he is more than satisfied that he can witness the scene before him and that C.C. considers him as a friend. Ah, yes, he couldn't wish for more.

"Maybe we should leave now when the sun is not glaring yet," Kallen suggests.

"You're right."

"Well, we can use my car for now and leave Kallen's in the parking lot. Then I'll just drop you here on our way back. Is that okay?"

"Lelouch has a lot of candies in his compartment."

So, Kallen still likes candies, huh.

"Are you bribing me, C.C.? And when have you been in his car? How many times have you been in his car?"

The other girl winks at him. "That's a secret between us. Right, Lelouch?"

Oh, God he almost fell from his chair. He feels like he was in high school again, feeling the first stages of love and getting all giddy and embarrassed by the attention given to him by his love interest.

He must be blushing now. "Y-Yes."

"Okay! To the exhibition now!"

* * *

"So, you've been getting closer these past days, huh?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Are you happy about it?"

"I'll be lying if I say I am not. Are you mad?"

"I'm always mad at you."

Lelouch accepts Kallen's answer and continues looking at the large sculpture made of wires of a spaceship with parts of it blown out as if it crashes on the earth. He admires the intricacies put with great effort by the sculptor, from the way the wires were twisted and put together, to the mind-blowing number of hours spent to finish such large output.

"What are you planning, Lelouch?"

"I'm not planning anything."

Kallen grabs his arm and turns his body to her. "Then why are you trying to get back in her life? Don't give me that 'I want to get back together' bullshit because we both know that it would be so selfish of you. So what is it, Lelouch?"

"I…" he gives her a resigned smile as he clasps is shaking hands behind him. "For now, I just want to see her happy. That's all."

The redhead stares at him for a while then lets out a tired sigh. "Fine. I'll let you go this time. But if I see the slightest sign that you want to take advantage of the situation, or you're going to hurt her again, believe me when I say that my pregnancy will not be a hindrance to take my revenge on you."

"I understand. Thank you."

"Don't thank me."

"Kallen! Lelouch! Look who I've found!"

Turning to the source of the voice, they found C.C. coming back from buying food together with Suzaku and, oh here we go, Nunnally.

Nunnally gives her older brother a raise of her eyebrow as if daring him to say something. They have met two nights before, spent dinner together in a fancy restaurant and had a catching up wherein Nunnally did most of the talking and lecturing about how her older brother seemed to have forgotten he has a sister abroad and how reckless he is being with C.C.

Lelouch sincerely apologized and accepted every fire directed at him.

He deserved them after all.

"Hello, Big Brother," Nunnally greets with a smirk.

"Nunnally," Lelouch smiles back.

"Wait, you're siblings?"

Both Lamperouge siblings turn to a puzzled C.C. who is looking back and forth at them.

"Y-Yes, we are."

Tapping her chin, the green-haired comments, "Hmmm. What a coincidence, huh? That Suzaku is dating this pretty girl who happens to be the sister of Lelouch who is Kallen's friend and then Kallen is my best friend. It's like a circle."

Lelouch catches the sadness in Nunnally's eyes yet it disappears so quickly as she holds the older girl's hand.

"Isn't it wonderful? It's destiny! I hope my brother isn't giving you a hard time." Nunnally gives him a fake glare.

Meanwhile, C.C. gives him a warm smile. "Oh no, he isn't. Lelouch has been an amazing friend to me."

"Friend, huh. Well, it's nice to hear. Anyway, can I borrow him for a while?"

"Sure."

Hooking her arm around his, Nunnally drags him to a nearby bench where they can talk without being heard by their companions.

"What are you doing here?" Nunnally inquires.

Lelouch shrugs. "C.C. wanted to see the exhibition so we came here."

"That's not what I meant. What are you doing _here_?"

From his peripheral vision, he can see two girls point at him curiously. Lowering his cap and adjusting his sunglasses, he whispers, "It's okay. It looks like she doesn't remember."

"But you do."

He gives her a tight smile.

"It's actually weird how she can remember Suzaku and not you. Like, Suzaku and you come in package ever since childhood. I wonder, if the place in her memories where you've been is now a blank space that itches her mind. I mean, does she feel like sonething or someone's missing? When she remembers an event that involved all of you, does she feel like there should have been four instead of three persons?"

Another shrug. "I don't know. It is just it is. At least, she doesn't look stressed or bothered."

"You've basically accepted everything, huh, and just decided to go with the flow?"

Another shrug. "Is my sister pitying me?"

When he doesn't hear an answer, he glances at his right and finds his sister looking at her lap - her long brown wavy hair creating a thick curtain concealing her face from him.

"I'm sorry," Lelouch whispers. "Because of me, she doesn't remember you, too."

"It isn't permanent, right?"

"No. The doctor said that it is a defense mechanism of her brain from all the trauma. Eventually, she will regain her memories if her brain decides that it's already healed."

"Then, there's nothing to be sorry about. We just need to wait for her recovery."

"Yeah."

"Excuse me, Lelouch Lamperouge? _The Lelouch Lamperouge_?"

He makes the mistake of looking up upon hearing his name and confirms their suspicions. _Crap_.

"Oh my God, it's really you! Can we have an autograph? Or a picture with you?"

Plastering his practiced smile, he politely entertains their requests until the group of three fans grows into a small crowd surrounding him.

Scraps of paper and cellphones are all pointed at him as he automatically signs and thanks them.

He could have been more overwhelmed with the attention he is getting but right now, his eyes are fixed to a sole figure that is looking at him worriedly from afar.

He gives C.C. a reassuring smile and nods at Suzaku to take the girls away from the now bigger crowd.

He roams his eyes around his surroundings - checking for papparazzi. So far, there is none.

"We didn't know that you're here, _too_! Are you going back to work again?" a blonde girl asks.

"No. I'm sorry."

"We are going to wait for your return! We will always support you!"

"Thank you very much. I greatly appreciate that."

After five more minutes, Nunnally finally intervenes in the situation. "Okay, thank you very much for all your support! But Lelouch needs to go now. He went here to have a good time with his friends. Let's give him privacy. Can we do that?"

"Yeah!" the crowd cheers and they automatically part as the pair leave them and proceed to find their friends.

They meet them by the wishing well after Lelouch got a text from C.C. of their location. On their way, they passed by a shooting crew and Lelouch tried to check who the actors or the actresses involved but it looked like they were in a break.

C.C. hands him a chocolate smoothie as soon he sits on the bench. "I didn't realize that you are that big. Looks like I need look you up in the internet."

Lelouch's answer is so abrupt and comes out harsh that he startles the both of them. "Don't!"

Wide eyes, C.C. is speechless for a moment before she recovers from the shock. Lelouch closes his eyes and calms himself. "I'm sorry. But, can you do me a favor and not look me up in the worldwide web?"

Her agape mouth slowly turns into a teasing smirk. "Afraid that I might find out a juicy scandal? Perhaps, you already have a child."

He chuckles. "I don't."

"A secret wife?"

"Nope."

"How about a sugar mommy?"

"Oh God, no."

"Oh, I know! A cheating scandal! You cheated on your non-showbiz girlfriend with the actress you are working with. Admit it, Lelouch."

Lelouch stops smiling, he also stops breathing.

He hears a choking sound from his right and he is sure that it is Nunnally. His assumption is confirmed when Suzaku attends to her.

But C.C. doesn't notice them. "But that would be impossible. You're too good to do that kind of thing. Right, Lelouch?"

Is it possible to stop breathing when you are not already breathing?

More choking sounds come from his right.

"C.C.!"

Kallen's weirdly cheerful voice catches all of their attention and successfully distracts C.C. from her line of questioning.

"Hmmm?"

"Do you remember the last time we went here?" Kallen's eyes meaningfully stare at Lelouch and the man sends his gratitude for the change of topic through his eyes.

Tapping her chin, C.C. thinks. "The last time we went here, huh? You mean when we witnessed a proposal?"

"Proposal?" The redhead is clearly baffled. Lelouch assumes that they must be remembering two different things and this is another glimpse of how C.C.'s amnesia works.

"Yeah. It was June 25 to be exact though I don't know why I remember the exact date."

Lelouch can feel how everyone freezes.

"There. The man knelt infront of his fiancé over there." She points at the middle of the field where everything is flat and grassy. "Under the moonlight and billions of stars, he proposed to her though the girl seemed to tease him and made him kneel for a longer time before answering his question."

"What were they wearing, C.C.?" Kallen asks.

"Hmmm. Let me think. The man is wearing a mascot costume, something yellow and the girl was wearing..." She looks up as if she could find the answer written on the sky. "I can't remember. But it was so magical and romantic because a shooting star appeared that night. I would love to have a proposal like that."

"Excuse me but I need to go to the restroom."

At the restroom, Lelouch splashes more water on his face and lets it drip from his hair as he sightlessly stares at the sink.

Ah, shit. This sucks.

Closing his eyes, he counts down from ten and repeats it three more times until his scrambled thoughts finally become somehow coherent.

He badly hopes that he managed to convince her not to look him up. God knows what articles had been written about him eventhough Milly had succeeded to protect C.C.'s anonymity throughout his career. For all the world knew, they were good friends from high school who fell apart. They never made their relationship public for C.C. to avoid more stress from the chaotic life of a celebrity. But their old photos were out there in the internet, including those from the papparazis.

"You holding up there?"

Lelouch laughs without humor. "First was Kallen, then Nunnally, and now you. Do I really look that pathetic that you all decided to give me interventions today?"

"We're just concerned about you."

Teeling a tissue, Lelouch wipes his face then faces his friend. "I'm sorry."

"And you're always sorry these past few days. Nunnally is worried." Suzaku leans away from the door frame of the public restroom and goes to his friend.

Lelouch shrugs.

"Maybe, you need to not see her for a while. It's taking a toll on your mental and emotional health."

"I'm fine. I was just caught off guard that she remembers it eventhough in her mind it happened to different people."

"You sure?"

"Mmm-hmmm."

He can feel that Suzaku wanted to say more but opted to stay silent and dropped the subject. Instead, he encourages him to go back since the exhibition is soon to be closing for the day.

It is on their way to the exit when the group pass by the shooting crew again, this time, with bright lights on in full blast and people running and shouting everywhere.

"Do you know them?" inquires C.C.

Lelouch looks out and sees that there are some vague familiar faces. "Not really. I see them around but have never worked with them."

"Since when did you start acting?"

"Since high school during school plays. I was actually part of the Drama Club."

A wistful smile appears on the woman's lips. "It must be nice to know what you wanted to do at a very young age and have the talent to pursue your dream."

 _"Are you fine with being stuck with someone who doesn't know what she wants to do with her life but to eat pizza and love animals for the rest of your life?"_

 _"It's nice to know that my rival is not another person. I just need to learn to make the best pizza and buy you a cat to win your heart."_

 _"The biggest pizza and five cats and two dogs."_

 _"Ah, that changes everything."_

 _C.C. buried her face in the crook of his neck and not a moment later that he heard sniffing._

 _Running his hand over her head, he said, "Sssh... It's okay. I'm here. Tell me what's wrong."_

 _A shake of her head. "Can't... speak... Everything... is heavy."_

 _"I understand. I'll lay us down and hold you, okay?"_

 _Another nod._

 _Carefully, Lelouch slid down the bed taking C.C. with him until he was completely laying on the bed and she on his chest._

 _It would be one of those nights._

 _Her mood had been a rollercoaster that drastically went up and down lately. She would be so blissful and joyous one moment, then devastated and gloomy the next minute. It was a task to keep up with the situation. But he didn't mind. When it came to her, he never minded to do even the hardest duties._

 _"Did you take your meds?"_

 _No response._

 _"C.C..."_

 _"They don't work." Her voice muffled by his shirt._

 _She held tightly on his shirt as her body started shaking. Lelouch ran his hand up and down on her back trying to give her some comfort._

 _"I'm right here. It's okay."_

 _He caught the shiny diamond that had been on her ring finger for two years now. Ah, it was already two years since he proposed to her. Two years and they kept on pushing the date of the wedding until she felt better and stronger to enter a new chapter of their lives._

 _"We can visit the doctor tomorrow so that she can give you new medicine. Is that alright for you?"_

 _"If I don't feel tired."_

 _"I understand. I love you."_

 _"Mmmm."_

"I wouldn't say it's because I'm talented in acting. I actually sucked at it but I guess I really wanted it so badly that I did everything that I could to perfect this craft. Not that I perfected it already, but hard work plays a big role in everyone's career. You can't just reach your dream with just pure talent, you've got to work hard, love it and believe in yourself even in the darkest times when you think that you are never good enough."

C.C. walks ahead of him with her hands behind her and when she's a few steps further, she turns around and gives him a reverent smile. Her long emerald hair flows around her as a gentle breeze blows their way. "I see, someone has an old soul."

Lelouch chuckles. "More like - "

"Lelouch?"

His feet freeze midstep.

Time... literally... slows down... for... him.

He is so shocked upon hearing _her_ voice that it renders him speechless for a moment. It's not until he sees C.C. peering over his shoulders, that he regains his composure and quickly takes a step to block her from seeing the girl whom he is sure is standing behind him.

He can sense that the rest of the group are already on high alert. From his peripheral vision, he sees Kallen goes to C.C. and grabs her arm but the other woman is quicker to step away as she tries her hardest to see beyond his high shoulders.

"I know that voice," she mumbles while standing on her tiptoes.

"It's you, Lelouch, right?"

And from his other peripheral vision, he sees a streak of orange as a tall fair woman stands between him and C.C.

Emerald eyes are suddenly all he could see. No. He needs them gold.

"Lulu!"

Someone tell him this is not real.

This couldn't be happening.

"Shirley Fenette?"

And the name doesn't come out of Lelouch's mouth but from a certain golden-eyed woman with an unreadable expression on her face.


	8. chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

She cannot breathe. There's a heavy rock inside her chest that is agonizingly weighing her down. She cannot breathe. She can hardly breathe. Someone, somebody help her. But there is no one. She is always alone, always left behind.

Glancing down at the sharp rectangular aluminum lying on the desk, she recalls how it always provided her an outlet when everything was becoming too much. How it always bestowed her peace when she felt that the world is too much for her fragile existence. The slow burn heat as it cuts through her skin, the tingling sensation the blood flow gives her body, the welcomed pain reminding her that there is a way out.

With shaky hand, she retrieves the object and holds it infront of her. Just this one time, she needs the solace it could bring. Just this one time then she will not do it again.

She throws the blade away from her. No, this is wrong. She promised to get better. She promised to get through this again and not return to this dark part of her life. But lately she is getting tired. She is tired of flashing Kallen and Lelouch bright and carefree smiles as if everything is fine. She is losing the mood to tease them just to see them awkwardly blush and reprimand her. She is getting tired of making them believe that she is fine and done with her latest episode. She is always tired when she wakes up. She doesn't want to get out of bed.

But she couldn't risk making them worried, especially Kallen who is with child. She is already worrying too much about her, regularly checking on her three times a day when the red head should just be resting or taking a nap. And Lelouch who has been nothing but good to C.C. Lelouch... A sad smile appears on her lips. She can admit that she is developing a small crush on him. Who wouldn't when everything he had shown her was kindness and undestanding. An understanding that is much deeper than anyone around her can comprehend. It's strange, how she finds it in a total stranger. Each time with the man feels warm and peaceful. She always finds it easy to open up her worries and thoughts to him just like what she does with Kallen. But, she must stop while she is still ahead of herself. She couldn't let this small crush blossom into a deeper attachment because she is certain that it would lead nowhere. Lelouch is a famous celebrity and she is just a nameless girl. That is just impossible.

Her chest is getting heavier.

Tomorrow, she will ask Dr. Croomy for another medicine prescription. The ones she is currently taking must not be working. She will also ask for additional therapy sessions. She will fulfil her promise. She will get better for her sake and for the happiness of her friends.

But now, she needs to distract herself. Looking around, C.C. searches for something inside her room that can possibly ease her mind from her dark thoughts. There is Cheese-kun silently lying on her bed, waiting for a tight hug from her. Her poetry notebook that she hasn't touched for months is on top of her desk waiting for a new entry of longing words and lines. And that's it. That's all she can find in her room other than her closet and lamp. No picture frames, no other decorations that say more about the characteristics of the occupant. Kallen and Gino had cleaned her apartment before she was discharged of the hospital. She would ask them where they had put her other belongings later.

Suddenly, she remembers something. She remembers ginger hair and emerald eyes. Right. Shirley Fenette, the actress they saw two days ago in the exhibit. Beautiful, bright and friendly - she is intrigued why her friends seemed to be alarmed by her presence, especially Lelouch. It looked like they know each other. Must be an ex-girlfriend of his from the industry. But why wouldn't he want C.C. to see her? Why would Kallen also stop her from catching a glimpse of the actress? Why did they look afraid? After that, Kallen took her away and left a stressed Lelouch talking to Shirley.

Shirley Fenette. She is familiar but she isn't certain why. Have they met before? Impossible. Why would she associate herself to someone famous? Perhaps, she had seen one of her movies or shows. Oh, that must be it. She vaguely remembers owning a DVD copy of a movie starring a ginger-haired woman.

Opening the drawers, she finds nothing but pet booklets and veterinary books. She tries on the hanging shelf but it is obviously empty. She has been finding it odd why she would have a hanging shelf if she does not own that much books. Or perhaps, her pre-amnesia self did but where are they now? Another question to ask Kallen later.

Crouching on the floor, she lifts the bedsheet and tries to look under the bed. She finds her lost bracelet, her fountain pen and a precious Cheese-kun keychain. But no DVD. What if she doesn't really own one? What if it is a memory remembered wrong? It had been happening lately so she regularly confirms with Kallen if a certain event really happened to her or it was for another person. And her occasional headaches. They are bearable, but these past few days they occurred more often causing her inconvenience.

Giving up, she is about to stand up when something catches her attention. She lifts the bedsheet higher and finds that there are hidden drawers attached to the side of the bed.

Huh, she had never noticed it before. There are a total of three. Inside the first one are lots and lots of books. Books about adventures, about romance, about mystery and thriller.

 _"If I am not there and you have the urge to do it, try to read these books to take your mind away from those harmful thoughts. Promise me, C.C."_

 _"I promise, Le - "_

C.C. let go of the book she is holding due to a sudden onslaught of pain in her head. Rubbing it and closing her eyes, she takes deep calming breaths until the pain is just a little whisper behind her brain.

She gets one book and reads the title, "Peter Pan". Well, this is quite childish yet she remembers loving it so much. How she wanted to be Wendy and go far far away from her abusive parents and Tamaki. She always thought that the afterlife would be her Neverland. What she doesn't remember though is owning a copy of it.

 _"Here," the boy was so red as he blushed infront of her. "I know I am no Peter Pan and this is the only thing I can afford for now."_

 _She stared - amazed and in awe - at the fine print of a rare and deluxe copy of her favorite book. Her fingers ran over the embossed elegant design._

 _"This is expensive," she uttered. The boy just shrugged. Of course, he could afford it. They were living in different worlds anyway._

 _She smiled at his worried amethyst eyes. "You may not be Peter Pan, but you gave me Neverland."_

 _If it was possible, the boy became as red as a tomato._

C.C. grips her head. Memories? Are these memories? But who is that boy? Amethyst eyes. She doesn't know anyone who has eyes like those except for... Impossible. This is a wrong memory.

Ignoring the throbbing in her head, she gets another book, this one is a compilation of poems. C.C. furrows her eyebrows. She knows these words. She is familiar with these sentiments. She looks at the back and finds her name as the author of the book, then beneath it is a dedication.

 _To my sky, stars and universe,_

 _The world is waiting for your beautiful words to grace its core. A little book of compilation is not enough to contain your heart and thoughts but I hope that you will like my little gift. Happy 21st birthday, love._

 _Your greatest admirer,_

 _Lelouch_

C.C. blinks at the signature. Putting the book aside, she opens the second drawer and is so surprised by the large amount of Blu-ray copies in it. All of them has a very familiar face on their covers.

"Why?" she utters.

 _"Please stop watching it," he pleaded good naturedly._

 _C.C. raised an eyebrow. "Why? It's your movie. You should be proud of it."_

 _"You won't believe me when I say that I actually feel more embarrassed when someone I know watches my projects. And for your information, miss, this is your fifth time watching that movie."_

 _"This is my favorite."_

 _The man frowned at her. "You love watching me getting tortured and die?"_

 _"Other than that," she laughed when he pouted, "This won you your first award. I will always remember how happy you were in that moment." She looked at her lap. "That made me happy, too," she whispered._

 _"Oh, come here." The man pulled her onto his lap and put his chin on her shoulder. "Well then, how many times do you want to watch it? Do you want to have a marathon?"_

 _"I think a marathon is too much."_

 _"As long as you're happy, C.C. Whatever makes you happy."_

C.C. spreads the copies on the floor. Some have him in minor roles, most in major roles. There is one which has a signature and another dedication.

 _"If I were your fan and it is the first time you are seeing me as I ask for a dedication, what would you write? Please don't be biased."_

 _He stared at her for a while seemingly in deep thought before giving her an answer. Taking a DVD case, he wrote something then gave it to her. She immediately blushed upon reading his words._

 _"I told you not to be biased."_

 _"But it's the truth. Those were my thoughts five years ago when we first met."_

C.C. reads again the dedication and shakes her head. There's no way he thought of her like this during high school.

She stops herself. This feels natural. Closing her eyes, she takes deep breaths as she organizes her thoughts. _Breathe in, breathe out._ But she couldn't. How could she when someone who had introduced himself as a stranger may have actually played an important role in her life? The headache is coming back. Why would Lelouch do that? Why do these memories portray them as a happy and loving couple? Why would he lie to her if they are indeed true?

C.C. nervously glances at the third drawer wondering if the answer could be found inside. But unlike the first two drawers, this one has a keyhole and is locked. C.C. looks around and tries to remember where the key might be. She stands up and concentrates, turns her body here and there, for sometimes, even though the mind had forgotten, the body still remembers. It takes her almost an hour of walking around her whole apartment and meditation before she finally remembers where she hid the key - in between the pages of a cooking book that she never uses in the topmost cabinet of the kitchen.

Slowly and with shaking hands, she unlocks the third drawer.

What she found makes her furrow her eyebrows in confusion.

Another Blu-ray disk but this time someone had covered the faces of the actors with black marker. She opens it and finds that it is the same case with the information pamphlet. Their faces were drawn over with black doodles as if the person who did it had an unforgivable grudge and anger against them. Yet their names remained untouched.

 _Lelouch Lamperouge_

 _Shirley Fenette_

From the corner of her eyes, another object inside the drawer catches her attention.

A small purple velvet box.

She lifts the top.

A diamond ring.

C.C. exhales.

* * *

Lelouch sits infront of Arthur's cage after doing his regular tasks at the back of the pet shop. He still couldn't work at the counter and risk being recognized by the regular customers as C.C.'s ex or by his fans and create unwanted disturbance inside the shop. Peeking from the small window attached to the divider, he checks how she is doing. So far, there have been quite a number of customers who kept her busy throughout the afternoon. He looks for signs of stress and fatigue and is relieved when she appears to be in a good mood.

She has been in a good mood since he came. He is surprised to see her brightly smiling at him when she opens the backdoor when all he did was worry all weekend if her memories had returned upon seeing Shirley last Friday.

Lelouch runs his finger through his hair upon remembering the panic he had felt after being caught in between the two women. He recalls badly wishing for the ground to open beneath him and bury him alive, especially when he saw C.C. walking away from him leaving him with another woman.

Lelouch groans. The dread and fear he had felt that time were quite intense. He wonders if it was the same with C.C. when she saw him leaving her for another woman.

No. That is incomparable. He couldn't compare his immature panic to the pain he had caused her. Comparing will be just an insult to her and after all, he deserves it.

Perhaps, the consolation he had gotten from the incident was the unexpected talk with Shirley.

 _"Ah, you don't want to see me." Shirley sat on the bench beside him which was inside the set and was completely hidden from the public._

 _Lelouch shrugged. It was the truth, the very last thing on his mind was to see her again especially with C.C.'s presence. And right now, all he wanted to do was to leave and return to the group and find out if everything was the same or if his borrowed time with C.C. was up._

 _He really was an asshole, wasn't he?_

 _"That's her, right? I vaguely remember seeing her in the set. She's really pretty. That green hair of her_ _s_ _is eye-catching."_

 _"Yeah," Lelouch sighed. "What do you want, Shirley?"_

 _The woman raised an eyebrow. "Is it wrong to want to have a friendly greeting from your ex-boyfriend after not seeing each other for so long?"_

 _Lelouch stared at her incredulously. Was she kidding? Was she really asking him this question? Her large emerald eyes looked at him with an innocent and almost childish glint and he wondered... He wondered if that was what attracted him to her. He wondered how he had seen those clear, easy-to-read green eyes during those months when the golden ones he had loved so much became dull and judging. An escape? A breath of fresh air whenever he stepped out of their suffocating apartment?_

 _He had seen them as a glimmer of light then. But now... Now they were just ordinary pretty green eyes. Now all that he wanted to look at him were golden irises._

 _"If it's from someone who I cheated with behind my ex-fiancé then there are so many wrongs in this conversation." He didn't care if his bluntness could hurt her._

 _"Ouch," Shirley muttered then laughed. She crossed her legs. "Well, I guess I deserve that. Do not worry, Lamperouge, I don't have any ulterior motive to destroy your relationship with her again. Don't you think that those hellish months we had together are already enough to prove that we are not really compatible? How unfortunate that the romance didn't last long. The fans would have loved it."_

 _Ah, was she testing his patience? This was how their downfall started after all. Her teases always had underlying negative messages - messages that were often directed to him when she was not pleased with something he had done or failed to do._

 _When he remained silent, the actress continued. "But what else could I do, it has always been her. You just got unfortunately lost and I happened to be there. Well, whatever, it's in the past and as I've said before, I won't mingle with your business anymore."_

 _"Really? I heard from Milly that your manager paid her a visit and insisted to do a project with us to revive our pairing."_

 _"Oh, that's just all Diethard. I've seen the script and it's not that great so I already backed out."_

 _"Well, I'm on leave and I won't accept any project as of now."_

 _A bearable silence settled between them. Lelouch looked out at the set and felt a tinge of longing for the rush and excitement of being in the production. Glancing from the corner of his eyes, he watched as the wind blew Shirley's hair. Huh. It seemed shorter than before._

 _He was about to announce that he was leaving when she suddenly said_ _,_ _"I'm sorry." She turned to him with a bitter smile. "I want to tell her that for quite a while now. I don't know if the chance will ever come but... But can you tell her that for me? When you think that the time is right? I know it's the coward's way out_ _not to talk to her face-to-face_ _but..." A remorseful sigh. "But I ruined her life."_

 _"We ruined her life," corrected Lelouch._

 _"Yeah. We're the bad people."_

 _A blonde man shouted "Five more minutes" and Shirley quickly stood up. "Sooo... This is it I guess. I'm pretty sure that it would be a hard task to see you again in the industry. Well, then Lamperouge, I wish you and that girl happiness. Don't ruin it this time."_

Really, how unexpected that their conversation would turn that way. But what did he honestly expect? That Shirley is some kind of a TV series antagonist who will do everything to destroy a relationship just to get the man? He shakes his head. To be fair, despite their frequent fights and misunderstandings, Shirley was a good companion.

C.C.'s cheerful voice from the counter catches Lelouch's attention that he couldn't help but take a peek from the window.

Standing infront of her is a tall, well-built blonde man that he estimates to be a couple of years older than them. He exudes an aristocratic aura with the way his light purple eyes are half-lidded and the permanent subtle smile pasted on his lips. He looks down at C.C. with such adoration that makes Lelouch feel uncomfortable, but what bothers him more is the way C.C. is looking up at the man - like... it's almost like the way she had looked at him when they were together.

C.C. catches him peeking when she turned around and waves to call him. His hands are suddenly cold and sweaty.

Face-to-face with the man, Lelouch is a bit taken aback by how tall he is. Lelouch is already tall, but the man made C.C. looked like an adorable keychain beside him.

"I believe I haven't introduced you with each other," she starts. "Uhmmm, I haven't told Kallen about this, so can you keep it a secret? We are going to actually meet her after work. Oh, you can come with us, too if you're not busy," she tells Lelouch.

"I-I'll think about it."

"I see... Well, Lelouch, this is Schneizel. He is part of our group therapy and..." He watches her glance up and gives Schneizel a nice smile. "My boyfriend. And Schneizel," she gestures to Lelouch, "this is Lelouch. He is Kallen's friend who also became my good friend."

"It's nice to finally meet you, Lelouch. I've heard a lot of nice things about you." Schneizel offers him a hand but begins lowering his arm when Lelouch made no move of taking his hand.

"N-Nice to meet you, too, Schneizel." quickly grabbing his hand, Lelouch shakes it in a fast manner surprising both his audience.

C.C. becomes worried. "Are you okay, Lelouch? You seem pale."

Bestowing her a weak smile, he answers, "Actually no. I can feel the beginning of a headache. I'm sorry but it looks like I can't join you later."

"Oh, well, you should take a rest then. We can always schedule another meet up. I'm certain you and Schneizel will get along well."

Lelouch blinks.

"I'm looking forward to getting to know you more, Lelouch. I hope you'll get better soon."

"Thanks." He looks beyond the tall man's shoulder and stares at the door. "I'll be going now."

"Thank you for your help today!" C.C. shouts behind him.

It's not until he is halfway to his apartment that he finally notices his drenched coat. Looking up, large droplets of rain kiss his cold skin and eyelids. How long has it been raining? Was it raining when he left the pet shop? Or did it rain while he was mindlessly walking? He glances down at the stinging sensation in his hand. He opens his palm and finds his car keys. Ah, he brought his car to the shop earlier. It is actually parked just right infront of the store but he totally ignored it when he left. They must be wondering why he did that. _They._ Who is he referring, too? Oh, C.C. and Schneizel. C.C. and her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend.

She has a boyfriend.

Lelouch closes his eyes. God, he suddenly cannot breathe. There's a heavy weight pressing down his chest. The rain is drowning him. He cannot breathe. He can hardly breathe. Someone, somebody help him.


	9. chapter 9

**Thank you for your patience.**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

 _Seven_ _years ago_

" _Someone's smiling at nothing again."_

 _The sweet smile on C.C.'s face quickly disappeared and was replaced by a glare and a frown directed at her friend._

" _I just thought of something funny," she contested. At this, Kallen raised an eyebrow, truly fascinated by how fast her friend got flustered by a vague teasing as if she just caught her doing something she shouldn't._

 _Placing her elbow on the lunch table and her chin on her hand, the red-head continued to tease the girl infront of her. Oh, how the tables had turned right now. "Really. Have you told him that you like him?"_

 _C.C. pouted. "I don't know what you are talking about."_

" _Hmmm… Tall guy, black hair, purple eyes. Ring a bell?"_

" _That sounds like Lelouch."_

" _Uh-huh. So have you told him?"_

 _Another glare was thrown her way. "I don't like him. I don't know where you got that idea. We're just friends just like how I am friends with you and Suzaku."_

" _But why do your eyes sparkle whenever he is around? Why do you blush so hard whenever he looks at you? Why oh why do you stutter whenever you talk to him?"_

 _All of a sudden, a tinge of worry and unrest touched C.C.'s golden eyes. "Do I really look like that? Am I that transparent?" she whispered._

 _Ah, shit, she went far this time. Kallen tried to comfort her friend. She was just carried away by the excitement brought by this new idea of C.C. being interested in someone. For all the years they had been best friends, this was the first time that she manifested even the slightest crush on anyone, and with C.C., that was saying a lot. Kallen was just too delighted and happy that her friend's mind was being diverted from hurtful thoughts lately. She hadn't seen her down and melancholy ever since Lelouch transferred to their university four months ago. And just seeing her smile often brought so much hope to Kallen's heart._

 _She reached her friend's hand that was resting on the table and held it gently. "Hey, it's okay. I am sure that Lelouch doesn't mind. I'm betting that he likes you, too."_

" _Oh, that's nonsense."_

 _But Kallen wasn't teasing her anymore because she herself was always witnessing how the boy's eyes turn soft every time he glanced at the green-haired girl. How he always gave his full attention when she was speaking and always made sure to give her a proper response. How Kallen accidentally found out that he lied to them about having the same schedule and instead, ran from another building to theirs just so he could walk with them, and each time he offered to carry C.C.'s bag._

 _It's just a matter of time that one of them would confess about their feelings. And when it would finally come, Kallen would be the happiest girl on earth because they both deserved it. Lelouch had been a very good friend to them particularly after that incident with Tamaki. If there was one guy that she was comfortable with dating C.C., it would be the aspiring actor for he had been taking care of her since they were in high school. How many times that he was able to stop C.C. from harming herself? More than twice. And how many times was he the indirect reason why C.C. got up in the mornings just because she was looking forward to the activities that they planned that day? Countless of times. She had been livelier and brighter than she ever was on the past few years._

" _You know I'll support you no matter what, right?" Kallen assured her._

 _C.C. shrugged. "It's not possible anyway. Look at those fan girls trailing behind him."_

 _Kallen followed her trail of sight and found the subject of their conversation walking towards them, seemingly unaware of the herd that was behind him. Upon seeing them, Lelouch waved and jogged towards their table._

" _Hey," he greeted._

" _Hi."_

" _Hey back. Oooh that's a lot of pizza," answered Kallen while giving C.C. a meaningful glance but the latter was already enthralled by the food._

" _Yo, Lelouch." The boy handed the tissue first to C.C. before turning his attention to Kallen._

" _Yes?"_

" _Well, we know that you haven't had a girlfriend since we met at high school. I am just wondering if, I don't know, you are interested in someone lately?"_

" _Oh, uhhh," It didn't escape Kallen as he briefly glanced at C.C. but the girl was busy munching on her pizza. Kallen wanted to snort. She could clearly see how nervous her friend was as they anticipated Lelouch's answer. "I've been really busy with theatre these past days so I don't have any time for that."_

 _C.C. relaxed but Kallen was not done yet. "Oh really? Meanwhile, our C.C. right_ _here_ _is indeed having her first crush."_

" _Kallen! What are you talking about?!"_

" _Do you really, C.C.?" asks Lelouch seriously._

" _What? N – "_

" _He is a drama student, too, and the same year as yours. Perhaps you know him."_

" _What's his name?"_

" _I don't know. C.C. won't tell me."_

" _Because I don't have a crush on anyone."_

" _And she's in denial."_

" _It's fine, C.C. you can tell me."_

" _But I don't have one."_

" _I think she is already inlove with him," Kallen added._

" _I hate you right now, Kallen." And with that, C.C. stood up, gathered her things and walked out._

 _Kallen sighed. Ah, she made her angry and flushed, now she's feeling guilty for making C.C. uncomfortable. But she knew her friend. With her timid and sometimes expressionless personality, add to that the part of her that sometimes gets lost in the dark, C.C. wouldn't act on her feelings. Kallen could imagine what she already was feeling. Just from the way she hopelessly looked at Lelouch a while ago with his group of fan girls, C.C. must had been thinking that there was no chance for them. So she decided to initiate a little push not just with C.C. but also with Lelouch. If he was worried and jealous about this anonymous crush that she made up, he would likely do something so that C.C. would be more aware of him. That was, if Kallen's assumption was right about the boy's liking to her friend._

 _Oh, love was such a complicated thing to deal with. But it was all worth it if she could see C.C. smile more._

 _But first... But first, she needed to go after her for she had gone too far this time. With all the teasing personality that C.C. had which she only showed to her closest friends, she herself was an amateur in being teased. She must run after her before the pizza witch decided that Kallen should sleep outside their room._

 _A hand grabbed her wrist before she was able to take a step away from the table. She looked down at Lelouch's worried face. "Her crush, do you know how he looks like? If he has the same major as I am, I can easily recognize him. I just want to make sure that he is a good person."_

 _She patted him on his shoulder. "Do not worry. From what I've heard from C.C., it seems like he's harmless. In fact, he sounds like the nicest person on earth."_

 _"Oh..." His shoulders dropped. "I see. If she's happy then... I guess I'll support her with this."_

 _As much as Kallen was enjoying this brief power she had to toy with them, she felt pity for the clueless guy so finally, she gave him a hint. "Ah, right, I remember now! She mentioned something about pretty amethyst eyes. Okay, I need to hurry now. It's not good to stay on her bad side. Good bye, Lelouch!"_

 _And she left him sitting there, confused and wondering._

 _A month after, they finally dated._

* * *

How do they end up this way? Kallen wonders. She has an idea, of course she completely knows how for she was there when everything fell apart.

But right now, she is with Gino, sitting on a sofa, and waiting for C.C. to load the movie that they are about to watch.

Lelouch sits on a wooden chair at the farthest corner, but not far enough that he still has a view of the television.

Then there is Schneizel who happens to be C.C.'s boyfriend, sitting on the center sofa, where her friend just returned to after finishing her task.

To say that she was surprised when C.C. introduced him to Gino and her two days ago is an understatement. She never expected this turn of events. Of C.C. finding someone she likes so much to consider as her boyfriend. It's not that Kallen is against the idea, she is actually fine with it if it is what would make C.C. happy. But the timing is too sudden, too out of place. Her best friend never mentioned being interested with someone. She was actually suspicious that she was developing her old crush to Lelouch but no, instead, she was unceremoniously dumped with this news. This is something that totally came out of Kallen's blind side.

She doesn't know anything about Schneizel except that he is part of C.C.'s group therapy and he came from a wealthy family which completely explains his aristocratic aura. So far, from what she had gathered from their dinner last Monday, Schneizel is a nice guy. A gentleman - polite, attentive, and well-mannered.

The woman sighs. Well, it is the intention of this movie watching, for them to get to know each other.

She glances at Lelouch who is sitting alone by the window and who has been silent for a while now. She notices how he tries so hard not to glance at the couple who is now comfortably cuddling with each other. His hands are inside his pockets but she could clearly see how they are in tight fists. The tension in his eyes are palpable as if he is trying hard not to blink.

Kallen should be rejoicing right now. This is the perfect revenge for his cheating ass. He must feel the pain and suffering he had left with C.C. when he walked away from her. He must be crumbling and dying inside while watching C.C. happily move on with someone else - someone better, more honest and more loyal. Lelouch should witness what a failure of a human being he is compared to Schneizel who is nothing but sweet and gentle to her friend.

Kallen should be happy that Lelouch is in pain right now.

But she isn't.

Instead, there is an unsettling feeling creeping in her mind as she stares at the situation of these three individuals. A feeling she couldn't point out. But why? She should be happy now, this is what she wanted isn't it?

Maybe, all this overthinking is brought by her pregnancy hormones.

"You're thinking hard again," her husband whispers. "You should relax."

"I'm sorry. I just..." She glances at her friend. "I'll just tell you when we get home."

"Lelouch. You're too far away over there. Why don't you sit beside us?"

Schneizel offers him a kind smile as makes the suggestion.

See? A nice guy indeed.

"Uh, I'm fine. Thank you for the offer, though."

Schneizel tilts his head to the left. "But you might not get the best view. Come on, we have more space here."

"But – "

"Schneizel's right. You can sit beside me." C.C. even pats the space beside her.

Kallen watches as the man struggles to decide on whether to heed their request or not.

"Are you really going to make me beg?" C.C. teases.

Game over.

She sees the moment Lelouch surrenders to his fate and slowly walks to their sofa. He leaves a handful of space between him and C.C. and the redhead can tell how uncomfortable he is with Schneizel's hand on C.C.'s shoulder.

"Well, we can finally start the movie!"

Everything is going fine as they watch the first half of the movie which is a classic one that Kallen and C.C. had seen before. It's a romantic-action movie revolving around a woman through a rough time and whose husband cheated on her with another woman and entered an assassin training school to get revenge to his husband and his mistress.

Everything is going fine, Kallen doesn't mind the theme of the movie for she actually enjoys the story and her favorite actor starred in it. Lelouch also seems to relax in his seat and even accepts the beer that Schneizel offered to him easily.

Everything is going fine until C.C. pauses the movie and makes a comment.

"I don't know how someone could cheat on their partner just like that and threw everything that they had for someone he had met for a brief amount of time, and mostly, just because of carnal pleasures."

"Those people deserves to rot in Hell," Schneizel coolly adds.

"I mean, I'm just wondering if they ever think of their loved ones before giving in to temptation. Do they even spare a second to think of the memories, of the time they had spent with their partner before doing it? Does the pain and betrayal that it will cause the other person cross their minds?"

"Breaking one's trust when you have committed not to from the very beginning is an unforgivable act. And earning that person's trust back would be the hardest thing to do. Some things will remain broken despite how much effort you dedicated to put them back together. A glass will have forever have cracks once it is shattered."

"But why do that in the first place? Why don't they just break it off with their partner before entertaining a new one? Lelouch, what do you think?"

C.C. waits with expecting eyes as the man freezes on his seat. Kallen takes note as her friend fidgets with the edge of her long sleeve as if she is nervous. Meanwhile, the man in question remains speechless with the sudden attention directed towards him.

"I think… Hurting someone who does not deserve to get hurt is one of the most terrible acts a person can commit. Especially if during that time, she was having a very hard time facing her own demons. Especially when you promised that you wouldn't leave her alone, when you promised her happiness."

"Then why do that in the first place? Why do that when he already knew that she was not in a good place that time? Why cheat on her when she needed him the most?" Kallen isn't sure if C.C. is aware that she is grasping Lelouch's arm so tightly and that her eyes mirror deep desperation. Where is this desperation coming from? Is she recollecting a memory? Does her brain got triggered by the movie? Meanwhile, Schneizel is just watching calmly as the scenario unfolds infront of him.

Lelouch never breaks eye contact with the woman. "There is no reasonable explanation for that which will excuse what he had done. He might have thought that he was acting on reason that time but it didn't change the fact that he was committing a sin. It didn't change the fact that he _is_ a terrible human being."

"Reason like what?"

For the first time, Lelouch glances away from her looking tormented. Kallen had seen this expression before. She had seen him wear this expression a few hours after realizing that he indeed accidentally shot Tamaki killing the latter in an instant, as he tried to protect C.C. from an attack. He was terribly eaten by guilt for taking someone's life but was also relieved that Tamaki was gone in their lives. Kallen herself was relieved knowing that C.C. wouldn't suffer anymore from the evil's hands.

But the blood that stained his seventeen year-old hands had haunted him for a while before he finally accepted the fact that there was no other way around to get out of that situation alive but to resolve to violence.

"Perhaps," Lelouch begins. "Perhaps, he was also getting eaten by the darkness that surrounded her. He might have wanted to help her so bad, tried everything he can to help her but nothing worked. Because she herself pushed him away, accused him of things he had never done, said hurtful things to him, made him feel that he couldn't breathe every time he stepped in their apartment. This darkness broke not only her but also him, and when a spark of light suddenly appeared infront of him, he couldn't help but hold onto it, even though he knew that it was the wrong kind of light." He shakes his head. "Still, it doesn't make him any better. Instead, it only showed how cowardly he was when faced with adversities, and how lesser of a man he was for leaving her alone."

For goodness sake, Kallen cannot take this anymore. The guilt and the unuttered apology in Lelouch's voice is so clear while C.C.'s eyes are already shining. She is about to stand up and intervene when a hand holds her wrist and stops her. She glances back at her husband.

"Let them be. C.C. needs this outlet regardless if she remembers their past or not. Lelouch even. This might be the only time that they got to address it."

Yet, Kallen disagrees. "But it might not be good for her emotionally. And why is Schneizel not doing a thing to stop them?"

"Well, they are part of a group therapy, maybe this is something they had learned in the sessions. Trust them for now and don't let this stress you. For our baby?"

The redhead wanted to argue more but she sees the pleading look in Gino's eyes and gives up her stance. "For now."

"Thank you."

C.C.'s broken voice snatch them from their own world.

"But does he regret cheating on her?"

Lelouch nods. "He regrets every second of it."

"Then does he deserve her forgiveness?" she whispers.

"Only she can decide on it."

A tensed silence settles among them when no one dares to speak a word after the emotional conversation. The night is oddly quiet for an apartment that is located within the city. The street is empty save for a lone motorcycle running down the road. Kallen wonders if this is it – if this is the confrontation that they all needed after all that happened. But it seems too fast, too vague to resolve the situation.

The sound of the doorbell breaks the silence.

"I'll get it," Kallen volunteers.

After paying the delivery boy, she calls C.C. to help her in the kitchen. The green-haired woman immediately covers her face once they are out of sight.

"That was embarrassing, I don't know what got into me. I put Lelouch on the spot and made him uncomfortable," she says in a pained voice.

Crossing her arms, Kallen retorts, "I am actually quite curious, too, on why you decided to ask him with those questions. Does this have something to do with your memories?"

"My memories? Why? Does something like that happened to me?"

It is Kallen's turn to look away.

"Anyway," she hears her sigh. "I should apologize to Lelouch soon."

"You don't have to," she mumbles. He deserves it after all.

"Why is that?"

"I mean," she glances back at her, "I'm pretty sure that he knows it is nothing personal but a friendly debate."

"But.."

Kallen turns around and starts opening the boxes. "Why don't you help me prepare these before they get cold? I know you're already hungry."

C.C. pouts. "Not as hungry as some pregnant woman that I know."

* * *

"You spoke as if you had experienced it."

Lelouch looks back and watches as Schneizel enters the balcony and stands beside him.

"Did something similar happen to you? Someone cheated on our actor?"

Lelouch gives him a shrug. He is not in the mood to share something so personal to a complete stranger especially after that emotionally draining conversation with C.C. Does she remember something? Or is this another case of her recalling a memory but thinking that it didn't happen to her?

No matter, the desperation and pain in her voice instantly brought him back to those last days of their relationship.

" _Do you love her?"_

" _I love her. I'm sorry."_

" _Why?"_

" _It's not your fault. It's just… the love between us has faded."_

" _But I still love you," she whispered. "Is it because I shouted at you yesterday? Or because I threw a vase at you last Tuesday? Perhaps, because I told you not to come home last week? I promise, I will take my medicine this time."_

" _I've been seeing her for two months, is it okay for you to accept a man like that?"_

" _T-Two months?" she stared up at him, dazed. "Did you already sleep with her?"_

 _He immediately shook his head. "Not yet. No, I can't do that to you."_

" _Why not? You already cheated on me, why not go all the way, Lelouch? Is it pity? Do you pity me?"_

" _I… I wanted to be able to breathe again, C.C. I am sorry if I ended up a failure to you. I am sorry if I am not enough for you, for breaking your trust. This is for the better."_

" _I didn't mean it when I said you are not enough. I was just so angry because you won't do anything I say. You couldn't even get the right flavor of my tea. I was just angry, Lelouch."_

" _So you also didn't mean it when you broke almost all of my trophies from acting awards just because I forgot to tell you that I was coming home late three months ago? You didn't mean it when, almost every night that I come home, you tell me that I don't deserve the praises and awards that I got? You are always angry C.C., for the past seven months, you are always angry at me and I don't know why. You refused to take your medicines, you refused to go to therapies. I tried to be there for you but you even refused my company. I don't know what else to do. Please, I… Let me breathe again."_

" _I will take my medicine this time," C.C. replied as if she hadn't heard a word he said. "I will take my medicine, I promise. Just don't leave me, please. Or else…"_

" _Or else what?"_

 _Without any warning, she grabbed the knife lying on the sink and placed it over her wrist. "Or else, I'll do this, and you'll carry the burden of guilt knowing that you're the reason I am gone. Two lives will be lost because of you. Can you live with that, Lelouch? Can you?"_

 _He didn't leave her that day and for another month. He cut off his meetings with Shirley for a while and tried to salvage his relationship with C.C._

 _But after a month, both of them gave up._

"We haven't talked since that day in the pet shop. As I've said, I've heard a lot of great things about you." Schneizel glances at him from the corner of his eyes while taking a sip of his beer.

"Well, that's the total opposite for me, because I never heard anything about you, no offense."

Schneizel laughs. "No offense taken. It is actually a mutual decision from both C.C. and me to hide the relationship because even for us, it seems too quick to happen. We just, as cliché as it sounds, clicked when we met in therapy."

"What do you do for a living, if it isn't too much to ask?"

"It's fine. Ask me whatever you want. It's actually a good practice for me to voice out my thoughts. And I am a businessman. I own a small chain of restaurant."

"Hmmm. That's a nice and stable investment."

"Being an actor does not sound so bad, too."

A laugh. "Well, it's different when you are actually on the field. The sleepless nights, memorizing the scripts, thinking of the proper delivery of each sentence, summoning every emotion needed to the project. It's quite exhausting but I love it. The satisfaction I get when I think I did my job well, and my loved ones being proud of my work are all worth it."

Schneizel smiles at him kindly. "C.C.'s right. You talk about your job passionately. I like that in a person."

He stutters from the unexpected compliment. "Th-Thank you."

"Actually, I've been meaning to thank you as one of the people who saved her life. If not for you, I wouldn't be able to meet her and start a wonderful relationship with the most wonderful woman I've ever met. From the bottom of my heart, Lelouch, please accept my gratitude."

Well, how can he respond to that? How can he accept his gratitude easily?

Lelouch clears his throat. "I just did what should be done in the situation. No need to be so formal about it… But, you're welcome."

"A humble man, too. C.C. has a nice set of friends."

"You're serious about her?"

"Very much I am."

"Do you love her?"

"Honestly? I can't say that I already love her, but I like her very much that I wanted to be with her all the time, to be the reason of her smile and to make her forget every single bad thing that had happened to her. I see her in my future. It's just a matter of time that I will completely fall for her." A dreamy look crosses Schneizel's eyes and Lelouch cannot help but glance at the buildings before him.

"You won't hurt her?"

"You're quite protective of her aren't you?" He can hear the fascination in his voice.

When the older man didn't get a response, he continues. "No, I won't. I would never do that to her. And for your unsaid question, no I wouldn't cheat on her. Never in my life shall I put her through that pain."

"Please make sure of it." _Because Lelouch had also said it before._

"I promise."

Suddenly, a knock on the glass door interrupts their conversation and their subject appears behind it. "Food is ready."

Lelouch watches as Schneizel quickly smiles upon laying his eyes on her. "Thank you for your hardwork, dear. I'm sure it will taste delicious."

"Oh, no need to shower me with compliments. Try it first before judging it, chef."

"Right."

Following her man's figure, C.C. immediately looks back at Lelouch after Schneizel disappears from her sight. Her voice is small and unsure. "I'm sorry about earlier. That was so invading of me."

"Hey, it's alright. No harm's done."

"Are you sure?"

Lelouch shows her an assuring smile. "I am."

C.C. exhales. "Okay. Well then, come on in before the food gets cold."

"I'll be there."

Once he is left alone, Lelouch looks up at the stars and smiles bitterly. So that was Schneizel, huh? That is the new man in C.C.'s life? Ah, this sucks. How can he match him? He can't even get to hate the man, though he does not have the right to do so. Sincerity and kindheartedness leaked out of Schneizel's every word. The way his eyes soften whenever he talked about her didn't escape him. It is unbelievable, but he seems perfect… perfect for her. Someone who can take care of her properly and would truly understand her needs. Someone who knows the right words to say at the right time. Someone who would stand by her side no matter what.

And C.C…. she seems genuinely happy with him, too.

He suddenly has the urge to scream, but he can't do that now can he? For now, he settles on being thankful that C.C. found a good man who will be there for her. For now, he decides that he will support her on her decisions. For now, Lelouch will start wearing his actor mask to get through every day without them noticing that something is wrong with him.

He is not a multi-awarded actor for nothing. This is the very best time to apply his acting skills.


	10. chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Suzaku is late."

"Well, Euphy called an hour ago and said that her flight would be delayed. But Suzaku was already in the airport so it is a waste to leave then go back."

Lelouch glances down at his younger sister who is busy checking out a white dress. It always fascinates him how the situation of his sister and his two friends turned out. During high school, Suzaku and Euphy were the ones dating, almost to a point that they were inseparable regardless of the former's sometimes playboy whims. But going to different universities in college caused them to grow apart which led to a mutual separation. Then two years later, he confessed to Lelouch that he was dating Nunnally. To say that he was shocked was an understatement especially since Nunnally tells him everything yet she failed to share that she was with his best friend.

And what was more surprising back then was how the couple manage to maintain their friendship with Euphy who is now a successful fashion designer whom Nunnally sometimes models for.

And now, they are supposed to meet their old friend because of a project for Suzaku's business but it seems like they have to wait longer.

"How is that project doing anyway? Suzaku seldom talks about it."

Nunnally places the dress infront of her and turns to the mirror nearby. "It's still in the process of getting sponsors but the concept is nice and new, plus Euphy agreed to do the wardrobe so Suzaku might hit the jackpot this time."

"And you finally decided to model for him."

"That's actually the biggest factor." Nunnally winks at him. "Anyway, I've seen some scripts on the dining table earlier. Are you going back to acting?"

Lelouch shrugs. "I'm still uncertain when but I've asked Milly to send me some of the offered scripts to review. Who knows, I might actually like one."

"Well, it would actually be nice to see you back in the industry."

"There is actually one that caught my attention though it doesn't require my acting skills. It's more of a documentary but it would require a great length of time to shoot because it has to follow someone's life. It actually says two years on the script and will be shot overseas."

Putting back the dress on the rack, Nunnally turns to her brother with furrowed brows. "That's quite long."

"I'm still contemplating as of the moment. But it would be a nice way to try new things. Milly said I have a month to make a decision."

"Will your decision be based on what will happen between you and C.C.?"

He sighs. "I don't even know if there is still something in it for me. I guess, I'll just see how things turn out but... if I see that she is happy and settled, I have to move on then."

Nunnally touches his elbow to make him look her way. "Let's go eat somewhere while waiting for them. My treat."

He laughs. "Oh, does my younger sister pity me again?"

She nods. "Yes, yes. You are so pathetic now, brother, so come on."

It's not for another hour when Suzaku and Euphy arrive at last in the restaurant where they are supposed to meet. Pleasantries and catching up are delightfully exchanged in the group with Euphy distributing gifts for everyone.

It is not until they are leaving the place when a familiar voice calls him.

"Lelouch?"

Turning slowly, Lelouch finds Schneizel standing by their table, primly smiling.

"Schneizel, what are you doing here?" he asks.

"This is actually my restaurant that I've told you about."

Lelouch can only respond with an "Oh" as he roams his eyes around the establishment and sees it with a new light. The restaurant is not exactly too fancy, but it is high-end enough to provide privacy and anonymity to its customers that's why they chose to go here in the first place.

The foods in the menu were quite delicious, too, and before Schneizel had appeared, Lelouch was thinking of going back here during his free time.

Snapping out of his shock, he introduces his sister and friends to Schneizel who in turn politely greet the latter. Lelouch sees how their eyes widen upon hearing the "He is C.C.'s boyfriend" part, and the worried look that they briefly gave him does not escape his notice.

Will they always look at him like this? He is actually getting tired.

He does not know if it is for the better, but the three are in a hurry to catch their schedule that they have to leave immediately cutting their time with Schneizel. Lelouch on the other hand, feels that he needs to stay a bit longer for good manners.

"Do you have anywhere else to go today?" Schneizel suddenly inquires.

"Not really."

"Oh, good. I would like to ask a favor, if it won't be a bother to you."

"What is it?"

In Lelouch's surprise, the man becomes shy and embarrassed. "I was wondering if you could accompany me to choose a gift for C.C. since her birthday is coming up. I've been having a hard time thinking about it these past days, and seeing you here must be a good sign. You know her longer than me, so… will you help me?"

Right. Her birthday is next week. It has been on Lelouch's mind for quite some time and he had actually thought of a gift for her. Something not too expensive and showy, and something that wouldn't raise any suspicion about his past relationship with her.

But this, her current boyfriend asking him to help choose for a gift for her is quite too much for a Saturday morning. Yet he still agrees. For whatever reason, he agrees.

The relief on the older man's face makes Lelouch think that maybe he is doing the right thing.

In the mall, they visited various stores to find the right gift. They went to clothing stores to shop for dresses but Schneizel felt that it was quite a common gift to give her when she already owns so many of it.

They tried the jewelry store and Lelouch even suggested some designs he thought C.C. would like based on his experience, but Schneizel still wasn't feeling good about it.

Their next destination was a hat store where they also unsuccessfully searched for a possible gift for the lady.

"What is it exactly that you are looking for?" Lelouch asks after leaving the 3rd hat store that they have gone to.

"Hmmm, something not too expensive and glamorous because C.C. is not about catching attention of others. More like something that is practical and she can use often without feeling uncomfortable."

"What about a watch?"

"A watch..." Schneizel contemplates. "A watch, huh. That is actually a good idea, Lelouch. I knew I made the right decision of asking for your help."

Without thinking twice, the pair proceeds to a lady's watch store that offers different designs and personalities of watches for every kind of woman. Lelouch himself checks the display for a gift for Nunnally.

Going their separate ways, it is not until fifteen minutes later that Schneizel calls his attention. Showing him two watches with minimalistic flowers as the design - one is pink while the other is lavender, the blonde asks for his opinion.

"What do you think will suit her best? I know her favorite color is pink but something tells me that she would like lavender, too."

 _"Don't you like the pink rose clip? I thought that's your favorite color?"_

 _C.C. puts the purple clip on her hair and checks her appearance on the mirror. "I do like it, but purple reminds me of something."_

 _Without looking up from inspecting the other clip designs, Lelouch asks, "What does it remind you of?"_

 _"Your eyes."_

"I think she'll like the lavender more."

Schneizel stares at her curiously. "Why do you think that?"

"It is the same shade as your eyes and C.C. has a great sense of sentimentality."

"Won't I come across as assuming with that?"

Lelouch shrugs. "I don't think so. Well, I guess it's up to you."

Looking back at the two watches, Lelouch lets Schneizel decide while occupying his mind of his own gift to the girl. It looks like they will finally conclude this trip soon and after that, he would go to the bookstore. He hopes to find what he is looking for or else he would need to settle with the long process of reservation, shipping, and delivery.

Please let the bookstore have a copy of it.

"I guess you're right. I'll choose the lavender one. I trust your instinct."

As soon as they leave the shop, Lelouch bids good bye and proceeds to hunt for his own present.

* * *

But the actor doesn't know how things ended this way. One second he was helping Schneizel pick a gift for C.C., the next day, the same man has his phone number and calls him to choose the best wine to bring to the party next week.

Two days after, Schneizel treats him for a drink to show his gratitude for the help Lelouch had given him the past few days.

And Lelouch doesn't know why he can't say 'no'. It's so easy to say 'no' and make excuses yet he always finds himself in the company of the tall man, listening to all of his stories about his phone calls with C.C., his date with C.C., his dinner with C.C. from which Lelouch replies with generic responses like, "That's good to hear" and "You seem to have fun".

Lelouch doesn't know why he keeps on subjecting himself to this emotional torture. He must have become a masochist without his knowing.

"Looks like you and that Schneizel guy are going along well," Nunnally comments one night while browsing the designs Euphy had made.

Looking up from the script he is reading, Lelouch waits for his sister to continue.

"How many times had he called you this week? Three? Four? And you always responded. You're crazy, Lelouch."

"I didn't know being helpful means being crazy."

"For other situation it is normal. But your situation is different."

Sighing, the man stands up and gets a glass of water from the fridge. Nunnally has been quite curious with the status of his relationships these past few days. He cannot decide if it is because she will be leaving again soon and she wants to make sure that he is okay, or she is just plain intrigued and amused by the whole situation.

"I don't see a reason why I wouldn't help Schneizel. I mean... I'm not mad at him, I don't have an ounce of resentment against him just because he is C.C.'s boyfriend. The man is actually good and considerate and for that I am thankful that she found a great guy that will take care of her."

"So you'll give up just like that?"

This makes him frown. "I am not giving up _yet._ But I see nothing wrong about them so why would I insist myself into something that is good and ruin it. And weren't you against me pursuing her again before?"

"I was... But still, you're my brother first. And I've seen that you are genuine with your intentions so I want to see you happy."

He gives her a grateful smile. "Thank you. But really, I'm fine, Nunnally."

Or as fine as he thinks he can be.

* * *

For Kallen, celebrating a birthday party is a breath of fresh air from all of the terrible things that happened last month. Some little celebration and gift-giving are what they needed to clear and refresh their mind. And for the fact that they are celebrating C.C.'s birthday after almost losing that possibility is enough for the pregnant woman to tear up. Damn these hormones.

"I think it's time to give C.C. her gifts," Schneizel announces as he sits beside the birthday girl on the sofa with his present on hand.

"But Lelouch isn't here yet," Kallen appeals.

A sad smile graces celebrant's lips. "He can't actually come. He just texted a while ago that something important came up and he couldn't delay it."

Kallen frowns. This is quite unexpected of Lelouch. For someone who is so eager to return to C.C.'s life, missing this very significant day is a very odd action from him. He didn't even miss a single celebration when they were together so why now?

What is very important that would make him miss C.C.'s birthday of all the days?

 _"So what did he give you this time?"_

 _All of sudden, her friend's face is as red as a tomato – an occurrence that rarely happens._

 _Kallen raises an eyebrow. "Don't tell me all he gave you is birthday sex?"_

 _"Kallen, no!" C.C. hissed._

 _"Then what is it that's making you blush so hard? Is it that good?"_

 _C.C. nodded. "He compiled all of my compositions and had it bounded like a book."_

 _Oh. Oh wow. That was just really sweet of him. No wonder C.C. was blushing intensely. If there was another thing that she loved so much, it would be writing. Through it, she could express her deep thoughts and feelings that she was not able to show physically. It had been a great outlet for her to organize her thoughts and keep herself grounded. And unknown to others, C.C. had a secret dream of becoming an author but decided to take Business Administration in college so that she could generate money to fund her publishing dream._

 _And now, Lelouch just made her words into a book. How could he top that gift next year?_

 _"That's really awesome and thoughtful, C.C. Wow, Best Boyfriend of the Year."_

 _"Yes." The flushed girl covered her face. "Oh God, I think I want to marry him."_

"Well, let's go first with Gino's gift."

Her husband brings out the large boxed present and proudly gives it to C.C. "I'm pretty sure you're going to like it. It's limited edition."

He stands tall with a triumphant smile on his face as they all watch the birthday girl tear the wrapper. Kallen lets her husband have the spotlight for his gift is actually impressive this time unlike last year.

"A limited edition Cheese-kun Family which only has 500 stocks worldwide." Oh, Kallen wants to smack and kiss the smug look on his face.

"Wow. How did you manage to get one, Gino?" C.C.'s eyes are wide with amazement as she tries to look at the five stuff toys infront of her all at once.

"Well, they hired me for the photo-shoot of that product before and aside from their payment, the manager gave me the family set as freebies."

"Thank you, Gino. This is great."

Standing up, Kallen hands her tiny gift for her friend.

"Happy birthday, C.C."

"Thank you, Kallen."

C.C. laughs good-naturedly upon seeing the bracelet she personally made. Though, Kallen isn't an expert in doing handicrafts, she is certain that she did a good job in creating the bracelet. Planetary charms dangle around it like a mini solar system being C.C.'s wrist as the sun.

Lifting her right hand, Kallen explains, "I know it is childish but it's been a while since we wore something the same. I just thought it would be nice to do it again."

The other woman shakes her head. "No, this is wonderful. I actually missed matching with you." After C.C. is able to wear the bracelet, Schneizel presents his gift to her.

"For you, my dear."

"Thank you." The polite smile that C.C. bestows him makes Kallen intrigue. Now, that is not the kind of smile you give your lover after receiving his present. She might be reading at the whole situation wrong, but she knows C.C. more than anyone. This smile is very different from the smiles that she had given him before - especially when Lelouch was with them. This smile is not even friendly but awkward and restrained. This is not the smile you give your boyfriend unless if they are fighting.

Kallen narrows her eyes. But then again, this C.C. has amnesia. It is possible that even the way she reacts to some things could have changed. And she isn't even familiar on how her relationship with Schneizel works.

She glances as Schneizel and finds him almost unaffected by C.C.'s reaction. Or perhaps, he doesn't notice it.

The gasp from her friend snatches her attention back to C.C.

"This is so beautiful, Schneizel," then in a whisper C.C. must have thought is quiet enough, "You don't have to do this."

Huh, odd.

"Lelouch actually helped me in picking a gift for you," he says, eyes intensely looking through her friend's. Now, it seems like he is trying to convey something with his intense stare.

"Lelouch?"

He nods. "I asked which from the pink and the lavender one should I choose and he told me to pick lavender."

"Why?"

"Because it would remind you of my eyes. He was confident about that."

Speechless, C.C. looks down at the watch and lets out a strangled laugh. "That's really confident of him, but he's not wrong, though. Will you help me?"

She offers him her wrist and all the while Kallen wonders about what just happened. That is not just a simple banter. There is a hidden meaning to it though she isn't sure what.

Her musings are cut by the doorbell ringing which she gladly attends to.

And when she opens the door, the first thing she thinks of is: Where have you been?

* * *

"Yes, Milly. I'll be back in thirty minutes, I just need to drop this off."

"Hurry, okay? The producers have other appointments to go to."

"I know. I won't be long."

"Good. I'll see you later."

Lelouch presses the 'End' button and concentrates on the road. Of all the days and times, Milly decided to set the appointment with the producers on C.C.'s birthday party. No matter how much he argued and asked to reschedule the meeting, Milly reasoned that it was the only available time the producers have for them. They are scouting other actors for the role, and after Lelouch, they will proceed to the next one. If they miss this, they'll miss the whole project in a blink. His appearance in the meeting is to assure them that they, too, are invested in the documentary.

For God's sake, he isn't even sure if he is going to do the project.

So now, he is in a hurry to go to C.C.'s apartment complex to at least give her his gift.

After parking his car, he quickly goes up and presses the doorbell. It is Kallen who opens the door.

"Hi. Is C.C. there?" he says in between breaths.

"Yes. Why don't you come in?"

"I can't. Can you just give this to her? I'm kind of in a hurry."

"Give it yourself." Turning around, the redhead calls C.C. and in a matter of seconds, Kallen is gone and C.C. is infront of him.

Suddenly, he is all shy. Ah, this brings back all those sweet memories of them every time they celebrated her birthday. In all those memories, he was always so nervous upon handing her his present just like tonight. That purple clip looks good on her green hair, too making her look youthful. "Hey. Happy birthday."

"Thank you. I'm glad you're able to drop by," she says as she accepts his present.

Lelouch puts his hands in his pockets. "I wouldn't miss your birthday for the world."

The smile and the blush that she gives him are so familiar and painfully beautiful that he has to look away - the smile she always wore when she received his gifts.

"Alice in Wonderland?" He hears the smile in her voice. "And it's the deluxe edition."

"Well, 'Alice' is kind of timeless so I thought you can read it during your free time, or..." he lowers his voice and looks at her softly. "Or if you feel down, I hope Alice and her friends could cheer you up."

"I... That is so meaningful, Lelouch. I really appreciate it."

They stand there looking at each other, waiting for something to happen. Because usually this is the moment when C.C. would stand on her tiptoes and bestows him a kiss. But it wouldn't happen tonight. So Lelouch steps back and nods at her.

"I need to go back. Have fun."

"I will. Take care."

And while he is walking away, Lelouch feels somehow okay. Despite the unexpected plot twists that have happened, Lelouch feels that he can face another day knowing that everything is going to be fine.

Unknown to him, a pair of golden eyes follows his back until he disappears from their sight.

* * *

 _He came._

 _Oh, thank God he came._


	11. chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 _As soon as Lelouch stepped into their apartment after a whole day worth of filming, he instantly felt that this was not a good day._

 _It had been three days._

 _Putting down his things, he turned on the light in the living room, opened the curtains, put the fallen pillows back on the sofa, and cleaned the shards of a broken cup on the floor. He sighed. It was her favorite cup and one of his gifts to her._

 _After inspecting that everything was in its proper place and no harmful object was carelessly left in the open, he went to their bedroom and carefully opened the door. This time, he didn't turn on the lights. She hated them so badly whenever she's in this state. Instead, he switched on the desk lamp to provide soft light in the room._

 _Approaching the lump on the bed, he took note of the scattered torn pages of what seemed to be a copy of his script on the floor. He squatted infront of the pile of blankets and made sure that his voice was gentle and calm._

" _C.C. I'm home."_

 _When he received no respond or movement, he tried again. "Have you eaten? I'll cook dinner."_

 _The blanket moved and a pair of dull golden eyes emerged. "Don't force yourself. I know you've had dinner with your co-stars."_

 _Okay. Here we go._

" _No, I haven't. What do you want to eat?"_

" _You smell like a woman's perfume."_

" _That's because we shot the romantic scenes today. I couldn't avoid getting close to Marybell."_

" _Did you enjoy it?"_

" _Enjoy what?"_

" _Being close to her? Feeling her body against yours? Did you enjoy it, Lelouch?"_

 _Lelouch closed his eyes and counted down from ten. This had been her regular question everytime he had a filming schedule lately. And as much as he tried to understand where she was coming from, it hurt him that her trust on him was fragile and shallow. No, it was not her who didn't trust him. The C.C. he knew had faith in their relationship. It's this illness that's tainting her emotions and train of thoughts._

 _Opening his eyes, he answered evenly, "No. I didn't enjoy it C.C. It was all for work."_

 _But she mumbled as if not hearing what he had just said. "You must have been carried away with your scenes. Do you like her more than me now? I am just too dull and negative anyway."_

 _He tried to find her hand underneath all the blankets and when he found them, he held on tight not letting go. "I don't like anyone more than you. I love you. Only you. You are a wonderful and beautiful person, C.C.."_

" _I tore your script."_

 _He shrugged. "I have another copy."_

" _I read it. I know you're shooting those scenes today. I got so angry. I was so angry, Lelouch. At you and at that girl."_

 _He squeezed her hand. "I don't like her the way that I like you. There is only you, Cecilia. Believe me."_

" _Ever since you got famous, you always work with these girls. Are you tired of me?"_

This is not her speaking. This is not her speaking.

 _He didn't break eye contact when he spoke. "No. I am not tired of you and I won't be, okay?"_

" _If I asked you to stop acting, will you do it?"_

 _What did he need to do to help her? God, how could he get her out of this darkness?_

" _I will."_

 _C.C. let go of his hand and hid under the blankets again. Her voice was muffled but Lelouch heard her loud and clear. "I won't ask you, though. Could you leave me alone for a while?"_

" _I'll cook dinner then we'll eat together, okay, C.C.? We'll just eat here in the bedroom if you don't feel like getting up. And then you'll take your medicine. Promise me."_

 _It's a matter of seconds before the blankets moved in a nodding manner._

" _I'll just be in the kitchen. I love you."_

 _He kissed her through the blankets before leaving their room._

 _In the kitchen, Lelouch stood frozen infront of the sink as his mind wandered to the memories where they were still happy. It had been so long since he had seen her smile genuinely. It had been so long since they went out on a date and enjoyed themselves. It had been so long since she went out of their apartment._

 _The doctor had given her prescriptions for her depression. Sometimes they worked, more often they didn't. Plus, he was aware that C.C. didn't take them as regularly as she should._

 _Kallen was a great help during situations like this. As someone who had known C.C. longer than him, and who had more experiences with her condition, she was able to guide Lelouch on how to help his girlfriend if she fell into darkness. When he was away for a shoot, it was Kallen who would accompany C.C. in the day._

 _But today Kallen was not there to stay with her. She needed to run their pet shop double time now that the co-owner was not in a good state. That's why he asked the director if he could finish filming immediately so he could go home earlier, even if it meant that he couldn't take a break. He also apologized to Anya for his selfish request and thankfully, she didn't get mad._

 _Lelouch turned on the faucet and splashed some water on his face. The ingredients wouldn't cook themselves._

 _Wearing the apron she gifted him, he proceeded to make her favorite soup – the only food that she wanted to eat these days._

 _Lelouch was tired from his work, but he wouldn't get tired to do anything to make C.C. smile again._

* * *

"So you're telling me that these are the scripts that you are interested in?" Milly inspects the five different scripts laying on the table which includes the one for the documentary and then looks up at her talent. "All of them are tragedies except for this one," she says pointing at the documentary.

"Well, those are the best ones in my opinion. The stories are really intricate and intriguing." Lelouch takes a sip of his hot coffee while Milly goes back to checking the scripts.

"I actually feel very positive about our meeting with the producers the other day. If ever we get that project, you won't be able to accept any of these four."

"I have a month to decide, right?"

She nods. "Yes, but they can call anytime from now, and if they say that you got the role, you need to make a decision much quicker."

"I see."

Milly gets her own cup and observes her talent from the rim. Something seems lighter about him now. His face is clearer than the last time they met when he was asking for an indefinite leave. It's like a burden was removed from his shoulders. She wonders if this has something to do with C.C. Are they okay now? Are they able to solve their problem and have reconciliation? Lelouch hasn't spoken about it with her. Milly has been trying not to intrude with his personal matters especially if it is about his ex for he always gets so sensitive when it comes to C.C. But now that he considers returning to acting, she needs to know that Lelouch is ready – physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"How is C.C.?"

"She's doing great. Her recovery has been following a positive path."

"That's nice to hear. So… have you made up?"

The actor gives her a tight smile. "We are on good terms."

Sighing, Milly removes her glasses and wipes the moist that the coffee's warmth had caused before wearing it back. "I need to know if your relationship with her would affect your career, Lelouch."

"You don't have to worry about that. Things are manageable so far."

"I don't need a 'so far'. I need an assurance that you can handle things seriously. I can't have you backing out in the middle of a project because of your personal problems."

"Well, I still have time to think. I'll let you know my decision as soon as I made it."

"Just be sure. We've got a lot at stake here."

"I will."

When she is certain that the actor has indeed left the building, Milly opens her drawer and gets the congratulatory letter from the producers that arrived yesterday. The letter saying that Lelouch was chosen as the host of a ground-breaking documentary that will conquer barriers and award shows.

* * *

C.C. quickly retrieves from Kallen the dog cage that she emerges with from the back of the store.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you shouldn't be carrying heavy things, Kallen?"

Kallen crosses her arms and huffs. "I'm pregnant, C.C. not sick."

"Gino won't stop lecturing me if ever he finds out that I let you do so much work here."

Hearing the name of her husband who has been away for days now for a photoshoot makes her feel warm and fuzzy, but of course, she has a tough reputation to keep so she retorts, "Tell me when that happens, I'll lecture him myself."

They spend half an hour preparing the store before the opening time. Kallen secretly keeps an eye on her friend, watching for any sign of change or inconsistency. Ever since her birthday, and the prior days, something unsettles her whenever she glances at her friend.

"Hey, C.C." she calls while arranging the pet key chains on the rack.

"Yes?" is the woman's muffled answer from under the counter.

"I'm trying to remember something but I can't seem to remember it right. I need some support."

Her green hair first appears followed by her curious golden eyes. "You're asking help from the wrong person. I have amnesia, right?"

"I don't think this is covered by your amnesia since it happened when we were younger."

Suddenly, C.C. raises her left hand revealing a hairpin. "Found it!" Straightening up, she dusts of the dirt from her skirt before giving Kallen her full attention. "Okay, I am listening."

"Do you remember that one time we cut classes in high school and went to the park?"

"We've done that a lot of times."

"No, this time stands out because an accident happened."

The sudden but brief change in C.C.'s mood doesn't escape the redhead's notice. Her friend is so quick to cover it up yet she remains wary and now, careful with her words.

"I don't remember any accident happening to us when we stayed in the park."

"It might still spark up something. So, you and I and Suzaku were in the park after we cut classes and he bought us ice creams and some snack to eat." Kallen never takes her eyes off C.C. as she continues, "Okay, this I remember because Suzaku amazed me with his thoughtfulness and preparedness. Remember he brought a blanket for us to sit on, and a basket full of sandwiches that his mom prepared for us? There were even bottles of orange juice and napkins for us to use. I mean," she shakes her head, "We agreed to cut classes that day, but I never thought that he would go that far to make that moment memorable. Do you remember it, C.C.? Because I remember you swooning over him."

C.C. plays with the edge of her sleeves and avoids her eyes. "I-I don't remember and there's no possibility that I'd be swooning over Suzaku."

Kallen's forehead furrows. "But you did. You wouldn't shut up about it for a week I thought you were developing a crush on him."

"I didn't have a crush on Suzaku!"

Her sudden outburst leaves them speechless and staring wide-eyed at each other.

Raising her hands, Kallen tries to calm her friend down. "Hey, that was years ago. No need to get so worked up about that."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me."

The same thing she said during that movie night.

"Anyway, so yeah. We were having a picnic when a driver lost control of his motorbike and ran straight to our place. To be exact towards you. And everything happened so fast, I was screaming, so afraid that you got ran over and hurt but as things calmed down, it turned out that Suzaku was able to get to you in time and pushed you out of the way but in return, he was the one who got ran over by the motorbike."

It is a whisper but Kallen still catches it when C.C. utters, "No."

"There was a lot of blood from the large wound on his leg that we needed to bring him to the hospital. Suzaku was so heroic back then. It may sound overdramatic but you and I owed him your life." C.C. fidgets on her sleeve much harder this time. "What I can't remember was what he told you before he lost consciousness."

"Why do you want to know, Kallen?"

"Well, that incident came up when we met yesterday in a café. And Suzaku said that there were parts of it that he couldn't recall perhaps because of the injuries he sustained."

This time, C.C.'s face is a mask of confusion. "What? Suzaku said that?"

Kallen nods. "Yes. He even blushed so hard when I told him that he is a hero and waved the compliment off. As usual, he was being modest."

"But… Are you sure that's what happened that day?"

She frowns. "Of course. I remember it as if it's just yesterday. Are you doubting my memories, Amnesia Girl?" she teases.

C.C.'s eyes widen and she looks away. "W-What, no! I mean I can hardly remember what happened, too."

"But do you remember what he told you?"

"He said, 'Thank God, you're safe. Are you hurt somewhere?' then he lost consciousness." A faraway look crosses C.C.'s eyes – a mixture of reminiscence and wistfulness.

"That's all?"

"That's all."

Kallen snorted. "I thought it was something poetic and life-changing."

"It is poetic enough for me." The indignant tone on C.C.'s voice and the fire in her eyes surprised Kallen. Okay, she is clearly worked up by a single memory. It's time to change the subject before C.C. gets suspicious. After all, Kallen gets what she wants.

"O-Okay. Anyway, how are you and Schneizel? You never really got to tell me the details of how you became a couple."

C.C. returns to her nonchalant self and shrugs her question off. "It is what I told you. We came from the same therapy group and we just clicked."

"Must be nice," Kallen says as she turns on the computer at the same time eyeing her friend from the corner of her eyes. "To find someone whom you instantly relate to while others take years just to be let in into a person's life despite proving countless of times that they are worthy."

There is a pause on C.C.'s movement as she reaches for the key to the basement. "That's the reality, Kallen."

"And Lelouch? I haven't seen him here lately."

"It seems like he's busy," is C.C.'s short answer.

"I see." Kallen checks the entries in their stock folder then the names of the dogs that are candidates for adoption when she remembers another thing. "C.C., is it okay if I return to the apartment quickly? I forgot the list of the new applicants who want to adopt the cats."

"Sure. I'll take over here."

"Thanks! I'll be fast."

* * *

"So Nunnally wants the dress to be in champagne red while Euphie wants it in moss green. Now they are currently in a stand off because they refuse to give up their decisions." Suzaku downs the glass of beer and asks the bartender for another round.

"Why don't you just make a dress for each color?" Meanwhile, Leouch leisurely drinks from his glass, enjoying the bitter stale flavor of the beverage.

Grabbing his hair, Suzaku says, "I suggested that but they both refused. Ugh, I don't know what to do anymore. This project won't progress if they can't make up their minds immediately.

Lelouch raises an eyebrow at the helpless figure of his friend. The solution seems so simple for him. "Aren't you the leader of this project? You should have the last say in the matter. Like, suggesting a whole different color for the dress. I tell you, Nunnally looks good in pink. Her youthfulness glows when she wears something pink."

Suzaku sighs. "I tried that but all I received were deadly glares from them. Sometimes, it's bad that you are working with your girlfriend and friend. Position doesn't matter to them."

Chuckling, Lelouch takes a sip of his cold beer. "Well, good luck with that. I'll try talking to Nunnally though."

"Thank you. You are the best, Lelouch."

Lelouch roams his eyes around the bar. It's been a while since he had gone to a place like this. It's so lively – so lively compared to the dead night outside. It truly is amazing, he thought, how even in the darkest alleys, you can find a single light of a discarded cigarette enough to let you know that it is not abandoned. How even in the quietest libraries, the sound of a page turning could echo in the four corners of the room. How in this lively bar you can find the weariest of souls trying to find some life in their day. It amazes him, Lelouch thought, how life could offer so many ironies.

"That woman's been eyeing you, Lelouch."

He follows Suzaku's gaze and finds a pretty raven-haired woman staring at him suggestively. He turns to his friend. "I'm not in the mood, Suzaku. And there might be paparazzi here. I don't really have time to deal with them at the moment."

Suzaku shrugs. "I'm just reminding you that there are other people out there."

He nods. "Thanks."

Lelouch continues to watch the crowd before him. He can easily smell the sweat, the high, the lust that cover the people like a school of fish being trapped under a net. He finds some familiar faces here and there but they are too busy with their mundane businesses to notice him, not that Lelouch really cares. He actually just prefers his best friend's presence instead of indulging himself into small talks with people he barely knows.

In the middle of the dance floor, he finds an unexpected blonde hair. It couldn't be. Lelouch narrows his eyes to get more focus. No, that couldn't be him. He doesn't strike him as someone who goes and dances in a bar. But what did he know about him anyway. Yet… that height and posture is too similar with his. If only he will turn around so he can see his face.

"Hey, isn't that Schneizel? It's a surprise to find him in a place like this."

And when the man finally turns around, Lelouch assumption is confirmed.

"Should we greet him?" asks Suzaku.

"Later."

If Schneizel is here, there is a possibility that C.C. would be here, too, though he will find it the most bizarre thing that he could witness for his ex-fiancé is not a fan of places like this. Never in their dating time had they visited a bar. The crowd and energy made her anxious.

And Schneizel is dancing with a different girl. Tall, fair skinned with long honey locks, she wraps her arms around him as Schneizel smiles down at her.

A different girl.

"Lelouch," Suzaku warns. His hand grips his wrist so tightly. "Don't make any harsh move. Let us observe from here. So far, it seems like a friendly dance."

But Lelouch is already panting, his fists are starting to tremble.

The woman lays her head on Schneizel's chest as the latter places his chin on her hair and closes his eyes. They sway with the music so intimately to be considered as friendly. Schneizel hasn't seen them.

"Breathe," his friend whispers.

The blonde man runs his hand on his partner's back until it reaches her buttocks and gives it a squeeze. The woman giggles.

 _Oh, goddamn. Goddamn him._

Suzaku is quick to stop him as he moves to stand. No match with Suzaku's strength, his friend pushes Lelouch against the table until the edge digs onto his back. It is a pain and very much uncomfortable but Lelouch doesn't mind. Suzaku's emerald eyes are wild. "I know how you feel. But we need more evidence. We need to wait and make sure, Lelouch."

"That is enough evidence for me," Lelouch says through gritted teeth. "Let me go, Kururugi," he growls.

"No. Be patient, Lelouch. If I let you run to them and do something quite unpleasant but turns out we are wrong, what would you do if it reaches C.C.?"

"I don't fucking care. That is not innocent for me. So let me go."

Suzaku grips his shoulders tighter, his fingers digging into his skin. "Listen to me. Lelouch, listen to me! There are many people in here, paparazzi as you mentioned! Plus, you are about to return to acting. You need to think this through."

"I said I don't care."

"Five minutes, that's all I'm asking. Please."

Lelouch stares at his friend with such anger and resentment but Suzaku's eyes stares back at him with the same intensity and after a few moments, he nods. "Just five minutes."

"Yes."

Yet Suzaku never lets go of his wrist. They continue to observe the pair in the dance floor who becomes more and more intimate as the song nears the end.

Lelouch's blood is boiling.

Finally, Schneizel and the woman leave the dance floor and proceed to a table. There, they eat and drink while one of the woman's stilettos rubs against Schneizel's leg.

"Oh, hell no," Lelouch mumbles. He unbuttons the two top buttons of his shirt and folds his sleeves.

When a sauce smears the woman's lips, Schneizel wipes it with his thumb and licks it which made her giggle.

"How many more minutes, Suzaku?"

His friend remains silent and watching. Both of them fuming in their seats.

Later, Lelouch would recall how everything seemed to happen in slow motion – how he became a part of a movie in real life and he wasn't given the script to prepare. How he could see the moment the woman leaned forward in different angles as if shot through multi-cameras. How the lighting was so perfect, highlighting Schneizel's smirk.

It's odd how the moment their lips touched, everything seems to freeze even Lelouch when all he wanted to do was to punch Schneizel's face over and over again. Until he removes that disgusting smirk on his face. Until his lips that once rained C.C. with praises becomes bloody. Until his eyes become so swollen he won't be able to look at C.C. again.

"How many more fucking minutes, Suzaku?"

"Fucking none."

They stand at the same time but when they rush towards the pair, Lelouch is much faster than Suzaku this time. He passes by the crowd in a flash, his surroundings in a dark blur as his focus remains on the bastard who has the fucking guts to grab the woman's face to pull her closer and kiss her deeper. His focus is nailed on the goddamn bastard who puts the woman on his lap and good grief, is that tongue he is seeing?

He barely hears a "Lelouch!" from behind. He reaches their place in a blink of an eye and without any warning, he grabs Schneizel's collar and lifts him up making the woman on his lap stumble.

"You bastard!"

Eyes wide in surprise, Schneizel utters, "Lelouch!"

But before he can completely call his name, a hard punch lands on the man's face. Followed by another, then another, and another, not giving the taller man enough time to recover and to punch back. He falls on the ground and Lelouch follows him taking advantage of his vulnerable position.

Lelouch barely gives attention on the flashes and clicks that engulfs them. Grabbing Schneizel's collar again, he shouts, "How can you do that to her? How can you cheat on C.C.?"

 _Staring at his reflection on the mirror, Lelouch couldn't help but close his eyes as he remembered the kiss he shared with Shirley earlier. He was drunk, he was fucking drunk and miserable from another fight with C.C. and Shirley was there in the bar he was in and fuck, how could he do that to C.C.? He promised not to hurt her but what did he just do? He punched the wall in frustration._

Bloody and dazed, Schneizel tries to focus on him. "I-It's not… like that."

"'Not like that'? It is clearly like _that_! You can't bullshit me!"

 _This was the third time they shared a kiss – if he could even call it a kiss. They freaking made out at the back of his car. He wasn't sure how far they would have gone if not for his phone ringing and C.C.'s name flashing on the screen. It was like a cold water got splashed on him and he quickly pulled away from the actress and asked her to leave. Now… Now, he arrived at their apartment only to be welcomed by broken plates and tattered pillows. Copies of his scripts scattered on the floor. And suddenly, he missed the heat in the backseat of his car. He missed forgetting the suffocation that always awaited him here. He missed the light feeling he felt when he was with her. Shit, did he actually consider going back to Shirley and leaving C.C. here alone?_

Schneizel attempts to reason out again but is abruptly stopped by another punch on his face.

Because Lelouch cannot stop now. He cannot stop now that it is his own face that he is seeing as he punches Schneizel. His own face that he wants to be broken and destroyed for every kiss that he didn't give C.C. and bestowed another woman. For easily giving up on her and grabbing the little available escape that was suddenly presented to him. For the tears and pain he made her suffer alone.

For fucking leaving her alone.

He wants that Lelouch to realize how much he had fucked up and ruined the best thing in his world so he is going to fuck his face up.

 _Lelouch, you bastard, you deserve every blow, every pain you are going to suffer._

So he punches, and punches, and punches "his" face until someone hooks their arms under his shoulders and pulls him away.

"Stop it, Lelouch! You've done too much!"

He tries to shake the man off behind him but Suzaku is strong and he is suddenly exhausted.

"Enough, they're gonna call the police. We need to get out of here."

Finally, he looks up - dazed and numb - at the crowd that had gathered around them, at the mobile phones and cameras pointed at him, then down at the man under him. The man that is not wearing his face.

He lets Suzaku drags him out of the bar. Everything after that is a blur. A hazy memory of insisting to Suzaku that he will drive his own car. Perhaps, he had punched him once, too.

The next thing Lelouch knows is he is standing infront of C.C.'s apartment complex, staring up at one of her lit windows.

* * *

It is not in Kallen's nature to trespass properties. She respects the privacy of another person for she herself is a very private person. But she has a spare key to C.C.'s apartment and the permission from her friend to enter her place anytime. So what she is about to do will not actually qualify as trespassing.

Kallen is just merely curious. Okay, _very_ curious about her friend lately. Particularly on how she reacted on her story a while ago. So after retrieving the list, she cannot resist the temptation and opportunity to take a peek inside C.C.'s place to find something that might give her clues about the situation. She shakes her head. She isn't even sure if there is a situation. She is purely acting on instinct.

The living room is quite normal and unsuspicious. The same with the dining area and the kitchen. She looks inside the cabinets and under the tables and chairs and sofas and finds nothing that would help her understand a thing.

But it's a whole different story when she enters her room.

Oh God, it's completely different and staggering.

 _C.C… Cecilia, what have you been doing?_


	12. chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 _"Where is Lelouch?"_

 _The sky was so clear and bright that day - so worryingly perfect for a day to cut classes. She and Kallen were eating their lunches when Lelouch came and asked them to cut classes out of nowhere. Lelouch Lamperouge who was famous for being a diligent and excellent student and the vice-president of the school council just asked them to cut classes in the middle of exam season._

 _To say that both of them were shocked was an understatement. She and Kallen did that occasionally especially when she was not having a good day because of the situation at home and the buzzing energy of the students would more likely drive her crazy. So to make sure, she asked Lelouch if this was Suzaku's idea and he was just dragged into it but Suzaku was absent that day._

 _Looking up from where she was smoothening the blanket on the ground, C.C. answered, "He is buying ice cream."_

 _"Wow. He is really going all out with this picnic thing, huh? Do you think something good happened? Or maybe he is trying to get away from someone in school."_

 _Kallen opened the basket near her and started arranging the sandwiches. They all looked so tasty and C.C. was quite certain that they did taste delicious. Lelouch's mother had always prepared something like this everytime she stayed at their house after class to help Lelouch in practicing his lines._

 _"Or maybe he is really just in a good mood."_

 _"Who is in a good mood?"_

 _Both girls glanced up and found the topic of their conversation holding three ice creams of different flavors. He handed the chocolate flavor to Kallen, the cheese flavor to C.C. and kept the vanilla one to himself._

 _"You are. C.C. and I are trying to figure out why the infamous straight A student, Lelouch Lamperouge would cut classes at this critical period of the semester."_

 _He shrugged. "No deeper reason. I just wanted to take a break from all the reviewing we are doing for the upcoming exams."_

 _"And you couldn't do it after classes?" Kallen insisted._

 _"Drop it, Kallen. Just eat this." Handing a sandwich to her friend, C.C. gave Lelouch an apologetic smile._

 _"Here, C.C. Mom made this for you."_

" _Thank you."_

 _The trio munched on their sandwiches silently, with Kallen occasionally biting on C.C.'s since the latter's a special edition according to her. A few families surrounded them with children running happily on the grass, joggers jogged with their dogs, and there were a couple of vendors selling balloons._

 _This was such a peaceful day and C.C. enjoyed the brief moment of relaxation with her friends. She could feel how Lelouch's idea of getting away from the hassle of school instantly refreshed her well-being if only for a short time._

" _I've been curious," Kallen started in between bites, "About the practice you've been doing in your house. How is it?"_

 _Lelouch glanced first at C.C. before answering. "C.C. helps me with line-reading."_

" _Do you also act out the scene?"_

" _Sometimes."_

 _C.C. closed her eyes. Lelouch, why did you have to tell her that?_

 _Delighted with the new information, Kallen clapped. "Oh, I want to see it! I haven't seen C.C. act. Is she good?"_

" _Well… For a non-actor, she is quite good. She's really a great help for me to internalize my character."_

 _Kallen slid towards her and nudged her shoulder. The dramatic pleading expression she was giving her was both entertaining and annoying._

 _"Only this once," C.C. told her._

 _Kallen drew a cross over her heart. "I promise I won't ask again."_

 _Turning to C.C., Lelouch grabbed her hand without any warning and placed it on top of his heart. Surprised, she stared at him in a moment of silence with her heart beating loud. His heart was hammering under her palm, too._

 _"Clarence, my love, my angel. If you shall leave, my heart will go with you. And how can I continue to live without a heart?"_

 _Oh, oh, right. They were going to act. Recovering from her shock, she rummaged through the scripts in her brain from which Lelouch got the lines. They practiced so often that she had also memorized his plays._

 _Ah, this was from that tragic love story that the drama club originally written. She mustered all the emotions needed in this heartbreaking scene despite not having experienced any heartbreak yet._

 _She tried to snatch her hand but the boy held on to it and pressed it further against his chest._

 _"I-I must... Or else papa will throw your whole family out of the mansion."_

 _"I don't care. I can't afford to get separated from you."_

 _"You don't care?"_

 _Grabbing his shirt with her other hand, she pushed him away causing Lelouch to stumble on the ground. She stood up with her hands wrapped around her, her body shaking, tears brimming in her eyes._

 _"That's your family, Alex," she said in a trembling voice. "The family that you dedicated your life to. The reason why you applied for a job here. There is no other choice but for me to follow his order so that you all can live peacefully. He even promised to take care of all the medical expenses for your sister."_

 _Lelouch had stood up and moved to reach her again but stopped at the last second and settled his fists on his sides. "Do you think this is easy for me, too?" he whispered. "I love my family dearly but I love you, too. Too much that just thinking about you is painful. Clarence..." He slowly stepped towards her until they were toe-to-toe. Lifting his hand, he cupped her cheek - his thumb caressing her skin. "I'll find a way for us to stay together."_

 _C.C. was not a fan of this story. She found the characters especially 'Alex' immature and selfish. But what did she know about love? About romantic love specifically? Her parents never showed her how to properly love her family. She only had Kallen that she could truly call as her loved-one. But as much as she was inexperienced, she was certain that Alex's actions were not appealing to her._

 _When Kallen cleared her throat, that's the time C.C. noticed that she and Lelouch had been staring at each other for more than what the scene required. Blushing, she stepped away and quickly went back to her seat._

 _"Wow, wow, that was intense." Kallen hooked her arm around hers and gave her a knowing smile. "I didn't know that you can act so well. You did great, too, Lelouch!"_

 _"Lelouch had been giving me acting lessons, too."_

 _"Can you give me, too? I badly need it whenever I have to lie to leave our house."_

 _Lelouch shrugged. "You can always join us after class."_

 _The trio continued to enjoy their free day, relaxing under the warm sun and finishing their snacks. Ten minutes later, a man lost control of his motorcycle._

* * *

"You've been out longer than usual. Did something happened?"

Kallen flips the 'Open' signage to 'Closed' then she closes the window blinds without glancing at her friend.

"What happened? Why are you closing the store?" C.C. asks worriedly.

After making sure that they cannot be seen outside, Kallen faces her. Arms crossed, she bites her lip to prevent herself from screaming at her.

"Kallen?"

"I guess those free acting lessons from Lelouch paid off, huh?"

"What are you talking about?"

Digging her fingers into her skin, Kallen releases a frustrated sigh. As much as she wants to go to C.C. and shakes her senseless, she is far too angry to share a space with her. So the redhead remains on the other side of the store with secrets and lies scattered between them.

"Stop it already, C.C. I know the truth now. Since when did you regain your memories? How long have you been pretending to everyone? Why are you lying to us?" she asks, teeth gritting.

She obviously stuns her friend into silence. There is a brief moment when all Kallen could hear are their breathing and some barks of the puppies from the backroom. But when that moment ends, she watches as her friend's cheerful expression slowly transforms into a dull, blank one. She watches as C.C.'s eyes turn down as if they had been tired of keeping them wide open. Kallen watches as her lips that had been nothing but smiles the past months becomes straight and tight.

Kallen watches as the C.C. she had known since she was a kid returns.

"How did you know?"

"I'm the one asking the questions here so answer me."

A sigh.

"Almost three weeks ago."

 _Three weeks ago?_ What happened three weeks ago that triggered her memories? What... What... Oh.

"That's about the time we went to the exhibit. Was it the place that made you remember? Or was it seeing Shirley?"

"Both were factors, but the trigger was the boxes I found inside the drawers of my bed. Specifically our engagement ring."

 _Drawers of her bed?_ Gino and she definitely didn't clean any drawer of C.C.'s bed. She isn't even aware that it has drawers.

"Then why didn't you tell me? Do you even plan to tell me, C.C.? It's been three weeks!"

C.C. shakes her head. "It's not yet the right time."

"The right time?" Kallen throws her hands in the air. "What does that even mean?" A glare. "How far can you remember?"

"Everything," her friend simply answers. She has started to fidget on her sleeve and Kallen's eyes narrow at the movement.

"Including Lelouch, then."

"Yes, including him."

"Is he the reason why you kept this from us?"

When she doesn't answer, Kallen is ready to reprimand C.C. but another thought crosses her mind.

"Schneizel."

As soon as she utters his name, C.C. stiffens. Oh this is bad. This is going to be bad.

Slowly, Kallen approaches the counter, her eyes never leaving C.C.'s emerald hair for the latter had turned her head away. She is starting to understand what is happening and she prays so hard that her assumptions are wrong.

"Is he really your boyfriend? Or is he a part of your stupid scheme?"

C.C. still doesn't answer.

Placing her hands over the counter, Kallen leans in until she finds her golden eyes.

"Answer me, C.C. Tell me the truth."

It is so soft that she almost don't catch it.

"No, he isn't my boyfriend."

"Then who is he?"

"A friend from the group therapy."

Okay. So there is one truth here.

"And can you tell me why you introduced him us your boyfriend? Tell me the purpose of everything you've done."

"I... I wanted to hurt _him._ "

"Why?"

"Because he hurt me so bad." C.C. clutches her chest. "It still hurts so much that he left me when I needed him the most."

"Oh my God, C.C."

Grabbing the nearest chair, Kallen sits and puts her head on her hands. This is a lot to take in for a Saturday morning. But what else did she expect? She is just looking for confirmation. After seeing the inside of C.C.'s room - with all of _their_ picture frames up, the desperate scribbles on her open diary, pieces of what look like trophies and plaques sloppily put and glued together - Kallen had a hunch of what was happening. But to hear it, to confirm that her friend is capable of doing this lie is painful.

She retrieves her phone from her pocket and places it on the counter.

"Call him and tell him the truth."

Brows furrowed, C.C. is confused. "Why would I do that?"

"Because he needs to know. Because you've done enough and you need to end this bullshit."

"You are my friend, Kallen. You should be on my side."

"I am your friend but I don't tolerate this kind of stupidity, C.C. Lelouch had been so good to you ever since after the incident. Despite you having 'amnesia' and not remembering a single damn thing about him. He even had the decency to distance himself when Schneizel came into the picture."

"Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not defending him. I'm just… ugh! What do you wish to achieve for doing this? Did you think after this you can go back to how it was before?"

C.C. shakes her head vehemently. "No. After everything, we cannot go back to how we were. God, I badly wish we can. But there have been so much anger and desperation that separate us now."

"Then you don't have to add more to that," Kallen whispers. "You have to let go, C.C. For your sake and sanity."

Her friend's golden eyes are covered with unshed tears. Hands trembling, C.C. starts pulling on her sleeves. "I don't know how," she whispers back. "When I lost my parents, I only have you and him. You have been the one who was always there for me – the constant part of my life. But Lelouch… He became my whole world. He was the stranger who came and never left," she continues as she points to her chest. "He promised me that he wouldn't leave. He promised that he will be there no matter what happens. He promised that he will never give up on me. He promised…" A teardrop. "He had broken all his promises."

Kallen feels immense pity and helplessness at the state of her friend. It is like they are back to that time when the break-up was so fresh and painful that all she can do was just stay by her side and make sure that she wouldn't hurt herself.

Hurt herself.

Kallen glances down at her wrist. C.C. has been touching her sleeve non-stop. She had been wearing long-sleeved shirts these past few days. No. Immediately, she grabs her wrist and lifts up the cloth. The relief that she feels upon finding her scratch less skin is so intense she almost weep.

"Thank God. Thank God," she murmurs.

C.C. quickly snatches her hand back and cradles it to her chest. "I try not to do that anymore."

"And you are succeeding. I'm so proud of you," Kallen smiles. "But… You have to stop this pretense, C.C. Don't hurt yourself more. If closure is what you want with Lelouch, you have to talk to him and tell him what you are feeling. I am certain that he will listen to you."

Her friend remains silent.

"Do you still love him?"

C.C. takes a seat across her and covers her face with her hands. The ragged breathing that she does fills the silent atmosphere surrounding them like a child trying to stop herself from wailing.

She nods.

Kallen closes her eyes. Of course, she still does. Up until the day of her attempt, she still did love him.

"You know what's funny, Kallen? The funny thing is I still fell for him even though I lost my memories. I had developed this small crush on Lelouch because he is too kind and understanding and," her voice breaks, "He can't get to be like that after what happened. He can't just return to my life after ignoring all my calls, after moving on as if I didn't exist, as if what we had was just a dream that was never real. He can't just smile at me and be there for me as if nothing happened."

Reaching out, the redhead holds C.C.'s hand and hopes that she can feel her support and send her strength. She wants to tell her about how he genuinely cares for her, she wants to tell her that Lelouch had been with them because he hopes that he could apologize and make up for what he had done to their relationship. During that first night in the hospital, the man confessed that he wanted to go back to C.C. After all, that's what led him to her apartment just in time when Kallen found her in the bathroom.

"He cares for you. That's the one truth that I cannot deny."

"Should I be happy about that?"

"Are you happy with what you are doing right now? Do you feel satisfied as you live your lie knowing that you are hurting someone?"

C.C. whispers. "No."

"You are a good person, C.C." Squeezing her hand, Kallen tries to convince her once more. "So please stop and don't let things reach the point where you can no longer return, the point where the both of you cannot co-exist anymore. Please."

"Do you hate me for this?"

"No. I'm angry but I don't hate you."

C.C. looks down at their hands, eyes sad and guilty. "It's not all his fault why we broke up, why he cheated on me." She gives Kallen a tired smile. "I never told you the whole story. We... We agreed not to share the darker details that led to the break up. So don't hate him too much for it." A laugh of disbelief. "Am I making sense? I was just hating on him a while ago."

"I understand," reassures Kallen.

"I'll tell him the truth. But not today. I... I have to find the right words to say since this is going to be our very first real conversation after the break up. I'll stop bringing Schneizel, though."

"If you need help, I am here."

"Thank you. And thank you for being just on time when you found me in my apartment."

Kallen stands up and goes around the counter. Sitting beside her friend, she lays her head on her shoulder. They both stare at the closed door, contemplating how far they've come.

"Just promise that if ever you thought of doing _it,_ you can go to me."

"Okay."

It's like a big thorn is removed from Kallen's throat. The suspicion and worry all disappear and she instantly feel lighter. Despite being upset about what C.C. had done, at least the latter told her the truth and opened up her feelings to her. That is such a huge step for someone like her friend. And knowing that C.C. herself is trying her hardest to keep living, Kallen feels that later it will be okay. It might not happen in the near future, she doesn't know if it will involve Lelouch, but she believes that it will happen.

* * *

The phones won't stop ringing. Milly stands in the middle of the chaos that is her office and helplessly watches her staff do the damage control.

"Entertainment Daily wants to get our statement about what happened," Rivalz says.

"Tell them that we are releasing an official one soon. And please, if another one of those trash outlets call again, just don't entertain them."

"Yes, ma'am."

"A lot of people have uploaded the videos in their SNS accounts. We cannot keep up with how fast they spread."

"Do everything! I need it down and removed in the face of the earth."

"Channel 5 already broadcasted their report about the incident."

"Channel 47, too, and 13."

"A lot are bashing and attacking him in the internet. But there are also some who defend him."

Milly listens as the operator tells her again that Lelouch's phone is out of coverage area. _Damn it, where is that boy?_ He can't just disappear after creating this whole mess.

"The victim will not be filing a case," says Nina.

"When did he say that?"

"In an exclusive interview with Channel 41."

"Find a way to contact him immediately."

"Yes ma'am."

She tries to dial Lelouch's number again but it is useless. His sister does not know his whereabouts, too. Meanwhile, his friend, Suzaku is also MIA. What is happening?

"Good Lord, Lelouch, I thought we've talked about this," she utters to herself.

Suddenly her phone rings and the name of the caller brings instant panic to Milly. Because it only means bad news when the producer of the documentary calls you personally while the whole world is watching your talent punch someone with no remorse.

* * *

He will only make sure that she is okay then he will leave.

Just making sure that she is okay.

And perhaps also tell her about what Schneizel has been doing behind her back.

That bastard. Just thinking about his name is bringing him rage. No. He needs to calm down. He doesn't need to cause unnecessary fear to C.C.

The door opens after he rings the doorbell for the third time and the sight of her wide surprised eyes almost caused him to wrap his arms around her tightly.

"Lelouch? What are you doing here?"

Oh fuck sanity and reasons. Fuck Schneizel and all to Hell. Her innocent voice - unaware of what had happened - breaks his control and without thinking, his hands are on the sides of her face and he is staring at her with a panicked relief.

"You're okay," he utters. "You're okay," he tells himself.

"What happened?" As soon as her palm touches his hand, she immediately removes it and looks at the wetness on her palm.

"You're bleeding. Come in, we need to treat it."

"It's not my blood. It's Schneizel's."

"Schneizel? Where is he?" The immense worry in her voice makes Lelouch want to go back to the bar and punch the bastard more.

"I punched him, C.C. He was with another girl in the bar Suzaku and I were at and they kissed and I punched him. I'm sorry but I was just so angry so I punched, and punched, and punched his face because you don't deserve that and that fucking bastard doesn't deserve you!" He does not mean to raise his voice but he is beyond frustrated, panicked and furious at this point.

C.C. could only whisper in surprise. "He does what?"

"He cheated on you." There. He finally said it. The bad thing that Schneizel and him have in common. And delivering that news to C.C. is bringing him back to that day when he confessed his own cheating to her. He covers his eyes with his hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve that. I'm sorry, C.C." Good grief he doesn't know if he is sorry for her or if he is asking for her forgiveness. "I'm so-"

The sudden feel of her lips on his sends shockwaves throughout his body that he stands there motionless and unresponsive. C.C. pulls away slowly and stares up at him - panting.

Three.

Two.

One.

It only takes Lelouch three seconds to disregard reason and dives to her lips, kissing her rough with desperation, his hands cupping her face. C.C. kisses him back with the same intensity, their mouth and teeth clashing.

Then they are stumbling towards the sofa and they are on the sofa and C.C. is grabbing his hair and his tongue enters her mouth and goddamn it feels so so good to kiss her again. How long has it been since they last kissed? How long has it been since he felt her skin against his? How long, how long, it's been too long.

His mouth leaves her lips and proceeds to devour her neck - slender, smooth neck that had always been sensitive and ticklish.

"Lelouch," cries C.C. She writhes beneath him as he interlaces their fingers and pins her against the cushion.

 _"Please be gentle." The softness and shyness in her voice made him want to build a fortress around them to keep her demons far and away from her._

 _Touching the side of her face, he said, "I will be. And if I hurt you, tell me immediately, okay?"_

 _She nodded. She took a deep breath, bit her bottom lip which made him crazy and looked him into his eyes with resolute decision and said, "I'm ready."_

He misses her. Oh God, he had missed her in every way possible. Her laughter, her musings, the sparkle in her eyes, the way she smiles - a slight lift of the tips of her mouth, the subtle dimples on her cheeks, her eyes turning soft - her beautiful words that the world needed to hear and read, the whisper of her voice, her craving for pizza, the soft snores she did when she slept after a very tiring day, the pride in her eyes when she watched a film of his, her messiness, her stubbornness, her kindness, her strength in facing her demons, her... her... Her.

"I'm so sorry, C.C." he whispers to her skin as he kisses her neck. "Please forgive me. I'm sorry. I love you."

They both freeze as soon as the words left his mouth. Their ragged breaths fill the heated air as they process what he had just said. Lelouch stares blankly at the strands of her emerald hair as his heart thudded inside his chest.

"What did you say?" she pants.

Slowly, he lifts his body until he is looking down at her. Her eyes dazed and confused.

"Lelouch, what did you say?" she repeats.

"I..."

"C.C.!"

The sudden intrusion of another voice makes them jump away from each other. C.C. hastily fixes her crumpled shirt but upon seeing Schneizel's still bloody but swollen face, she passes by Lelouch and goes straight to him.

Lelouch quickly follows her and before C.C. could utter a word, he is in Schneizel's face. "What are you doing here, bastard?"

"What are you doing with _my_ girlfriend, Lelouch?" Schneizel snaps back.

"Stop it, both you!" If C.C. isn't there, Lelouch would have a second round with him. But the glare they are receiving from the woman makes all their restless energy and anger restrained.

She turns to the blonde man. "We need to treat your wounds. Come in." _What the fuck?_ Then she says to Lelouch, "I know we need to talk but please leave us for tonight."

"I won't leave you with him." He doesn't budge.

"He won't hurt me. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"But -"

"Please?"

"C.C..."

"Tomorrow, Lelouch."

They stare at each other - skin flushed, lips swollen - the remnants of what happened earlier still visible to anyone who would see them. The tension between the pair hasn't died down, instead the complication that Schneizel's appearance brought intensifies the emotions that are boiling inside them.

Lelouch throws a glare at Schneizel, never once regretting every punch he had landed on his now battered face. Pissed off, he steps infront of the latter and counters his height with his menace. He wants to say more, to threaten him of what he would do if he ever touches C.C. the wrong way, but all of Lelouch's anger keeps him dangerously silent.

Finally, he steps around Schneizel and without looking back, leaves C.C.'s room. He stays on the corridor in case something bad happen and stares incredulously at the door as he hears the muffled voices of the people inside.

 _They've got to be kidding him. They've got to be fucking kidding him._

Inside his car, Lelouch numbly switches on his phone and finds hundreds of Milly's voicemails and messages.

 _"Goddammit, Lelouch, where are you? The producers need your answer now if you'll take the role. You need to answer NOW. They're giving you this chance despite the mess that you've caused. Call me and go to the office once you receive this message."_

His thumb hovers over Milly's number, waiting for him to press it and give him her answer. So they chose him and still want him, huh. Is this luck? Lelouch's thinks of what he had heard behind the door a while ago.

He bangs his head against the steering wheel and a low crazy laugh bubbles in his chest.

Ridiculous. Everything is ridiculous.

He is certainly getting ridiculed by fate.


	13. chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

C.C. stands before the closed door for a while – torn between wanting to follow Lelouch and to confront Schneizel with what had happened. She has to follow him. She must, there's no other choice. After his confession, the moment they shared on the couch, the regret and despair that were mirrored in his eyes, he deserves to know the truth. She will tell him the truth. She does not care if he is going to hate her for what she did, it is what she deserves. But she can't let him suffer anymore. She's sorry, so so sorry.

She already grabs the doorknob when a hand holds her wrist. She looks up and Schneizel is staring at her worriedly.

"I am sorry for what happened. I didn't know… I didn't want it to end up like this."

C.C. shakes her head. "No, I am sorry for causing you trouble. This is my fault. I'll fix this."

"How are you going to fix this?" asks Schneizel.

Looking at him, C.C. follows as a trail of blood runs down her cheek. She feels so guilty. This is her fault. She lets go of the knob. "First, we need to treat your wounds. Come, I'll help you wash them."

Outside, she thinks that she heard some footsteps walking away from her door but it might as well be her imagination.

In the bathroom, Schneizel tells her what happened in the bar. How he was with his _real_ girlfriend having their date when all of a sudden Lelouch came out of nowhere – furiously mad, and the next thing that Schneizel knew was he was on the floor being punched by the other man.

The blonde man laughs as if he finds the whole situation hilarious. "I didn't even get to punch back. That's how angry he was."

Dipping the cloth into the water, C.C. does not share his light take of the events. Gently, she dabs the cloth on his injured cheek. "I'm really sorry about what happened. Where is Samantha? I must apologize to her, too."

"Well… I think, this is not the right time to see her. She's mad, too. But I took her home before going here."

"Does she know that you are here?"

Schneizel nods and winces at the pain. "Yeah. I had a suspicion that Lelouch would go straight here and got worried that he might do something to you. Samantha was cool with that. She's just really angry that I got hurt. Actually…"

C.C. beats him to it. "Yes, we are going to stop this pretense now. I'll tell Lelouch everything."

"He will get mad at you."

"I know."

"To the point that he might not want to see you again."

"I know."

"You're okay with that?"

"I…" C.C. looks away and stares at herself in the mirror. She looks better now than before she did her last attempt. Her cheeks are no more hollow and she had gained weight thanks to Kallen and Lelouch's constant watch on her food intake. Her green hair that was once limp and lifeless now glows like the green, green grass on a damp night as the moon shed its light. Rosy, her skin had lost its pale pallor giving her a healthy image. It is unbelievable how she had transformed to this pleasant state when just months ago she was the epitome of a zombie. Spending the days walking aimlessly around her room, her head full of self-hatred, self-blame that led to blaming Lelouch for everything that had happened. Waking up became a hard task that she didn't want to do anymore and she craved for the pain that the cutting her father did to her brought.

But now, she only has scars to remind her that they were a permanent part of her.

 _Permanent. Nothing is permanent._

"I have to set him free," she says silently.

"Free?"

"Yes. Free from guilt, free from regret, free from sadness." _Free from me._

"I see…" From the mirror, C.C. watches Schneizel stand up and place the cloth down the sink. "Dr. Croomy will be both angry and proud of you if she finds out what we've been doing."

C.C. shrugs. "I might take those extra sessions that she has been offering." She faces Schneizel. "Thank you for being a good friend, Schneizel, despite that I dragged you into this stupid mess. Please send Samantha my gratitude and apology too. When the time comes that she has calmed down, I hope that we can go out for a coffee."

"I'll tell her. Take care of yourself, C.C. I'll see you in the clinic."

As soon as Schneizel left her apartment, C.C. quickly gets her phone and dials Lelouch's number. After the fifth time of his phone being out of reach, she decides to grab her apartment keys and leave her residence. But she just took a couple of steps into the corridor when a voice stops her.

"Where are you going?"

Turning around, she finds Kallen standing outside of her door. "To Lelouch."

"I saw him enter your apartment earlier. Then Schneizel came all bloody and Lelouch left looking displeased. What happened there?"

"I'll tell you later. I need to see him first."

She doesn't wait for her to respond and just runs out of the corridor, out of the apartment complex and hails a taxi. But before they could reach his home, the road is already closed from public. Getting out, she finds some crew cabs parked on the road side and reporters camping before the 'Closed' sign.

"Yes, yes. He hasn't come home. We're still waiting outside. They closed the road but we're already many right here so I doubt that the security can take it longer. Yes, we'll be here overnight. I'll call immediately if there's a progress."

"Nope. No sign of him. We'll be on standby."

"Yes, the video is so viral right now. Other artists have expressed their opinions on the matter. Okay, I'll call you back, I think I saw someone… Hey! Wait, miss!"

Suddenly a man in a long black coat is running towards C.C. Anxious, she tries to walk faster away but the man has long legs and reaches her in no time. He blocks her way and C.C.'s heart begins beating fast. "I know you."

"No," she answers while shaking her head so fast. She keeps her head down, avoiding the man's gaze.

"Yes. You are a friend of Lelouch, right? I saw you with him in some pictures. Why are you here? Are you looking for him?"

"No." She tries to get away but suddenly, reporters are swarming her, lights and cameras are pointed at her, voices are coming from every side and she cannot breathe.

"Do you know where he is?"

"What can you say about what happened?"

"Is he really that violent?"

"What is your name? How are you related to him?"

"Are you his girlfriend?"

"Do you know the reason why he took an indefinite leave?"

"Miss! Miss! Please look this way!"

C.C. covers her face and prays so hard for herself to disappear. She prays so hard for them to leave her alone, for a space to emerge that is enough for her to escape this chaos, for them to stop shouting and talking.

"Stop… Stop…"

"Lelouch got into a fight because of a girl. Are you that girl?!"

Someone is breathing down at her. Another tries to grab her hand and put it down. A hand gets a hold of her hair and she attempts to shake it off. Her heart is beating fast. She's catching her breath. Sweaty palms, shaky fingers. Someone help her. Someone get her away from there.

Suddenly, everything turns dark.

C.C. immediately looks up and finds a tall blonde man blocking the lights and cameras.

"Gino," she whispers.

"Come on."

Gino wraps his arm on her shoulder and pulls her tightly against him. Rather harshly, her friend wards off the uncontrollable paparazzi and reporters – his other arm spread as he sweeps the people away from them. C.C. is almost carried, her feet almost not touching the ground as Gino walks briskly and with purpose. After a couple of minutes of struggling to get out, they finally manage to reach his car and quickly get in. People bang on their windows, their shouts still audible from the inside as the pair leaves the vicinity.

"Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"

C.C. gazes straight ahead, the hands that are tightly clasped on her lap are still shaking from the ordeal.

"I'm… I'm fine. Thank you for saving me."

"Damn, paparazzi," Gino mutters under his breath.

"What are you doing there?"

Swerving to the right, the car slows down as an old woman crosses the street. "Kallen was worried so she told me to follow you. But I wasn't sure were you've gone that's why I came late."

"Still, thank you. But… Can we not go home yet? I still need to talk to Lelouch."

"But he's not there, right? Do you have any idea where he is?"

"I might have a hunch."

They arrive at a two-storey brick building that, thankfully, is not filled with reporters and paparazzi. Gino accompanies C.C. to the door with his eyes roaming around the place.

A young man with dark bluish hair opens the door after C.C.'s third attempt to ring the doorbell.

"Hello. You are Rivalz, right?"

The man looks at her hesitantly. "C.C.?"

"Yes, yes it is me. Is Lelouch there?"

She doesn't know how much the staff knew about her condition, or if they knew at all. She had been with them for more than a couple of times and talked to some of them whenever she brought Lelouch lunch and dinner when they were still together.

"I'm sorry but he is not here."

"Where is he? He's not in his house."

"Well…" he briefly gazes towards Gino before answering her. "He is out with Miss Milly. They are talking to the producers as of the moment."

"Can you call her? I can't reach Lelouch through phone. Please?"

"Uhmmm… I'm sorry. But that is a very important meeting. Milly told me not to let anything or anyone interrupt them."

"Rivalz, please. I've got something very important to tell Lelouch, too."

"Can't it wait until tomorrow? We're also busy here doing damage control."

 _Damage control._

C.C. peeks at the scene behind Rivalz. Endless sounds of typing and phones ringing permeate the air. Some staff are walking, some running up the stairs, shouting numbers, names of people, websites, channels and the like. People losing sleep and rest because of what had happened.

And it is all her fault.

All her goddamn fault.

Giving him her sternest stare, she reaches out to Rivalz. "Please let me talk to her. I might have an idea how to fix this. Please, Rivalz. I'll take the blame if she gets mad at you."

The young man stares at her for a moment before finally retrieving his phone and dials Milly's number.

"She's not answering. I told you, she doesn't want to be disrupted."

"Can you send her a message telling that it's important?"

"Okay."

After he texted Milly and dialed again, the woman on the other line answers at last.

Rivalz winces at the irritated voice on the other end. "C.C.'s here. She has something very important to tell you."

Immediately, she receives the phone from him and walks a few steps away from the group.

"Hello?"

A sigh. "C.C. I'm in a meeting right now. Make this fast."

"Is Lelouch with you? Can I talk to him?"

"I left him with the producers. And no, you can't right now. I told you…"

"Then please tell him that I need to see him after. Please, Milly."

"Is that all?"

"Actually…"

* * *

Milly glances back at the glass wall where Lelouch is having a serious talk with the producers and the director of the documentary on the other side.

"I would like to help in clearing Lelouch's name." C.C.'s voice brings her back to the matter at hand.

"And how would you do that?"

"I want to tell people what really happened. That Lelouch is not a violent man who attacks people for no reason. If you have a media outfit that you trusted, I can do an interview with them and tell them the truth."

"The truth? What is the truth, C.C.?"

"I can't tell you now, but I hope you'll trust me with this."

Trust her? How can Milly trust someone who is suffering from amnesia? How can she take her words when this C.C. barely knew her talent? But the finality and firmness in her voice takes her by surprise. The mere idea of C.C. willingly accommodating an interview is already mind-blowing. It had been the one thing that Lelouch and she had been trying to avoid when they were together – for C.C.'s face to be plastered on all forms of media.

But now, for C.C. to volunteer herself, to put herself at the plain sight of the media, fans and antis, is a huge serious step for her.

Milly puts her hand on her forehead and sighs tiredly. "Fine. I have one in mind. When do you want to do it?"

"As soon as possible. Tomorrow perhaps?"

"Tomorrow…" Again, she looks back and finds the group on the other room exchanging handshakes. "Okay, we'll do it tomorrow. I'll tell you the details later."

"Thank you, Milly, thank you. And please don't forget to tell Lelouch."

"Goodbye."

The manager turns around just in time with Lelouch and his companions coming out of the door. Rushing to them, Milly profusely apologizes for suddenly disappearing.

"No need to worry," Mr. Gottwald says kindly. "Mr. Lamperouge is a very principled man and I like that about him. I have a feeling that we won't regret this decision."

Lelouch laughs good-naturedly, very opposite from how he had come in earlier – scowling and in a very dark mood. "And you are one admirable man, Mr. Gottwald. Your stories and charitable works are very inspiring."

"Please, just call me Jeremiah. Anyway, Miss Ashford. We will push through with our schedule as planned."

"Oh, about that. My assistant manager would be the one to go with you tomorrow. There are some loose ends that I have to finish here but rest assured that I will be following the next day."

She catches Lelouch looking at her curiously but she just subtly shakes her head at him.

"I see. Well, we are looking forward to working with you. This project is going to be very much successful."

"Thank you," they both answer.

As soon as they enter the elevator, her talent immediately bombards her with questions.

"Why can't you come with us tomorrow?"

"I told you the answer earlier."

"Is it because of the call a while ago? Who was it?"

Milly sighs. She's been sighing a lot of times in the past few minutes. "It's Rivalz. He said that a witness is willing to do an interview tomorrow to clear your name so that's what I'll be doing tomorrow."

"Really? Then I should stay here, too. I mean, I need to thank him or her…"

"Him…"

"I need to thank him for what he would be doing."

"Don't worry yourself with this matter. I already told him our gratitude. Just focus on this project and I'll handle the rest. You'll come back here with a slate as clean as when you were a newcomer in the industry."

"Are you sure? I feel bad."

"I am certain, Lelouch. He even sends you his regards."

"I see… I see… Is that all?"

"That's all."

And Milly silently says an apology to her most important talent.

* * *

"Are you really sure about this?"

"I am."

"As in 200% sure about what you are going to do?"

"Make it 300% sure, Kallen."

Her friend holds her on her shoulders all the while looking at her with a mix of pride and worry.

"This is something that you've been avoiding to do and in a matter of minutes the public will know your face and name. Your life might not be as simple as how you knew it."

C.C. smiles. "When has my life been simple?"

"And give it a week or two and the public will move on to another issue."

The two women turn to source of the voice that is walking easily towards them. As she reaches their place, Milly puts a reassuring hand on C.C.'s arm. "But we need them to move on with Lelouch's image cleansed and reliable again. And that's what you are going to do, right?"

"Yes. Thank you for sending me the questions in advanced."

"I made sure that Ms. Nu will not ask unnecessary questions to you. And you are free not to answer those that you find invading and inappropriate. This will be broadcasted live."

C.C. takes in a deep breath. "Okay. Does... Does Lelouch know that I am doing this? Did you tell him that I need to see him?"

"As of now, we are putting him away from the public's eye. Don't - "

"So he doesn't know that C.C. will be having an interview," interrupts Kallen. "Because if he did, I'm pretty sure that he would be against this and tried all his might to be here."

Milly straightens making herself taller than her audience. "It is better this way. The truth should come out and if Lelouch himself will hinder this opportunity to gain the public's favor again then I don't have any choice but to do some precautionary measures."

"Whatever. Just fulfill your promise about C.C.'s security."

"Of course, I will. Well, it's time. Let's go, C.C."

Suddenly, her heart thuds ten times faster ever since she woke up. She is doing this. She really is doing this – facing the media, speaking before a camera, in a national television which millions would be watching, her face would become recognizable to more people that she doesn't know of. Putting herself infront of the public in order to clear Lelouch's name.

She clutches her chest. She is going to do this. She will no matter what. Despite not everything she would say is entirely the truth. She has to lie on some parts so that Schneizel wouldn't be so badly affected of the attention too. Ah, look what she has done. Ruining and bothering the lives of the people who only wanted goodness for her. Including Kallen and Gino who she is causing unnecessary stress.

Kallen who has always been with her, has always believed in her when she didn't believed in herself. Kallen who easily forgave and accepted her after the all the lies she had been doing to her.

C.C. looks up from her seat - her ears ringing from the sudden onslaught of nerves. Bright lights blind her but she immediately finds the clear cerulean eyes that have been her rock throughout her whole life. _Thank you._

The owner nods encouragingly and C.C. takes a deep breath and begins declaring her apology for the person who deserves it the most.


	14. chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Suzaku wouldn't have seen the interview if not for Nunnally spending the night in his apartment and turning on the TV first thing in the morning, tuning in the morning news. As a the founder and CEO of his own business, the young entrepreneur barely has time for paying attention to the television particularly if business calls and orders come first during the early hours of the day.

So Suzaku would have totally missed the interview if Nunnally didn't get his attention from tying his necktie and the confusion and alarm in her voice didn't send panic to his body.

"Why is she being interviewed? Do you know about this? Does my brother know?"

 _"Our special guest, Miss C.C., personally requested for this interview to give light to what really happened in a brawl last night that involved the award-winning actor Lelouch Lamperouge and a man named Schneizel la Britannia."_

Shit.

Suzaku immediately grabs his phone from the counter and dials Lelouch's number but of all the times that he is out of reach, it has to be now. Well, Suzaku couldn't contact his friend since last night. _Where is that bastard?_

He turns his attention back to the screen and observes how C.C. fidget on the edges of her sleeves. Yet, her eyes are equipped with firm resolve and resilience.

Taking a seat beside his girlfriend, he holds Nunnally's right hand, feeling how cold it is.

 _"Hello, C.C. How are you doing?"_

 _"Nervous."_

The interviewer smiles kindly. _"It's okay. Everyone is nervous during their first time."_

The innuendo doesn't escape Suzaku but his friend must be really nervous to get it. The interviewer must have done it to diffuse the tension but Suzaku finds the joke quite inappropriate.

 _"I will go straight to asking questions. How old are you, C.C."_

" _I'm 26."_

" _And what do you do for a living?"_

" _I am running a pet shop together with my best friend."_

" _I see. And how do you know Lelouch? What is your relationship to him?"_

 _"He is a very good friend of mine."_

 _"How long do you know him?"_

 _"I know him since high school. We were classmates during our senior year."_

Wait.

What is she talking about?

"Since high school? But..." Nunnally's eyes widen as she turns to him. "Does it mean that she regained her memories?"

Suzaku texts Lelouch.

 _Are you watching? Are you seeing this? Do you know? Where are you?_

" _And you never lost communication? Even as you entered college?"_

C.C. looks down and grasps her skirt. _"No, we didn't."_

" _Hmmm. So you are really_ that _close. Then you would know him better than anyone here inside your living room."_

" _Yes."_

" _And does the Lelouch that you know has a violent streak on him?"_

C.C. shakes her head without any hesitation. _"No. He was never a violent man…"_

In that brief pause, Suzaku hears her unspoken words: _Except for that one time with Tamaki._

" _Lelouch is… a gentle, thoughtful and kind man. If there is someone who would not hesitate to help a person in need, someone who would try his best to understand a person's situation, it would be him."_

Nunnally gasps beside Suzaku, her eyes glistening. Goddammit Lelouch, are you seeing this? Are you hearing what C.C. is saying?

" _Then what happened? What drove our kind and gentle Lelouch to rain punches to a man who is larger and stronger than him without any hesitation leaving the said man with a bloody swollen face?"_

" _He… He was only trying to protect me."_

"I can't believe that this is actually happening," whispers Nunnallly. "This could save Lelouch's career. Oh God, I never thought that I would watch C.C. on TV defending his honor despite everything that happened. Suzaku, have you contacted him?"

"Not yet. He isn't answering my calls and texts."

"Stupid brother, where are you in this important event?"

And Suzaku wonders too. For all of the people, Lelouch is the one who will never ever let this pass, who will never ever have this moment happen without being there for C.C. But he isn't there. He is not anywhere.

"Let's hope that he is watching too. I'm pretty sure that he is. This is about C.C. and his career, he won't miss this."

And Suzaku fucking hopes he doesn't.

* * *

"Can I have my phone now?"

The small dark-haired woman beside him glances at his direction briefly before going back to her IPad to watch whatever movie she'd been fixated on the past hour.

"Nina…"

"Milly said not to let you near any gadget until we land."

"But someone must be trying to contact me now."

"Who? We changed your number, remember?" she answers without looking at him.

"Yes, and without my permission. Did you at least keep my contact list?"

The assistant manager nods. "We did, so stop worrying and try to relax. Maybe you can use this time to catch up with your sleep. This is going to be a long flight."

Sighing, Lelouch gives up and looks out at the sea of white clouds outside. He left. He left them just like that – without any good bye, without 'see you laters'. No one knew from his circle of friends that he will be gone for too long - two years at most - except for Nunnally, though their last conversation about it was of him considering taking the role.

He can clearly imagine the amount of scolding that he will get from both Nunnally and Suzaku when he tells them about it later. Later. He will immediately call them later and apologize for his abrupt decision.

Leaning his head on the back rest, Lelouch closes his eyes and _her_ words last night comes back to him like a lightning.

" _No, I am sorry for causing you trouble. This is my fault. I'll fix this."_

Why? Why did she apologize to that bastard as if she's the one who did something wrong? Why was it her fault? Why C.C.'s the one who's going to fix it?

Lelouch was so angry. So furiously but numbly angry upon hearing what she said. If there was someone among them who should have been apologizing, it should be Schneizel and him. And where did that anger lead him? To a flight away from everyone.

He squeezes his eyes tightly so as to drive away the images of them having reconciliation that his mind's been plaguing him.

So Schneizel's going to get the second chance with C.C., something that he had been wanting for so long. She must have really liked him. Must be inlove even. Lucky bastard. Goddamn, what a lucky bastard.

He might call her later. To apologize for everything that had happened last night. To tell her not to worry about what he unintentionally told her during the heat of the situation. He will call her to thank her for the brief friendship and then say his good bye.

Because this time, Lelouch has made a decision to stay away from C.C. for good. He understands now that her happiness does not involve him. But unlike the last time, he's going to make sure that he will say a proper good bye.

* * *

"Protect you? Can you elaborate more on that?"

C.C. takes in what is her tenth deep breath while doing the interview. "Schneizel is my ex-boyfriend. We just broke up days ago and not yet told anyone about it. When Lelouch saw him at the bar with another woman last night, he thought that Schneizel was cheating on me. That's why he's so angry."

The Ms. Nu tilts her head to the side. "You mean to tell me that it all happened because of a misunderstanding?"

"Yes. Lelouch didn't know that Schneizel and I were not together anymore."

"But wasn't he too aggressive? He could have just confronted Schneizel yet instead he punched him so hard and for a lot of times not giving the other man a chance to fight back."

"The thing is… Lelouch cares too deeply for the people who are important to him." A nostalgic smile appears on her lips as she stares down and watches as her fingers play with her skirt. All at once, images of him helping Nunnally with her assignments and projects back when they were younger come back to her.

Images of Lelouch helping his little sister navigate the world of celebrities when she was just starting her career as a model even though he hadn't rested from filming all day and all night.

Of Lelouch supporting Suzaku while the latter's still a new entrepreneur and even lending his best friend some money in order for him to get the business finally going. Then, volunteering to be the model of Suzaku's company in its first years for free.

Of Lelouch assisting Kallen escape her abusive father when he happened to pass by her house while her father was hitting Kallen earning him a hit of his own.

Images of him and _her_ in his bedroom, in the pretense of practicing scripts after school while knowing fully well that that was his way of saving her from the nightmare her own house brings.

Him staying in her room secretly whenever Tamaki's around and her parents wouldn't let her leave the house.

Lelouch fighting Tamaki with his bare hands. Lelouch almost facing a homicide case in his teenage years because of her.

Taking very good care of her when her depression returned.

Loving her unconditionally.

Not giving up on her.

Yes, he didn't give up on her on purpose. She manipulated him – used her condition to make him stay and feel guilty. Then she pushed him away. Pushed so far, far away she did until there's no direction left for him to walk but forward and out.

Ah, how can she easily forget about these? How can she let herself forget about his goodness and her cruelty? How... How heartless of her.

And until now, all she does is hurt him still.

Perhaps... She bites her lips. Perhaps breaking up was the best decision.

"... C.C.?"

"He cares so much to the point that he could forget himself for the sake of others," she whispers, then with her eyes determined and voice steady, she looks up to the camera and says, "That's why, I am asking everyone of you to not judge his entire character just from this incident. Lelouch is so much more than that. He is an artist who is passionate and hardworking to his craft. A smart man who uses his intelligence in helping others. Every work that he had done all contain a piece of his heart that he cherishes so much. He is a man of sincerity and courage. And..." She closes her eyes briefly and when she opens them again, she imagines him sitting infront of her, listening to every word she says just like what he did all those dark times when her thoughts come running wild in her mind and there's nothing else that she could do but to cry them out at him. She imagines him nodding his head subtly to encourage her to open up and express her feelings. His vibrant amethyst eyes patiently waiting for her, a contemplative look on his face. Lelouch is a patient man especially to her but she abused that trait of his until he had nothing left to give. "I would like to take this opportunity to thank him for always being there for me. Thank you, Lelouch."

And there are a lot more things that she is thankful for him but they are too personal to declare in the broadcast.

Later, when they can finally talk, she will tell Lelouch everything.

The interview runs for only 20 minutes, but it is the longest 20 minutes of C.C.'s life. Her palms are cold but sweaty and heart never stops racing throughout the whole time. She had even worn down the sleeves of her shirt.

As soon as it is over and the crew are removing their equipment from her apartment, C.C. approaches Kallen who gives her a tight comforting hug.

"You did well, C.C. I'm so proud of you," Kallen says, her voice muffled by C.C.'s shoulder.

"Do you think I was able to convince them?"

"We cannot convince everybody but I'm pretty sure that a lot of people out there were touched by your words."

"I hope so... Thank you, Kallen, for believing in me."

The redhead moves away from her and tries her hardest to hide the stray tears that escaped her eyes.

"Are you being a crybaby now?" teases C.C.

"Oh, shut up, it's the hormones."

Roaming her eyes around the room, C.C. looks for the another person who she needs to talk to. She finds Milly talking to the interviewer and lets them have more time to discuss the interview.

Thirsty, she goes to the kitchen to get some water and to check her phone. No text messages. No calls. Has he watched it? Did he see?

She puts his name in the search tab of Google and her spirits lift up upon seeing positive comments about Lelouch just after the interview. A number of articles have also been released online about it. Leaving the kitchen, she asks Kallen to check Twitter and look for what is being talked about there.

"Well, he's actually trending."

"Yeah? Is that a good thing?"

"Hmmm. The hashtag is actually in favor of him and a lot of people even non-fans are expressing their understanding of the situation, even praising him though there are some who are still bashing Lelouch."

When finally the TV production left and everything is peaceful again inside her apartment, C.C. gets the chance to talk to Milly, who has been smiling so brightly ever since the interview ended. She is about to approach her when the older lady engulfs her in a suffocating embrace.

"Thank you very much, C.C.! The interview is already influencing the opinions of the public positively!" Holding onto her shoulders, C.C. is relieved that she gets the manager's approval.

"Thank you for making this possible. But Milly… Can I see Lelouch now?"

It's so fast, so quick like an arrow soaring in the wind but also so dramatic that the change in Milly's expression sends a feeling of dread to C.C.

Putting her hand on her forehead, Milly avoids C.C.'s eyes, her lips in between her teeth while she struggles to make a decision infront of her.

"Milly?"

Milly sighs. "Lelouch is… gone."

C.C. gives her a confused stare. "Where did he go?"

"He's…" the blonde woman shakes her head then looks at her apologetically. "I am sorry for not telling you. But he needs to be focused on this important project so I didn't tell him that you're the one doing the interview and, I didn't tell you that he already left so that you can focus on the interview, too."

"Milly, where is Lelouch?" she asks slowly.

"Lelouch got chosen to be the host of a documentary project that will be filmed overseas and he accepted the role last night. He is in the plane now."

C.C. is not processing any of this. "Plane? Where is he going? How long will he be gone?"

"Well, the final destination is Nepal where he will climb the Mt. Everest together with the subject. But he'll be undergoing a lot of training and conditioning which will take place in different countries."

Nepal. Mt. Everest. Different countries.

"How long?" she repeats.

"We estimated a length of two years since he is very new to this. But it could still change depending on his progress during the training."

Two years.

He'll be gone for two years.

"Isn't it dangerous? Climbing Mt. Everest, I mean."

Milly nods solemnly. "It is very dangerous. We were all oriented of the risks and dangers that we might encounter during this project. But Lelouch is really interested and if he succeeds, he would be the very first celebrity to have such accomplishment."

"But…"

But people die doing it. Once she had watched a documentary on TV about how cruel Mt. Everest is. How its coldness steal people's breaths and heartbeats away. Accidents of avalanche taking lives have also been in the nightly news – unpredictable and inescapable.

A warm hand on her arm gets her out of her stupor.

"I'm really sorry, C.C. But I think, it is better to have some distance between the two of you right now. Lelouch was a complete mess when he met me last night. Whatever happened between the two of you prior that greatly affected his decision. I'm glad that your memories have returned and am truly grateful for your help… I need to go now and catch my flight. Take care of yourself, C.C."

* * *

Kallen comes back to C.C.'s apartment after taking her vitamins. Her tummy's growing and she wants to make sure that the baby is healthy and well-nourished. Tomorrow, she and Gino will visit her ob gyne for an ultrasound. The doctor had told them that the baby is taking form. She is ecstatic and very much excited to see her little human. Her husband wouldn't even shut up about it.

Knocking on the already opened door, Kallen finds C.C. standing infront of a window, gazing up at the sky.

"Hey. I thought you're going to see, Lelouch."

"I can't... He left."

The red head raises a brow. "During this critical situation? Where did that bastard go?"

"Away. To Nepal. Overseas. I don't know… I… He doesn't know…"

"What are you talking about? Hey, C.C."

The tired and regretful look on her friend's face is what greets her when Kallen grabbed her arm and made C.C. look her way. Her golden eyelids are drooped low, the tips of her lips are forming a melancholic smile.

"He left without knowing the truth. Without knowing that I've forgiven him, and now… Now, he might never come back. Kallen... What have I done?"


	15. chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

 _July (Three months later)_

"Good job, team! Everyone did so well during the climb!"

The cold, biting wind that has been their company throughout the whole trek kisses Lelouch's already cherry red cheeks as he catches his own breath on top of Mt. Rainier. His breath is another white cloud of condensed air that perfectly blends to his surroundings.

Three days. It took them three days to reach the summit - spending their days in the midst of glaciers and worries for avalanches, and their nights in the warmth of tents and bonfires. No amount of glacier travel, self-rescue, and wilderness experiences could have prepared him for the actual thing. His arms and legs are aching, his shoulders are stiff from carrying the heavy gears and equipment. Yet the sense of accomplishment and triumph overpower his exhaustion and as he sees the scenery below, as he realizes how high he is from the rest of the world, he is grateful that he didn't succumb to the thoughts of surrender and regrets that plagued him during the entire climb.

Because all around him, all beneath him is breathtaking and magical.

* * *

The reflection on the mirror is not lying. He really is starting to pack some muscles up and his body seems fitter and slightly bigger than the slim figure that he had before. He tries to flex his arm and yes, there are some bumps on his biceps. Lelouch swallows his laugh of disbelief. He is not the type of actor who invests on his body. He had preferred to spend his free time reading scripts and with C.C. rather than going to the gym before. Plus, he was never insecure about his body type but seeing that he is capable of looking like this (which he admits, looks better on him) gives him added confidence. This is the product of months of proper diet and training, and with the fact that there are still more months of this rigorous discipline, there is a big possibility that his body could still change.

Lelouch shakes his head. Nope, he cannot imagine himself with a defined chest and sporting a six-packed abs. That is a hilarious thought even to him. Grabbing a tie, he gathers his longish hair away from his face and starts shaving. Tomorrow, the team will fly to France where they will climb Mont Blanc – another peak to conquer as part of his preparation in climbing Everest. But before Mont Blanc, they have to trek lower mountains in the country to acclimatize their bodies with the extreme weather. Milly estimated their stay in France to be at least another two months. So far the team is nothing but supportive and enthusiastic about the project. Everyone of them are getting along with each other. They are a bunch of different individuals with differing jobs and disciplines that united for this special project. He is not thinking about being the first celebrity to climb the Everest if he ever succeeds. Right now, his mind is set to cherish each moment and lesson that he will acquire during this journey.

For this is such a once in a lifetime opportunity that not many has the privilege to experience.

And he will make every second of it worthwhile.

* * *

"Faster! Two more miles ahead!"

Their team leader immediately vanishes from his sight as she dashes to the frontlines. Panting, Lelouch forces his legs to take more steps as he conditions his mind that he is not yet tired.

"Two miles? Didn't she say that this is the last mile?"

Milly laughs beside him. It is amazing how she doesn't even sweat from all the running they've done. "That is just sweet talk. If they say 'a mile left' they actually mean that 'ten miles left'. Why? Are you giving up now?"

As he vehemently shakes his head, droplets of sweat fly out of his hair. Because if there is one thing that Lelouch had learned so far in this project, that is not to give up while there is still a chance for him to succeed.

* * *

Kallen patiently waits inside their car as her husband closes the pet store. Reaching forward, she lowers the temperature of the aircon as the summer heat penetrates the interior of the vehicle. Well she leans forward as far as her large stomach would allow her. Vivienne or Vivi for short has been very active lately especially at night that Kallen's body clock is in a state of chaos. She is fully awake from night until dawn and deeply asleep during the day causing Gino to take over the management of the pet store.

She is not certain if it is a good thing or not, but her husband has taken a leave of absence from his profession so that he will be closer to her now that her due date is fast approaching. Currently, he is in-charge of the business while they are still looking for an assistant. She sighs. Hopefully they'll find someone reliable and trustworthy soon. Anya had stated her interest about the position last week but she hasn't passed an application form. There are a bunch that had already underwent the interview but she still needs to make sure that they meet the qualifications.

Ugh, if they wouldn't find someone, they will be forced to close the store temporarily when her due month arrives.

"Did you get enough sleep? You should have waited for me in the apartment." Gino starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot.

"I'm fine. I slept earlier than usual today. Are the flowers and candles all set?"

"Yup." He checks his watch. "We only have fifteen minutes until the cemetery closes. I'm sorry, I was stuck with a customer."

"It's fine. We can still meet our schedule."

On the road, Kallen loses herself in nostalgia and recounts all the times that she spent with her. How she became her only ally whenever her father hit her and her older brother. How she became her silent shoulder to cry on when her limbs were aching and swelling. And how her presence was enough to assure her that she was not alone.

But now… now she was gone and Kallen wasn't even there during her last days. She feels guilty and regretful for not reaching out sooner, for not encouraging her to open up. She had known that she was in a painful situation yet Kallen remained as a bystander while her condition deteriorated.

Her death was abrupt but expected. During her last days, her smile totally vanished and she had stayed in her room every day. The doctor said that her sickness got the better of her and that there was nothing they could have done to save her.

Kallen could still clearly remember the last time they had talked. She could still stand by then but her tired eyes and smile sought the peace that life could not give. If only Kallen asked more questions, if only she encouraged her to talk more and be honest with her feelings.

If only… If only's are what she has now.

Gino's hand is on her back as they make their way to her tomb. Placing the roses that she loved so much and lighting the candles, the redhead says a silent prayer for her peace and happiness.

"I wish I would have known her more," Gino utters.

"She was a good woman. The best stepmom that I could ever ask for. She's one of the persons I've trusted aside from C.C."

"Yeah?"

"When we graduated, I asked her to come with me, but she chose to stay with my father so that he wouldn't have the urge to follow us. She stayed with him eventhough it was Hell living with that bastard."

"I'm sorry."

She runs a hand through her hair. "I should have just decided to look for her sooner and get her out of that Hell hole but I was too late."

She stares at the name engraved on the stone.

 _Lily Stadtfeld_

As pretty as the woman lying beneath it.

Though against her will, they had to cut their visit short and immediately proceed to the hospital to make it to the visiting hours.

A basket in hand, Kallen waits with her husband in the visiting area together with the other families who are hoping to see their relatives.

She is browsing through the photos in her phone when she hears her voice.

"Hello, Kallen."

Looking up, she finds her friend in a white hospital gown with a soft smile on her face.

"C.C…."

* * *

Suzaku wants to hit something.

His goddamn of a best friend had disappeared in the face of the planet for three months and counting now. If not for Kallen telling him that Lelouch went overseas to film a project, he would have presumed him as dead. No goodbyes. No phone calls. Not even a text message. Making every one of them especially Nunnally very much worried. They could only follow his journey through random updates in entertainment news as he summits one mountain peak after another.

And now…

And now, he has the gall to call him! After three months of silence, Lelouch is calling him using a different number. Bastard.

"Are you still there, Suzaku?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know. Are you still there, Lelouch or will you just disappear again like that?" he spats.

"I'm sorry. I… A lot had happened _that day_ and I actually thought of calling everyone once we landed but when we reached our destination, I just… I just couldn't, you know? Like…" A sigh. "I finally felt free."

"Well, you could have notify us, I don't know, after a few days? Like a decent friend would."

"I'm really sorry."

Turning around, Suzaku faces his office window and looks beyond the skyline. "Nunnally was so worried."

"Yeah, I just called her and got an earful."

"You deserve it, bastard."

"I do."

An awkward silence settles between them as they both calculate each other's mood. Three months of lost communication had rendered them unfamiliar particularly with how they left things unsettled.

"Why are you calling now, Lelouch?"

"We're currently in France and the weather and sceneries are nice and I wish everyone is here with me."

"Just admit that you missed us," he mumbles.

There's a smile in Lelouch's voice. "I do."

And with that carefree answer, Suzaku notices that something had changed in his friend. There is a rare light lilt in his voice that was not present when he was together with them. Even through the phone, he can sense Lelouch's inner peace and contentment which vibrate past modern communication means.

"What's happening there?"

"Well, everyday I do physical training like running, weight lifting – "

"Weight lifting? You're lying."

"I am not. Then my diet is being closely monitored and there is mental training as well. When our team leader decides that we are ready, we will then proceed to climb the next mountain. Right now, we are aiming for Mont Blanc."

"Then after that you'll move to another country to trek another mountain until you are prepared enough for Everest?"

"Yes. You got it."

"How long are you gonna be away?"

"I can't say. There are many factors to consider. But as Milly estimated, the longest would be two years."

"I see. Always remember to be careful, then."

"I always do. I will come back there better than before, Suzaku."

Another silence.

A jet plane passes over the buildings and Suzaku watches as it leaves a trail of white smoke on its wake that immediately dissipates in the sky – losing its beautiful form yet perfectly blending with the clouds.

"Aren't you going to ask about _her_?" he asks monotonously.

A heartbeat.

Two.

Three.

Five.

"I've already accepted my fate, Suzaku," Lelouch silently answers. "I know now that her happiness does not involve me and my presence would just be a confusion in her life. Perhaps, Schneizel is really a good person and we acted prematurely that night. But if he is the one who could give her happiness and if he swore that he wouldn't do something like that again, then there's no reason for me to insist my feelings. Tell me, is he being good to her? Is he taking good care of her?"

Wait a minute. _What the hell?_

"What are you saying? Didn't you see the interview? Nunnally didn't tell you?"

"Interview? What interview? Nunnally was in a hurry a while ago."

"The one that took place a day after the incident. The one that C.C. did."

A tensed silence emerges again that suzaku could actually hear his heart beating. The noises from the road below reverberate in his ears as he waits for his friend to speak. Then in a low and slow voice, Lelouch says, "She didn't do one. Milly told me that a witness was willing to do an interview not C.C… Not C.C."

Shit. This isn't good.

"Well, Milly lied to you. And she lied to C.C., too because C.C. had wanted to talk to you after that interview and your manager didn't tell her that you already left. It's all over the news, all over social media. It's freaking impossible to miss, Lelouch. You transfer to another country, not to another planet."

"They all kept me away from the television and newspaper and the world wide web with the reason that I have to focus on this project. I mean…" Lelouch lets out mirthless laugh almost bordering to an angry one. "I don't really pay attention to gossips and entertainment news so I didn't mind."

"Stupid," mutters Suzaku. "I'll send you the link. Watch it, Lelouch. Fucking watch it, then make your decision."

"I will. Thank you, Suzaku."

"And one more thing. This might affect your concentration over there but she is currently in the hospital."

* * *

"Who are you praying for?"

C.C. turns to her right and finds Cornelia watching her from her seat. There's the angry and hateful look in her eyes that she has been wearing ever since C.C. had met her. The older woman came before her self-admission last week. They are not in the same group therapy, not even under the same treatment but they always see each other in the hospital's chapel during the afternoon.

Yet, she cannot consider them as friends but more likely as acquaintances, so Cornelia's personal question catches her off guard.

"What made you think that I am praying for someone?"

A shrug. "Just guessing and curious."

C.C. looks back to the altar and gazes at the colourful stained-glass of angels behind the hanging cross. It looks magnificent and haunting. A story is forming in her mind and she cannot wait to return to her room and write about it in her notebook.

"It's not a matter of 'who' but a matter of 'what'."

More confused now, Cornelia stares at her as if waiting for her to elaborate her response yet C.C. does not.

That is too personal to share and if she will, she has a strange feeling that she might jinx everything that she has been asking God. And she cannot risk it. She cannot risk them.

She cannot risk Kallen and Gino's happiness.

She cannot risk the safe delivery of Kallen's baby.

She cannot risk Suzaku and Nunnally's lovely relationship.

And she cannot risk Lelouch's safety.

Each day and each night, once she opens her eyes and before she closes them, she would pray for him to be healthy and strong enough to do his training. She would pray for his legs and feet to be firm and stable so that he wouldn't slip off cliffs or slide over the ice. She would pray for his arms to have a fast reflex to grab onto something if ever he finds himself in critical situations. She would pray for his equipment and gear not to break or malfunction while being used. For his mind and drive to be as sturdy as the oldest tree on earth for she knows how mentally taxing this journey would be.

She would pray for the unity of their team, for them to build an unbreakable bond that is founded in trust and respect so that no one would be left behind, so that no one would feel alone for each one of them is far away from their families and loved ones.

She prays for their camaraderie.

For their loyalty.

For their safety.

And C.C. prays and prays and she would pray until they finally come back home to those who are waiting for them, until Lelouch comes back alive.

"So how's your first week of stay? I heard that you admitted yourself here. Aren't you afraid that it will tarnish your medical record?"

C.C. shakes her head. "I'm more afraid to continuously hurt the people around me especially when they only wanted the best for me."

Cornelia bursts out laughing. "I hate people like you. God, I hate them the most."

Ignoring the mockery of her acquaintance, C.C. reaches for her sleeve to fidget with but all she can grab is the hospital bracelet. Lifting her wrist, she examines the healing scars that were once fresh a month ago.

She closes her fist.

A phantom pain encircles her skin.

She opens it.

The pain does not disappear.

She returns her eyes to the altar and this time, she prays for herself.

* * *

And so she gives her best to conquer her demons.

Unlike before, she religiously drinks her medicine and even regularly consults Dr. Croomy for her progress.

She follows the diet that the hospital recommended for her and never skips a meal.

She participates to every group activity and practices to voice out her thoughts infront of other people.

She strives to be more honest with her feelings and face the consequences of her actions.

In the morning, she spends time with Dr. Croomy and talks to her about her fears and dreams, her regrets and hopes. At first, she almost could not get a word out of her mouth as tears continuously flowed down her cheeks. The exhaustion and burden from the past years had taken its toll on her that only whimpers and sobs came out of her mouth. But as she learns more about herself, as she gets in touch with her deepest emotions, the words eventually come out one by one until she does not know when to stop, until Dr. Croomy encourages her to put her words into writing, until notebooks pile up on her desk.

At night, she listens to classical music to soothe her mind from the activities of the day. She accidentally found out that it could bring her solace one afternoon, a few days after she did the interview, when she was exhausted by the paparazzi and bashers that bombarded her life.

During the afternoon, she would stay in the chapel and do her daily prayer.

Occasionally, Kallen and Gino would visit and together they will reminisce their fun memories and plan for the baby's future.

C.C. would also just sit at the garden where she would just absorb the soft sun rays and listen to the chirping of birds – where she would just stare at the sky and marvel at the beauty and magic of nature.

Her time with herself is one thing that she treasures the most now. The time when she starts to believe and know her own worth – something that her parents and Tamaki robbed from her, something that she solely based on Lelouch's treatment of her. The time when she finally stops thinking about pain and hurting herself, and begins planning of what she would do when she get discharged from the hospital.

She still gets nightmares when she sleeps but Dr. Croomy assures her that those, too, will come to an end. The most important thing is she gets to wake up in the morning and begin another day.

"What are you doing?"

C.C. looks up from her work and finds Cornelia staring down at her. The light from the bulb creates a halo around her purple hair. "I'm knitting a bonnet for the baby."

"Oh, the baby of the pregnant redhead who visits you?"

C.C. nods then gets surprised when the other woman sits beside her.

"A girl or a boy?"

"A girl."

"Does she already have a name?"

"Vivienne."

"Vivienne?"

"It means 'life'."

"Life, huh?"

When Cornelia remains silent beside her, C.C. resumes her knitting. The repetitive movement of her wrist gives her a relaxing and calming atmosphere which she greatly welcomes.

C.C. resumes her knitting and a little hum automatically escapes from her closed mouth.

She resumes knitting with the echo of that word fresh in her lips.

Because that's what she is trying to do now – to live, to finally cherish being alive, to live her life.

To be grateful for being alive.

The scars on her wrist are still visible, some are still raised and red but they are slowly healing.

They are _thankfully and finally_ healing.


	16. chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

It is odd how Lelouch is calm and almost silent after ending his phone call with Suzaku. The 'beep' sound still resonates in his head muting the other noises from the field outside. Muting the shouts of the staff and trainers as they go on about their hard exercises and challenging obstacles. Muting everything that he is supposed to be hearing leaving only a dull white noise that is looping inside his head.

" _She had a relapse three months ago and an attempt last month,"_ the white noise said.

" _The papparazis wouldn't leave her alone and some even stalked her to wherever she went. The haters and obsessed fans were no better. They found the store and shouted harsh words at her that eventually she stopped coming at all," it added._

" _But she is helping herself. She admitted herself in the hospital. I paid her a visit yesterday and Lelouch… I think, this time, it would actually work. If you could just see how she looked."_

If _he_ could just see how she looked.

Lelouch badly wishes for a cigarette that he has never smoked right now. He toys at the piece of paper where Kallen's new phone number is scribbled. He can feel it screaming at him, laughing at him, mocking him. Those numbers that are hurriedly written by unsteady fingers - almost unreadable, overlapping lines ending with a loop.

"Lelouch? I've been looking for you. Why aren't you joining the others?"

He remains facing the window, his breathing stable.

"You have a session with Coach Bismark later. That would be at 8PM... Lelouch, do you hear me?"

Slowly, ever so slowly, his body turns towards his manager. So slow that even he could hear the slightest movement of his joints and the friction of his shoes against the floor.

"Milly," he exhales.

"Lelouch? Is everything okay?" Milly asks carefully.

He wonders how he looks like right now. If his eyes appear to be burning or cold. If his lips are in a tight line or grimace. Or if his jaws are set or not. He takes a step forward then stops.

"Why didn't you tell me about the interview?"

Milly does not miss a beat. "Didn't I tell you that it went fine and the witness had sent you his regards?"

"No, you didn't tell me that C.C. is a man now. I didn't know that she witnessed the incident when she was not even in the bar. I didn't know that she was the one who was interviewed and cleared my name to the public. I didn't know anything when she did all the dirty jobs. Milly... What the hell?"

"H-How did you know?" The woman nervously glances at the phone in his hand. "Did you talk to her?"

Lelouch shakes his head. "Suzaku told me. And even if I want to talk to her, I couldn't do it right now."

Taking a tentative step towards him, Milly asks, "Why? What happened?" Her concern sounds genuine after all she never hated C.C. But he is angry at her right now and C.C.'s admission is not something that he could just tell to anybody.

"Why didn't you tell me that she had regained her memories?"

"I just realized it when she was doing the interview. But," suddenly, the tremble in her voice disappears and is replaced by a firm challenging tone, "Can you blame me? When I know that it will steal your focus from this project? Because look into my eyes and tell me, Lelouch, are you still going to pursue this if you knew that C.C. had her memories back?"

Teeth gritted and jaw set, Lelouch glares at her with all the contained energy that buzzes through his veins. The ringing in his ears is steadily becoming louder until the beginning of a headache invades his head.

"That's right," Milly concludes with a nod when he doesn't answer. "You've been nothing but self-destructive ever since you're in her company again. That's what destroyed your relationship before - the both of you became so selfish to the point that it didn't matter even if you were hurting yourselves as long as you've got to keep each other. And that will destroy you again if I let you stay. You've got to learn to think about the future, too, Lelouch. Let time takes its course in fixing everything."

When he still does not move from his place, Milly braves to walk towards him and looks up at his cold eyes. She plasters her own stubborn gaze on but her voice comes out apologetic. "I'm sorry if I didn't tell you about it. I just thought that it was the right thing to do at that time and I know that it was because look at where you are right now. Think of everything you've accomplished so far... Go to Coach Bismarck first before you do something. I am certain that he can help you."

Even after his manager had left the room, even after the field had been abandoned when the trainings had ended, Lelouch is standing tall and unmoving in his place, a piece of crumpled paper in hand. The sky is slowly bleeding into the night like watercolors of pink, orange, and blue blending into each other until nobody knows where one ends. Until they settle to the color black.

Black, huh?

The absence of light, absorbing every color that dares to touch its surface – a black hole. And Lelouch wonders if there is a black hole growing in his chest right now or… or a green hole. He wants to laugh, that sounds corny even to him.

" _Are you still going to pursue this if you knew that C.C. had her memories back?"_

" _Think of everything you've accomplished so far."_

Everything he has accomplished so far…

Ah, damn it, Milly is right at one thing.

He badly needs to see Coach Bismarck.

* * *

"The question here is, what is your next step now that you have this information?"

"…"

"Are you going to take the first flight back so that you can face and talk to her?"

"…"

"Are you going to stay here but have your mind in a state of unrest and chaos?"

"…"

"At this state, do you think you are capable of finishing the project?"

"Coach, you are like a TV interviewer."

Coach Bismarck, a tall man in his forties, leans back and crosses his arms. "Just throwing out the things that you have to think about, Lelouch. Remember, your mental and emotional health is very vital in what we are doing."

"That's why you're here."

"Yes, that is accurate. Now tell me, how do you feel about what you just discovered?"

Lelouch picks up his warm cup of coffee and takes a sip of the aromatic drink. They are in the patio, away from the boisterous staff that are currently playing board games in the living room. The cold breeze brings a pleasant chill to their skin enough to keep them awake. Cicadas are humming in the background as the moon shines its gentle light on the field.

"I... I feel like I have to do something. I feel like I shouldn't be here sitting in leisure while she's battling her own demons alone." He sighs. "I have to do something."

"Are you angry at Milly for not telling you the truth?"

His nod is stiff. "I am but I can see her point. I am not alone in this endeavor. A lot of people's lives, future and time have been invested in this and I just can't up and go and leave them hanging just for my selfish reasons."

"I see... Let's talk more about C.C. At this moment, who is she to you?"

"C.C. is ..." He gazes up at the night sky and tries to count the stars visible. A plane is just passing by. Entranced, he wonders if he would see more of them when he is finally at the peak of Everest. If he would clearly see constellations or even shooting stars just like that night when he proposed to her. He wonders what it would feel like to be at the height where you could be the closest to these heavenly bodies, so close as if he can reach them with his bare hands. He wonders how it would be to be among them. "C.C. is my Everest."

"In what way?"

The night is beautiful, calm and peaceful. He hopes that she is experiencing the same thing back home.

He shakes his head gently. "I'm sorry but I would like to keep it to myself for now."

Coach Bismarck nods. "Understandable. But that is a good representation Lelouch. My take is, as your Everest, she can be your motivation, your inspiration to go on. You mentioned that she is trying her best to get better? Sounds like a very strong and brave woman to me. And it's your time to be brave, too. No more swimming in your miseries, no more self-blame and wallowing in the past, time to take a step forward without taking two steps back after. You may not be physically there with her, but you can take this journey together."

"How will I do that when all I do is worry?"

"Turn those worries into prayers... or hopes. How ever it fits your beliefs. But it's time to take the path of positivity instead of trudging through the dark forest of negativities everytime you encounter a problem. Change 'I should have's' and 'What if's' to 'I hope's'. This applies not only to this situation, but to other aspects of your life as well. Clear your mind and strengthen your spirit. Think of the good things that await you when you finally survived a certain ordeal because no matter how little and dim the light is at the end of the tunnel, there is and will always be a way out."

"There is a way out..." Lelouch repeats.

"That's right. And _Everest_?" Coach Bismarck points upward as if the mountain is standing right infront of them. "That is your brightest light, kid."

* * *

Kallen is preparing breakfast when her phone rings. The screen flashes an unknown number and she spends a moment of hesitation before answering call. Wiping her wet hands with a towel, she picks it up from the counter.

"Hello?" she answers tentatively.

"Kallen, hello." The sound of his unexpected voice causes her to stiffen for a brief while before she regains control of her body. She sits on the nearest chair, knowing that this is going to be a long call.

"Le-Lelouch?"

"Yes, yes, it's me. How are you? How's the pregnancy?"

"I'm fine and the baby is healthy. I am due in a couple of months."

"That's good to hear. And Gino?"

"Gino is all over the place. He is managing the store at the moment then comes home as the 'Super Husband' at night." She rolls her eyes good-naturedly at the last statement, affection is evident in her voice. "Those are his exact words."

"You've got a real MVP right there."

"Yeah, I do. And how about you? How are you faring there?"

What is she saying? Why is she talking to him so casually instead of barraging him with the important questions? She rubs hers swollen belly to release some stress.

"I'm good. The trainings are hard but I can catch up with them. Suzaku wouldn't believe me when I told him I've done some running." There's a laugh in his voice that makes Kallen smile.

"Well, I cannot believe it, too. We saw your past accomplishments in climbing a couple of mountains. Congratulations, and we are glad that you are safe."

"Thank you, Kallen."

And the awkward silence settles in. She wonders how she will approach the subject that is hanging like a time bomb above them. After all, this is what she and C.C. have been waiting for. A direct word from Lelouch. Hearing from the man himself that he is safe and doing well. But now that she talking to him, she cannot find the right words to open the topic.

"Suzaku told me… About C.C.," Lelouch soberly says.

"I see," she exhales. She gives a silent thanks to the other man.

"I'm sorry for leaving just like that. For not being there when all the chaos happened. I – "

"Lelouch," she halts him, "We know what happened. Milly told us before she left. We are not mad, though perhaps, if you could have just threw us a call sooner to ease our worry."

He sighs. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

Another silence. A stray bee flying around the flower pot catches Kallen's attention. Standing up, she proceeds to her room and makes herself comfortable on the bed.

" _She_ prays for your safety everyday," she murmurs as she stares at the pink bonnet lying on the night stand that C.C. made – imagining how it would look like on Vivienne. "Even until now."

Lelouch does not respond, perhaps could not respond but she could feel his overwhelming emotions over the phone. And this silence, this long silence is his gratitude that is beyond words.

"She's healing, Lelouch. And I strongly believe that she's really gonna make it this time. _She_ is helping herself to get better. _She_ wants to get better. And… _I_ hope that you are having the time to heal there, too, Lelouch. I am rooting for you as your _friend_."

"Thank you. Oh, Thank God."

And she is there with him when his voice cracks. She is there with him until silent sniffs echo in her ears. Her tears fall along with his as finally, she lets go of her resentment and anger and see him as the friend that have helped them so, so much during their younger years again, as the friend who was nothing but loyal, sweet, and caring to them. As the friend who had always been there for them.

She cries because, after a very long time, she is getting her friend back who she misses so much. She feels a movement in her belly and automatically, she lovingly rubs it, assuring Vivienne that everything is fine. Oh God, everything is going to be alright.

"I'm sorry," Lelouch says in between sniffs. "That was embarrassing."

"No," she laughs as she wipes the tears on her cheeks, "It's fine. I'm sorry, too. I'm glad to have you back."

"Me, too, Kallen. When I get back, we must go out."

"Yes, yes, absolutely," she agrees.

"Well then, I will not hold you any longer. Thank you – "

"Wait, don't you want to talk to C.C.? She still has a lot to tell you."

He sighs, but it's a hopeful kind of sigh. "I would love that but I think it would be good to let her focus on herself for now. Take care, Kallen."

"You, too. Always take care over there, Lelouch. Come back to us alive, okay?"

"I will," he exhales. "I will."

* * *

"Why does this fucking thread won't fucking unroll?"

"Language, Cornelia."

"Why does this freaking thread won't freaking unroll?"

"Much better. You won't want Dr. Chawla to give you another set of exercises when she catches you cursing. And, you're twisting your wrist wrongly that's why it won't unroll. Here, I'll show you."

"Yeah, whatever, this is boring me anyway. Oh, is that a glove?"

C.C. glances at where Cornelia is pointing at and nods. "Yup, it will match with the bonnet that I made."

"Huh. You're quite good with your hands."

She shrugs, "Well, I've got to keep them busy. Here you go. Be patient with it, okay? There's no need to rush things."

"You sounded more and more like a therapist as days go by. I don't know why I'm still hanging out with you." Yet, the older woman picks the thread again and resumes her work. Cornelia told C.C. that she is in a mood to knit a pair of socks for the baby - all with her fake annoyance and scowl. C.C. learned earlier that she was admitted for unmanageable anger and drinking problems and has been staying in the facility for a couple of months now. In odd turns of events, the times they spent inside the chapel became longer and longer until they would also talk outside of it, until they would eat meals together and now, knit together. But good grief, Cornelia does not know how to. She has a very short patience in inserting the thread into the needle holes C.C. thought she was going to break the needles.

"I will take that as a compliment, and you hang out with me because deep down your emo black heart, you actually like me," she teases with a smirk.

Cornelia rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I have forgotten that you're Ms. Positivity now."

"You should try it. It makes your skin clearer and smoothens out your wrinkles."

Her companion only scoffs.

Suddenly, a staff approaches C.C. and tells her that she has a visitor. Following him to the Visiting Area, she finds Kallen sitting alone on one of the chairs looking very pregnant and beautiful.

Upon reaching her place, C.C. immediately puts her hand over Kallen's belly and tries to feel Vivienne.

"She's asleep," Kallen says, "Kept me awake the whole night."

Ah, there are bags under her eyes.

Sitting beside her friend, C.C. takes her right hand and starts massaging it.

"It's not that I don't like seeing you, but you just visited yesterday. You should be taking a rest now."

"Actually, I went here to tell you that Lelouch called me this morning."

Her fingers freezes mid-press and her mouth is left slightly open after hearing the unexpected news.

Kallen grabs her hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. A gentle gaze in her eyes. "He's fine. He sounds very much healthy. He asked about the pregnancy and Gino. Talked about his training which includes running. Can you imagine it? Lelouch, the boy who had P.E. as the subject that he had the lowest grade back in high school is now doing some physical stuff?"

"Yes. That is unimaginable."

"He knows about what happened to you. Suzaku filled him in." Kallen's eyes flicker worriedly at her but C.C. could only feel relief.

"How much does he know about the situation?"

"I'm really not sure but I think not everything. He's sorry for leaving without any goodbye and for not being there when all hell broke lose."

A wistful smile graces her lips. "Ah, he's still our old Lelouch."

"He sounds happy."

"That's good. He should be. He deserves it."

"He does."

Their attention is caught by an emotional family reunion three tables away from them. The woman in the hospital gown is vaguely familiar to C.C. She remembers seeing her in the garden a couple of times tending to the flowers.

"Did you tell him everything?"

From the corner of her eyes, she sees Kallen shakes her head. "No. That's for the both of you to talk about... when you're ready. And when you are, I've got his number saved to my phone."

It's her turn to shake her head then she faces her friend. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. But for now, distance is what's best for us."

"I told him to stay safe and to come back alive," Kallen says somberly.

"He better be." She covers her eyes and lets go of her emotions. "Oh God, he better be."

* * *

 _August_

"If someone picks a fight with you here, call me immediately and I'll pay a visit."

"You'll pay a visit and then you won't be out for a while because you failed to hold your anger again."

Cornelia glares at her from where she is packing her bag. "Hey, I've changed now. I won't be starting a fight, but maybe some threats and warnings will do."

C.C. laughs as she smoothens her friend's shirt before handing it to her. "I'm in a hospital not in prison... Well that's all, right? You're all ready to go."

Standing up, both of them pick up Cornelia's bags and head to the lobby. There, a big old man immediately rises from his seat as soon as he sees them.

"You're father?" C.C. asks.

"Yup. That's my pops right there. Hey, old man!"

"Don't call me 'old man' brat, I can still tower over you," he says as he approaches them. But all his toughness turns into affection as his arms wrap around her daughter and he squeezes her so tightly that Cornelia asks C.C. for help. His father pats her back a couple of times before finally letting go.

"Were they able to tame you, brat?"

"They can never tame me. But I know how to save my energy from useless arguments now."

"Good. Good. And this pretty miss with us? Who might she be?" His father's eyes are a gentle kind of blue - one that is the color of clear skies and brighter days.

"Her name's C.C. She's the only person who I can tolerate here."

"Sounds like an exceptional lady. I'm Cornelia's father. The name's Charlie. Nice to meet you, dear." C.C. accepts his offered hand and she immediately finds a strange sense of fatherly comfort in his callous skin.

"Nice to meet you, sir."

"Well then, we better go. Her nieces are so excited to have their Aunt Cornelia back."

"And I'm hungry. I'd like to have some real tasty food in my stomach."

Completely unexpected, Cornelia encloses C.C. in a tight hug that surprises the latter. She gives her a couple of pats on her back and whispers, "Call me as soon as you got released. Then we can meet for a coffee in the future. Okay?"

"Okay. Take care, Cornelia."

"Find happiness, C.C."

After they have left and gone, C.C. proceeds to the chapel where, for the first time, she will stay alone.

Settling on the third row, she kneels and puts her hand together, her head lowered and eyes closed. Somehow, she can still feel Cornelia's intense yet cold presence in the area as if she had left some of her molecules in the air. C.C. still expects a statement of fake annoyance to come from beside her. She could almost hear her velvety voice, feel Cornelia's permanent pointed gaze. But of course, when she opens her eyes, there is only her in the chapel.

She looks up at the colorful stained glass infront of her and adds another name in her long list of prayers.

* * *

 _September_

He looks up at the colorful stained glass-like sky and stares in awe at the magnificent dance these flashing lights do above him. Colors of green, red, orange, and yellow create an enchanting curtain that leaves his mouth hanging open. This… This is the real thing. Lelouch is not looking at it through the TV screens or magazines anymore. The Aurora Borealis is right above him and it is spectacular. He can feel his heart racing in his chest as his breath produces fog in the air. Beautiful, magical, breathtaking. His eyes are greedy to take in every second of this moment, to inhale every oxygen of this peak, to memorize each color that graces the sky. He just stands there, completely in awe of his surroundings.

"Pretty isn't it?"

When he glances to his right, he finds Coach Bismarck gazing up beside him. His eyes reflect the colors above.

"This might be my favorite climb so far," replies Lelouch.

"I am there with you. We are lucky that we got the chance to see it. It is not every time that an Aurora occurs despite this is a known spot to watch it."

The stars look like glitters sprinkled on a rainbow canvass and if only he has a talent in painting, he is certain that he would be running down back to the camp just to paint this scenery. His fingers are even itching for the talent that he doesn't have.

" _I would love to see it in person one day. It must be incredible to witness it with your own eyes. Just imagine those colors floating above you."_

" _We can go after graduation and when I earn enough from my acting gigs. I think the best place to watch it is in Iceland."_

" _Really? Is that okay? Shouldn't you be saving your money?"_

" _It's fine. I have already saved some plus I'm curious, too, if these shows do justice to its beauty."_

" _I have some money saved, too from my part-time work. We can put them together."_

 _Lelouch smiled down at C.C. and playfully entertained a scene of him proposing to her under those flashing lights. He liked that. He wanted that._

Retrieving his phone from his pocket, he takes photos of the aurora. He also politely asks the coach to take a picture of him with the dancing lights. Later, when the signal returns, he will send them to the people back home.

* * *

"Well, you just need to sign here and then you're free to go." Dr. Croomy scrunches her nose which C.C finds amusing. "That made you sound like a prisoner, sorry. But you know what I mean."

C.C. laughs it off and signs the paper. After doing so, she hands it back to her doctor.

"No one's fetching you?" Dr. Croomy asks as they walk down the corridor. Some of the patients C.C. know wave at her. Smoothing down her summer dress, she basks in the comfort that normal clothes bring. It's been a while since she wears one and it is somewhat rejuvenating.

"I didn't tell anyone that I'll be released today. I want to surprise them."

They stop at the lobby where the doctor hands her some of her things. C.C. thanks her for the help for this bag of notebooks are truly heavy.

"Off you go then, Cecilia. I am pretty certain that you can conquer the world now."

"I will do that," she smiles.

"But whenever you need me, I'm just one call away, okay?"

"Yes, thank you very much, doctor. I greatly appreciate your help."

The doctor shakes her head. "I just did the small part of the job. You, C.C., are the one who faced and won your battles and I am so proud of you."

When her feet take their first step outside of the hospital, when her chest takes in its first inhale of the air outside, when her eyes lay not on the white walls, but on the tall ones of the buildings, an overwhelming sense of freedom and joy fill her heart. A strong gust of wind blows her way, causing her long hair to fly away, and the scent, oh God the smell of smoke from the vehicles – so polluted and foul – invades her nose and she finds herself bent, her arms wrapped around her stomach and she is laughing and crying at the same time she must have looked crazy to the people passing by.

"Miss are you okay?" an old man with a long white beard quickly reminding her of Santa Claus asks her.

Wiping the corners of her eyes, C.C. beams at him. "I'm fine. I'm having the best day of my life."

The man looks at her strangely then glances at the hospital behind then. "If you say so."

"I know so."

She hails a taxi and directs the driver to take her to the nearest salon. There, she asks the stylist to cut her hair to the length above her shoulders and curl the ends. The stylist asks her three time if she is certain about her decision because according to him, it is such a pity to cut a hair as long and silky as hers. C.C. says she wants it an inch above her shoulders.

Afterwards, she goes to a restaurant where she orders all the foods that she wanted to eat and does not hold back in eating every bite and slice that enters her mouth. She savors the rich flavor of the meat and sauce and almost moan due to the deliciousness of the food.

Some customers throw a curious glance at her, perhaps they vaguely recognize her as the lady in the TV months before, but most of them leave her alone and ignore her presence. She sighs in relief.

Just when she is full and satisfied that she gets her belongings and hails another taxi to take her to her apartment. The landlord is very much surprised to see her back that he just waves at her when she greets him. Carefully, she walks down the corridor and silently opens her door so as not to spoil the surprise. She just puts her bags on the floor and leaves them there before going back to the corridor and trudges the short distance to Kallen's apartment.

She knocks thrice and waits.

No one answers.

She knocks again.

Still no one opens the door.

Perhaps, they have a scheduled check-up with the doctor?

She would just go back again later.

She is deflated. The surprise does not work.

C.C. has already turned her back when she hears the door opening behind her.

Her foot is all ready to take a step away when she hears the shocked voice behind her.

"C….C.C.?"

Slowly, she turns around and gives Kallen her best and brightest smile. The expression on her friend's face is priceless that she wishes she could take a photo of it. Taking a step forward, she stops near enough to squeeze Kallen's hand. Her belly is so so round, C.C. is easily fascinated by it.

Her clear amber eyes gazes at the wide-opened blue ones and she says, "Yes, I am back."


	17. chapter 17

**So here are the last four chapters of 'Please Come Back'. Please read the author's note after the last chapter. Thank you.**

* * *

 **Chapter 17**

In the end, they didn't have to hire a new staff to man the pet shop.

C.C. accounts the supplies in the backroom after receiving a huge amount of order for fish food for a popular hotel in the city. There are fifty large aquariums in total, the hotel employee had said. Gently tapping the pen against her cheek, she contemplates on how much more supply they need in order to meet the demand. This is the first time that they are having an order as large as this and most of their supplies are only good for household use.

Kneeling, she checks on the brand and specifications written on the sack. Kallen and she had been purchasing from this company ever since they started the shop. Its quality was already tested and trusted but still, she cannot go wrong with this customer. If ever this transaction will be successful, they could gain an important patron which is very good for business.

Satisfied, she stands up and dusts off her bare knees. They need fifteen more packs to complete the order and hopefully, everything goes well.

Returning to the counter, she sits behind the fortune cat figurine and waits for a customer to arrive. Resting her chin on her palm, she thinks of how she had missed this – the simple yet fulfilling task of providing others what they need. Of being in the place that has always been her safe haven – where everything is familiar, where she knows each of its corner and wall. It had been quite unenjoyable and chaotic for a few weeks in the past, but now, months later, everything had calmed down, the issue was long forgotten and the media and the public had moved on to hotter topics in the entertainment industry. Now, C.C. can man the pet shop as normal as she can without the fear of being shouted at or worst, of being thrown at with rotten eggs.

"You're daydreaming again."

C.C. glances at her right and finds the older woman settle beside her, a warm coffee in hand.

"There's no line in the café?" she asks. Hmmm. The coffee smells nice.

"Yup. One of those good days, I think, where everything is in your favor. You sure you wouldn't want one? I can still go back and buy you."

At this, C.C. cannot help but raise a teasing eyebrow. "Hmmm. What is this? The coldhearted Cornelia is being so kind to me in such an early morning? Really, one of those good days," she chuckles.

Cornelia gives her a scowl. "And my kindness is a limited offer and it had just expired now. Try to claim it again next time."

Days after she was released, she and Cornelia had reconnected. Their meet up in the coffee shop became a weekly routine until the older woman was formally introduced to Kallen and her baby bump (Cornelia was truly excited during that introduction but she tried her hardest to hide it), and until Cornelia offered to help in the shop as Kallen approaches her due date.

It is one of those unexpected and spontaneous friendship that she never thought she needed, C.C. always thinks whenever her mind takes on its sentimental trail. Cornelia is an outsider, someone who does not know her past, what she had been through (except for what had been disclosed in her time of admission in the hospital), and someone who does not look at her as if she is waiting for her to break and shatter. Add to that Cornelia's unfiltered tongue that would spit out whatever she is thinking of and feeling that C.C. finds strangely therapeutic. Almost everyone in her life had always been gentle to her, had always been walking around her on tiptoes and she will be forever grateful for their concern and love, but sometimes, she also needs someone to kick her butt and throw a pale of cold water on her so that she could stand more firmly on her feet.

"Have you submitted your drafts?"

C.C. shakes her head. "Not yet. I feel that there's still something missing. I am not satisfied yet."

Throwing her hands in the air, Cornelia lets out a helpless sigh. "You've been saying that for a month now. Of course it would lack something, that's why you need to submit it to the editor so that she can help you find what it needs." Cornelia literally growls. "You won't get anywhere if you stay stagnant and just wait for the divine intervention to reveal the answer. What a procrastinating brat."

"Thank you for the kind motivation. I might pass it later this afternoon after I talk to our supplier."

But she never got to pass it later that afternoon, nor talk to their supplier for the additional packs.

For during lunchtime, she received a call from Gino telling her that Kallen is in labor.

* * *

"Okay, on a count of three, you will push. One, two, three! Push!"

Kallen lets out a long agonizing whimper as her hand squeezes C.C.'s so tightly and hard that the green-haired lady is certain that her bones would break any time. She glances at the other side of the bed and finds Gino with sweat all over his forehead, his fingers purple in between his wife's hand.

Kallen pants and glares at Gino. "Goddamn you bastard, this is so painful!"

"And I love you, too," Gino replies distractedly as he listens to the doctor's calls.

"Kallen, breathe, you're almost there," she coos as she smoothens her red hair.

"C.C., I'm never going to have sex again."

"Sure. Now push, as the doctor says."

Wails and cursing continue to echo for more moments with Gino mostly at their receiving end while C.C. whispers calming words to her friend. She tells her of Vivienne's chubby pink cheeks, of her little stubby fingers, of her cute giggles, and those sounds that only babies do which they will experience when she comes out. She tells Kallen of how they will dress Vivienne for Halloween and the theme for her first birthday party.

The head has come out!

"I can see her, Kallen! Okay, just one more long push. You can do this. I believe in you."

And after a final loud wail from the mother, there is silence.

Then, a baby cries.

C.C. stares in awe as the doctor cuts the umbilical cord that connects the daughter to the mother, she watches in complete trance as they clean her of blood and fluids methodologically. C.C. stands there, speechless as tears start brimming in her eyes while they put Vivienne on Kallen's chest. She steps back and gives the family their precious moment together – the very first moment of being a family of three. A white light envelopes them like a blanket of happiness and comfort. It glows like the brightest star in the night guiding every lost soul who had dared to cross lands and waters. She can see it, can feel the warmth it emits and she feels her heart bursting.

In the midst of the emotional scenario, Kallen tilts her head and finds her. She stretches her arm out and calls her name gently, gratefully.

"She's beautiful," C.C. utters, her eyes glued on the tiny human being before her. Placing her hand, on her friend's shoulder, she gives it a happy squeeze.

"She is, she is."

"Vivienne," she whispers reverently.

Vivienne moves her head in that way babies move almost jerkily. Her eyes are still closed but her arm is restless, fingers opening and closing.

"Vivienne," C.C. repeats, this time much louder. And they all watch as her tiny fingers find her thumb, wrap them around it, and hold it for a moment.

And in that short moment where her callous skin is against the soft and untainted one of Vivienne, of watching her take her first breaths in the world through her small mouth, C.C. fully and wholeheartedly appreciated the true beauty of being alive.

* * *

Lelouch receives the image while he is in the middle of eating his salad in Alaska.

The sweet picture of Kallen, Gino and Vivienne is enough for him to stare at it for a good five minutes before he calls to personally congratulate them.

He immediately speaks as soon as she picks up.

"Kallen, congratulations! I am so happy for your family."

Kallen does not respond at once, instead there is a strange noise of stumbling on the other end.

Confused, Lelouch asks, "Kallen, are you okay?"

"Y-Yes, yes, I'm fine and thank you." Her voice has a tinge of surprise and worry.

"I saw the picture that you sent me. Vivienne looks like an angel."

A laugh. "Well, I firmly believe that she got her looks from me."

From the background, a faint "Hey, she looks like me" which sounds very much like Gino echoes.

Lelouch cannot help but laugh. "I wish I can see her in person."

"Oh… Well, if you're free, I am sending you a very advance invitation for her christening next year. That is, if your schedule would allow you."

"Just tell me the exact date and place and I will make a way to fly back over there."

He hears a smile in her voice. "That would be nice. I'll keep in touch then."

"You do that. And don't hesitate to send me more of her cute pictures. I need some fluffiness in here. My mind is already filled with mountains and cliffs."

Kallen delivers.

She constantly sends him pictures of Vivienne almost everyday that Lelouch feels like he is actually there watching her grow. From pictures of her sleeping, to smiling, to eating her first solid meal, to her first crawl. It becomes the highlight of his day whenever his phone would beep signaling a new message.

But there is one photo that he would always come back to after a very long day. That always puts him at ease.

It is a stolen one of C.C. carrying Vivienne in her arms.

Her back was on the photographer as Vivienne's head laid on her shoulder, but her face was turned to the side giving Lelouch a glimpse of her side profile. Her eyes were soft and warm as they stared down on the bundle of life that rested on her skin. A small smile on her lips.

Lelouch would stare at it as he lays on bed at night until sleep finally comes. And it would be the first image that he would see in the morning as soon as he unlocked his phone.

She looks so serene. So content.

She looks happy.

She _is_ happy.

The shorter hair fits her perfectly and there's an enchanting glow that surrounds her. Almost inviting, almost hypnotic. Very much like a light at the end of the tunnel.

And everytime he studies her features, he cannot help but wish for Everest to come sooner.

* * *

"C.C. it's not that I am throwing you out, but don't you have, like, your own apartment to tend to? Or a manuscript to edit?"

The woman in question looks up at Kallen from where she is lying down with a sleeping Vivienne. Putting her finger on her lips, she shushes her. "Lower your voice, you might wake her up. It took me a while to get her to sleep."

Glaring at her friend, Kallen puts her hands on her hips. "I really appreciate you taking care of my daughter, but you're practically living in our bedroom now. How about your apartment? Your deadlines? The pet shop? Cornelia is being grumpy this morning, complaining how you are always gone, or if you are ever present, how you always talk about my child."

"I think I found my real calling, Kallen," she says, ignoring the words of her friend. "It is to become a babysitter, a nanny of babies. This is my real mission in this world."

"Oh stop, with those crazy lines. Get up and be a responsible human being in this world. Come on, up, up, up!" She nudges the back of C.C.'s knees but the latter remains unmoving.

Good Lord, it seems like Kallen is taking care of two babies.

The larger one glares at her. "How can you, Kallen? How can you resist her chubby pink cheeks, the sound of her gurgles, those short cute fingers? How can you be so coldhearted?"

"Oh, for goodness sake, you are practically stealing my alone time with her. So yes, at this very moment, I am throwing you out. Regardless that you are my best friend."

Finally, C.C. gets up in her slow, teasing manner until she is face-to-face with Kallen. "I see someone is getting jealous," she says with a smirk.

Kallen scoffs. "Who? Me? That is my own child, why would I be jealous? If there is someone in this room that I think is jealous, it would be you. I wouldn't put it past you to kidnap Vivienne when no one's looking."

C.C. beams. "That is such a good idea. I might try it one of these days."

"Yeah, right. Now off you go."

C.C. turns away and waves at the sleeping baby. "I'll see you later, sweetheart."

Following her friend, Kallen leans against the doorway as she watches C.C. finally returns to her own apartment. She is not kidding when she said that the woman is practically living with them now. C.C. had developed this very strong attachment to Vivienne that sometimes overwhelms Kallen. But in a good way. Because during those times that her friend spent with her daughter, she saw someone who is so, so energetic and hopeful.

Perhaps, it's the way Vivienne always responds to the sound of her voice, or the way her little fingers cling to her larger ones. Or perhaps, it is the name that engraved itself to C.C.

'Vivienne' – life

It is not accidental that she named her baby 'Vivienne' which carries such meaning. Kallen had wanted to make C.C. see the gift of life, that despite every negative thing that happened to her, she still matters. And that there are people who will always be grateful to have her.

And perhaps, the magic did took effect.

* * *

 _Seven months later_

Pink balloons and flowers filled the open-air venue giving the greenery of the garden a soft, gentle touch to fit the event.

Only the family's closest relatives and friends are invited, with the family side composed mostly of Gino's relatives. Suzaku and Nunnally are present. Cornelia and her father also attended. A handful of their loyal customers also came led by Anya.

The ceremony has just ended and Vivienne is a glowing pink flower in her baby pink dress that C.C. herself made.

Everyone fusses over her, wanting a chubby pinch of her cheeks and arms.

"At this rate, she will be a swollen baby," C.C. mumbles.

Kallen, who is drinking a juice beside her, chuckles. "As if you didn't do it to her everytime you get the chance."

C.C. pouts. "It's different. I know the right amount of pressure to apply that won't hurt her. Plus, she trusts me. We have a deep, unbreakable bond."

"Okay, okay… So… You haven't seen _him_?"

She shakes her head. "Not yet. Perhaps, _he_ couldn't make it after all."

"He texted that he was on his way a while ago. Maybe he got stuck in the traffic."

Suddenly, a loud wail disrupts the whole place and they find Vivienne struggling out of her father's arms, all red and snotty.

Gino tries to calm her down but his efforts are of no effect. Kallen is about to stand up when C.C. grabs her wrist and stops her. "Let me. You've been on your feet the whole day. Take this time to rest, or chat with Gino's family."

"Okay, thank you."

Vivienne immediately comes to her arms as soon as her blue eyes caught sight of her. Excusing them, C.C. takes her to the less crowded part of the garden and starts talking to her in whispers. She explains to her the process of photosynthesis in baby terms when Vivienne looks at the plants curiously. C.C. then names the flowers that are scattered in the garden. Thankfully these are flowers which names are common and abundant.

She stands there, baby in arms, as she begins humming the tune that always puts Vivienne to sleep. She stands there, cradling her life anchor, hoping that she could appease her temper.

And C.C. is standing there, in the middle of the empty part of the garden, already in the world where only she and Vivienne exist - the baby's eyes already starting to fall – when a voice intrudes and enters without any permission.

A stranger who came, left, and surprisingly returned.

"I guess, I am in the right place. I'm sorry for being late."


	18. chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Thank God for her strong presence of mind, and for her strong arms, and for her now stronger resolved or else… or else Vivienne is already on the ground crying her heart out because C.C. had lost her hold on her.

She stands there in the middle of the garden finally face-to-face with him after almost a year without any communication.

"Lelouch…"

He gives her a boyish shrug, almost shy. "Hi, C.C."

The distance between them, she estimated it to be around fifteen feet, feels like a distance that should never be crossed. Her feet are glued to the ground, her knees suddenly stiff. She silently studies his appearance – a dark blue long-sleeved polo over a black shirt paired with black jeans. His hair is tied in a man bun which gives him a more mature appeal. And his eyes, his amethyst eyes are as clear as crystals.

"There was an accident in the street that's why I got caught up in a traffic jam."

She nods. "That's okay."

Lelouch tilts his head and looks at her curiously reminding her of how Vivienne looked at the plants earlier. "Is that Vivienne?"

She nods again. "Yes, this is Vivienne."

An awkward silence.

Lelouch clears his throat and puts his hands inside his jean pockets. "Well, I guess I'll go say 'Hi' to Kallen and the others. I'll see you around, C.C."

She can only nod.

It is not until he left that her knees gave out. She sits dazed on the grass with a sleeping baby in her arms.

He's back. Flesh and blood, he is back.

Her heart wildly races inside her chest as she feels her palms get cold and sweaty. No, she cannot have a panic attack right now. Not with Vivienne still in her arms. Not in the middle of a celebration. But her legs won't move when she tries to stand up. Her voice is suddenly gone when she tries to call Kallen.

Vivienne starts moving, sensing that her companion is clearly upset. Then her cries return, so loud and ear piercing until Kallen is suddenly kneeling infront of C.C., taking her wailing daughter from her friend's arms and Nunnally is assisting C.C. to rise until they are inside the villa and she is sitting in the living room.

A glass of cold water appears infront of her.

"C.C., breathe."

She takes the glass from Nunnally's hand and takes a sip of the cold liquid.

"I'm sorry for worrying you. I just…"

"I understand."

A sudden burst of laughter catches their attention and from the window, they see Lelouch, Suzaku and Gino laughing together.

"He doesn't know what happened. Kallen and I quickly went to find you as soon as he mentioned that he saw you first."

"It's just so overwhelming. After all these months…"

"I know."

Tearing her eyes off the scene outside, C.C. gives Nunnally a grateful smile. "I can handle it from here. You should go back to them."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I am already feeling fine, and please tell Kallen not to worry anymore."

Nunnally rises, glances outside then looks back at her. "You cannot hide here forever. Some time today, you'd have to face him."

She, too, looks outside and watches as Kallen hands Vivienne to Lelouch. The way he fusses over the baby makes her smile. "I am not hiding, Nunnally. I am done with hiding and lying."

* * *

So she plasters on her brightest smile and gets out of the villa a few minutes after Nunnally has gone. She talks to her friends including to Lelouch normally, asking the normal questions, how had he been? How was the training? Congratulations for successfully completing his climbs. Were their equipment thoroughly checked before going on their journey? How was the process of climbing? What had been the hardest one? And what was his favorite?

She is genuinely curious about all these. They carry a conversation so casual throughout the whole afternoon until the guests start to leave.

By sunset, when it is time for Lelouch to go, C.C. follows him to the parking lot and asks, "If you are free tonight, can we meet again?"

The man stares at her for a while, his purple eyes pinning hers. Heart in her throat, C.C. waits patiently and nervously for his answer. "I don't have any schedule for tonight." He looks beyond her with a contemplative expression. "Actually, would you like to go now?"

"Now?"

Lelouch nods. "We can go somewhere. I'll drive wherever you wanted to go."

"Okay. I'll just say good bye to Kallen."

They end up driving to the sea which is a good one hour drive from the rented villa. There, they stand by the shore watching the gorgeous sun finally retreats as the sky kisses its goodbye in the form of a golden canvass.

C.C. crosses her arms infront of her, the sea breeze is unexpectedly cool in the midst of the warm weather. A dark polo is draped on her shoulders and she looks up to find Lelouch staring at her.

"Short hair looks good on you."

She blushes, "Thank you. It was a spur of the moment decision."

The sound of the gentle waves fills the silence between them.

"I haven't thanked you for what you did. I am sorry that you have to do all those things just to clear my name."

"I just did what I had to do."

"Still, it is unfair of me to just leave you in the middle of – "

"Lelouch, I lied to you," she interrupts.

He sighs. "I know."

"I lied to you, pretended to not remember you because I wanted to hurt you."

A tick on his jaw. C.C. stares at his side profile and takes note of how his features became more defined and sharper. His boyish look is almost gone replaced by something much firmer and resilient. Yet still, his eyes… His eyes are still the same.

"Did you really lose your memories?" he whispers without glancing at her.

She nods. "Yes, but I regained it after we went to the exhibit."

"So everything you said since then, that night when we watched a movie, everything was said intentionally in my presence."

She nods again.

"And Schneizel?"

"Was not my real boyfriend. I put him up to pretend because I wanted to hurt you more."

He lets out a mirthless laugh. "And you succeeded." He shakes his head. "Goddamn, you succeeded."

"I wanted to get even with you. For making you feel how I felt when you left me for another woman."

"Okay."

"I wanted you to suffer for breaking all your promises. For regretting your decision of leaving me. To show you that I didn't need you to be happy. That someone could make me much happier than you could."

"Okay."

She clenches her fists, controlling them so hard from grabbing his shirt so that he would face her. "I wanted to cause you pain. For you to relive all the memories that you thought were completely forgotten alone. Because you left me alone. When I needed you the most, when you promised not to, you left me alone."

Lelouch closes his eyes. "I know." When he opens them, they find hers and a chill runs down her spine. "I know, C.C. But can you blame me? I couldn't breathe anymore. I tried my hardest to be there for you, to understand you and your actions but you kept on pushing me away. You wouldn't want my help, you only thought of yourself. You even threatened me not to leave you that night and I didn't, right? I still did what you wanted even though it barely kept me alive!" His chest heaves as he spits out the words that he had longed to tell her. "I knew that you didn't mean to say those words, I tried to convince myself that it was your illness that was talking and not you because you would never tell me those things, but to hear every day and every night that I was not enough? To hear that I didn't deserve anything that I've accomplished just because I failed to call you for a day? To end a tiring day of filming only to come home and see my awards broken? You always doubting my love for you? C.C. that broke something in me, too. You broke me, too."

"But you promised!"

"And promises are meant to be broken!"

Bending down, she grabs a handful of sand and throws it at him. Childish as it is, but she is beyond frustrated and angry. "You are a terrible person! The most terrible person on earth." Then she hits his arms with her fists. "A coward, a cheater, a liar! I hate you, I hate you!"

Lelouch gets a hold of her fists and grasps them firmly between their bodies. "And you are the most selfish, insufferable woman I've ever met. Self-centered, vengeful, blinded by hatred… And you are the bigger liar here, C.C."

Eyes blurry, lips trembling, she looks up at him. "You left me."

"And I regret it everyday."

All the fight suddenly leaves her body. Her hands fall to her sides as she tries to catch her breath. Lowering her head, tears fall to the sand creating dark blots of wetness on the surface. She doesn't realize that she is crying. She watches as each droplet hits the ground and is surprised when a separate set falls with them.

"Lelouch…"

"C.C…"

"I am the hardest person to love but you still did, with all your heart, and for that I am grateful."

"…"

She looks up.

"For everything that you've done, Lelouch… For your mere existence in my life, I am forever grateful. If there is one thing that I am indebted to my parents, that would be transferring me to your school ten years ago and letting me meet the most wonderful boy in the world." She reaches up and wipes the stray tears on his cheek with her thumb. "And I am sorry for being the most selfish, self-centered, vengeful and hateful person in your life," she whispers. "I am so sorry for treating you like that, for making you feel that you are worthless, for destroying your dreams when I knew fully well how important they are for you. I am sorry for manipulating you, for putting all the blame on you when most of it was my fault. And I am truly, deeply sorry for not giving you the love that you deserved. I do not deserve you, Lelouch."

"C.C…"

He lifts his hand to hold hers but she immediately pulls her hand away and takes a couple of steps back. Putting her trembling hands behind her, she gives him a wobbly smile. "I have already forgiven you… I…" She shakes her head sadly. "I just needed to get that out of my chest and be completely honest with you. Because of all people, you deserve to know the truth the most. But now… You are free to not associate yourself with me. You don't owe me anything. Live freely, live happily, Lelouch. I wish you happiness."

"Then let me be honest with you, too, Cecilia."

She waits.

"All this time, I had settled myself into self-loathing. Thinking that everything that had happened after our breakup was my fault. All this time, I told myself that I deserved this fate because I was the one who brought it upon us. I was so dead straight to blaming myself that I failed to realize that pain is something inevitable but suffering can be a choice. And I chose to wallow in all of the negativities and never gave a possibility of forgiveness a chance. Because I couldn't forgive myself. Because I believed that you shouldn't forgive me. But now..." Only when he stares off at the sea that C.C. realizes night has already fallen upon them. Gone is the gorgeous sunset painting the sky. Instead a full moon reflects the glimmer of the water giving off a mesmerizing sight. "After hearing your thoughts, I realized that there are still a lot of things that I didn't know about you. I didn't know that you were capable of doing that kind of action just to get even. That you were able to intentionally inflict pain to someone. And I hate that. I don't like that part of you, Cecilia."

"I am no saint, Lelouch."

"Yet still..." He returns his torn and lost gaze to her. "Yet still, I am not mad. I want to get mad but I couldn't. Is there something wrong with me?"

"Oh... Oh."

And that's when it completely hits her. The enormity of what she had done. The damage she had caused to his emotional health due to her immature bitterness. Not just after the breakup, but even during those dark days in their relationship. Fresh tears begin flowing down her cheeks as she falls to her knees. As she repeatedly asks for his forgiveness. Sorry, sorry, she is so so sorry for hurting him that much. For abusing his kindness and trust. For abusing his love.

She's sorry, so goddamn sorry for everything.

"I am sorry, too." His voice is gentle and near. C.C. looks up and finds him kneeling infront of her, a sad smile on his face. "I haven't properly apologized for what I did to you. It is the greatest mistake that I ever had. That one thing that would be forever etched at the back of my head. I... I almost lost you."

"But you didn't! You arrived at the right time. You saved my life back then, Lelouch. Too many times. So stop. Please, just stop being hard on yourself," she sobs.

"I am learning to. And I promise you, after we finish the project, I will find my own happiness. And I promise not to break that promise. So, will you stop crying? Your eyes are so swollen."

But that only makes her cry harder. It's strange how she is crying more right now than when they first broke up. Perhaps, because this feels more like a certain goodbye.

Perhaps, because this feels like a more permanent goodbye.

And she still loves him.

Oh, God she does and she will for a very long time.

"Thank you, Cecilia for being the person that you are. And if I'll be given the chance to reset my life, I will always want to meet you in any given circumstance, in all the lifetime out there."

They stay at the beach for a couple of hours. Just them lying on the sand side by side, gazing up at the stars, fingers almost touching but no one daring to cross the invisible border.

"They are more magical when I am on a peak of a mountain. Like I can easily reach them when I stretch my arm long enough. Like I can gather them in my hands and find diamonds on my palms."

And when they are parked outside C.C.'s apartment complex, enclosed by the walls of Lelouch's car, they bid their goodbye.

When is his flight, C.C. had asked.

Tomorrow afternoon, Lelouch had answered. He just really tried to squeeze in this event into his schedule after all.

C.C. understands. She believes that he can conquer Everest. Be safe. Take care.

He will. And after Everest, he will certainly return.

* * *

An avalanche on the Khumbu Icefall happens three months after, the exact time when Lelouch and his team had already started trekking the Mt. Everest, burying at least three people alive. The news is all over the TV networks with no one knowing the fate of the actor. Upon watching it for the first time, C.C. and Kallen immediately go to his agency and check on the updates from the remaining staffs.

"We still cannot establish a connection with Milly nor with Lelouch. The last call that we received from them was three days ago and they mentioned that they were about to trek Khumbu Icefall," Rivalz worriedly explains.

And their phones are useless. The team has been using a specialized type of communication device and radios in order to make a call to the country.

C.C. vigilantly stays in the office for three straight days, watching the news, waiting for an update. She takes it to herself to prepare coffees and snacks for the staffs. Offers to stay up and takes over a monitoring shift to let an intern sleep even for a few hours.

By the time that they finally receive the call, C.C. has memorized her way through a talent agency environment.

She sits in one of the cubicles and nervously listens at the conversation.

"Milly!" Rivalz gasps. "How are you? Are you alright?"

Watching his anxious face transforms to a relieved one, C.C. feels the pressure in her chest eases out as the words "safe", "We're fine", "It's not our team" resound from the speaker.

"Thank God. We were so worried when we couldn't contact you."

"Yeah. The signal up here is quite difficult and the weather has been harsh. But we're alright. We're ascending according to schedule."

"I see. We'll release a statement to the media then. They've been bugging us about the whole situation."

"Okay. Thank you, Rivalz."

Rivalz glances up at C.C. silently asking her if she wants to speak but she shakes her head.

"You're welcome. Stay safe up there and send our regards to Lelouch."

"I will."

As soon as the call ends, C.C. lets go of the breath that she has been holding for three days.

Rivalz bestows her a tired but triumphant smile and she cannot help but to smile back.

They're safe.

They're alive.

Thank you. Thank you.

The exhaustion and sleepless nights finally catches up on her and she feels like she climbs the Everest herself.

* * *

"It could have been us," Lelouch muses as a camera films him from his side angle.

Eyes blank, he stares off at the vast cruel whiteness of cold that just showed how powerful and inescapable it could be.

"It could have been us," he mumbles again, not really caring if he is being filmed or not.

He is in a state of shock. How, if they were thirty minutes late in leaving the camp, it would have been them underneath those large blocks of ice.

The sherpa beside him - the subject of their project - speaks in Nepali with a solemn and respectful tone.

"He said that it is the spirit of the mountain. The mountain goddess herself. Those mountaineers must have done something that offended the goddess which made her angry," the interpreter says.

The sherpa continues to speak, a gloomy expression etched on his face. Brows furrowed, he talks to Lelouch as if they are speaking the same language. And he feels like they are. Within the month that they knew each other, Lelouch has admired Sherpa Parakram's resilience and conviction in preserving the sacredness of the mountain. How their culture plays a vital role in climbing up the mountain which has been an activity that is slowly being commercialized.

Sherpa Parakram is brave. He is a hardworker. No matter how many friends and fellow sherpas the mountain had stolen away from him, he still wakes up in the morning, courageously leaves his family and hometown in order to pay respect to the mountain that has become a part of him.

His words always pull something inside Lelouch, always opens something inside his chest. Despite the language barrier that separates them, Lelouch truly feels Parakram's love and devotion to Everest and it amazes him.

For Parakram to continue to love something that takes him away from his family and took his friends away from him.

For Parakram to stay devoted and loyal to a goddess he had never seen nor encountered.

"Respect to nature is an important part of their culture, that's why they set up those rules. But foreigners often take them so lightly. Why can't they understand that nature is much more powerful than us? It does not take too much energy to respect someone or a place. It will not take a part of their soul to honor their tradition. That's why the issue of completely closing the mountain has been on discussion for a while now. And if that happens, they would indeed save the sacredness of the goddess, but they would lose foods on their tables."

Lelouch could only listen to Parakram's upset voice. As much as he wants to put his two cents, he does not possess the experience and wisdom that could match the sherpa's musings. So very attentively and respectfully, Lelouch listens as they sit on a large rock which gives a clear view of the Khumba Icefall.

"Let us be thankful that her wrath was not directed to us," the interpreter says. "But let this be a warning that this wouldn't be an easy climb. So he is asking you, Lelouch... Are you well-prepared for the hardship and danger Everest will bring you?"


	19. chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

And the days turn to weeks until they turn into months.

And C.C. challenges herself on trying new things that are out of her comfort zone like going to a bar with Cornelia and Kallen, singing infront of strangers after taking a dare from Nunnally, and organizing a special social event for the patrons of their shop.

And Lelouch and his team ascend from one camp to another, slowly but securely, overcoming the harsh weather and unexpected obstacles.

And Vivienne takes her very first step, utters her first phrase as her thickening hair turns lighter like her father's.

Nunnally flies back abroad to continue her masters in designs but not without Suzaku asking for her hand.

Gino gifts Kallen a photobook which documents her journey to motherhood - from the very first time that they discovered that she was pregnant until Vivienne uttered her first word which was 'mama'. Stolen pictures of Kallen caressing and looking softly at her tummy as she rested infront of their window. Images of her cooking in the kitchen, reading baby books, and getting emotional over a TV series. Upon receiving the album, Kallen insisted that she was not crying eventhough tears were flowing down her cheeks. There are photos in black and white, silhouette and close-ups. But Gino's most favorite is of his daughter sleeping soundly on his wife's chest. The serenity and contentment that it has brings so much joy to the blonde man's soft heart.

Cornelia became a permanent fixture in the pet shop with her saying that it was surprisingly therapeutic to be with so much animals and dealing with matters related to pets. She had even contemplated about buying a cat but quickly dismissed the idea and decided that she is too lazy to accept responsibilities as big as keeping a pet.

And one day, all of them gathered together, sitting excitedly infront of Kallen's television, a bottle of wine sits on the center table – opened but untouched, as the news anchor announces the first ever celebrity to attempt and successfully conquered the tallest mountain in the world. They all listen together as the anchor tells the initial details about Lelouch arriving at the peak and taking his first step onto the summit.

Cheers echo in the tiny living room of the Weinbergs, a celebratory rush fills the air. Wine glasses are passed from one hand to another, sips are taken with a smile on their faces.

But above all this joyful atmosphere, above all the noise and laughter, a relieved look is draped over their eyes as one phrase resounds in their heads.

He is alive.

* * *

So this is Everest's peak, huh?

He is freaking at the summit?

He is literally at the fucking top of the world?

A bubble of laughter wants to escape his chest but he finds it hard to inhale when all the exhilaration, disbelief and wonder press against his body at the same time leaving him breathless and speechless.

His amethyst eyes eat every scenery that is surrounding him, greedy for the blinding white that covers the mountain like a thick blanket protecting them from the cold itself.

He chuckles at the irony. Everest, Everest, Everest. He is finally on top of Mt. Everest. This is what he has been preparing for for more than a year and now, finally, he is here.

Wow. He is simply overwhelmed by everything.

A gasp beside him catches his attention and he finds Milly standing beside him, eyes shining with unshed tears.

"We really made it," she whispers. "I can't believe that we really made it." She looks up at Lelouch and finally the tears fall on her cheeks. "This is not even part of my dreams. But… But… oh my God, we did it. I never imagined…"

Lelouch puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her towards him. In a voice that mirrors his manager's, he utters, "Me, too, Milly. Me, too. And if not for your determination and stubbornness, I won't be standing here with everyone so thank you."

"You're welcome," she sniffs.

Suddenly, a heavy weight lands on his shoulders until pairs of arms circle around him and Milly and the whole team shares a hug worth of courage, bravery, and resilience. A hug worth of almost backing out, of homesickness and of helplessness when exhaustion overshadowed their goal. A hug that had built a new family among them.

Lelouch looks up and finds Sherpa Parakram staring off at the mountains. Carefully, he extracts himself from the group and stands before his guide. Reverence and contentment are reflected on Parakram's eyes and Lelouch wonders how he sees the scene before them. He wonders how Parakram feels everytime he sets his feet on the summit. Does his heart still race? Does he still find himself catching his breath as he witness the beauty underneath him? Does he feel like the collective hope of impossibilities as he stands just little under the bright sun? Does he - ?

" _Ma gharamā chu_ ," Parakram utters silently.

Lelouch smiles to himself and follows his companion's line of sight. He marvels at the sight before him with a new sense of deeper appreciation of nature. And finally, he understands why Parakram would always climb the Everest no matter how hard and dangerous it is.

Because you will always return to your home.

* * *

 _Three months later_

"Wow, there are a lot of people waiting for you outside."

"Do I look okay? Is my hair fixed? No stray eyelashes on my cheeks?"

"You look great and you will do great. We are all proud of you, especially Vivienne."

C.C. lets out a calming breath before stepping out from behind the curtain. It is the bright fluorescent light that greets her first, almost blinding her. Has the library's bulb been this bright before? Then she hears the host calls her name and the audience bestows an enthusiastic applause as she goes to the center of the stage.

"Let us all welcome the upcoming writer that will soon be the talk of the town, the author of today's bestselling poetry anthology, 'Please Come Back', Ms. Cecilia Corabelle!"

Her heart is a wild lion inside her chest but she keeps a composed smile and posture outside as she politely bows before her audience.

This is it.

This is really happening.

She is truly doing what has been her once forgotten dream.

She is definitely chasing the dream that was so long overdue.

Her love for words.

Her adoration for magical stories and mesmerizing poetries.

Her devotion to writing.

From being a special gift for her birthday years ago, her words are now part of the shelves available to anyone who finds himself/herself craving for an escape from reality. Hoping that somehow, they could find comfort and solace in the pages of her little book.

Just like how she found serenity while expressing her deepest thoughts and emotions in a piece of paper until her fingers wouldn't stop moving, until her mind wouldn't let her sleep at night, until her heart felt so much more alive when words turned into phrases then eventually entangled as a prose carrying the chaotic rhythm of her heart.

She is very much grateful for Dr. Croomy for encouraging her to write her thoughts during her stay in the hospital. Those notebooks that she had brought home became her mirror and foundation to create something hopeful out of her darker days.

And now, she hopes that she can give even the tiniest light to those who are trapped in the dark.

"Our readers are curious, Ms. Cecilia…"

"You can call me C.C."

"Well, Ms. C.C., our readers here are curious as to why you chose 'Please Come Back' as the title of your book. Does it pertain to a certain person?" the host good-naturedly asks.

"Well…" Her golden eyes roam around the waiting crowd and her heart is thudding so much more than before and her throat feels like drying up and does she have a voice to speak? Did she drink a glass of water earlier? God, she cannot remember.

 _Get a grip, Cecilia. This is your moment._

Clearing her throat, she takes a deep breath and answers slowly. "Well… I chose it as a title because the poems written inside it depict different levels of longing. Yet, it is not necessarily a longing for a person. It could be a longing for an opportunity you missed out that will never return. An opportunity that was once in a lifetime yet you let it slipped past your fingers. Or reminiscing memories that made you sentimental, giving you this feeling of wistful nostalgia and making you wish that you could come back at the very moment it had happened. Or a longing for a feeling that you have forgotten, longing for the person you were before, and for the person that you wanted to be. And of course, longing for someone who you lost while you try to find the answers to your questions, who you lost due to poor decision makings, who you lost because of the pain you have caused them." She gulps. " 'Please Come Back' is not just a collection of poetries. For me, it is filled with reminiscence, wishes, regrets, and hope. The title may sound desperate, but along with the intense wanting for something to return, a person will also strive to be a better version of himself or herself so that when that one thing, or that one person finally comes back, he or she will be ready to face whatever fate might bring. And I hope that you'll find something in here, too. I hope that it can give you strength and inspiration to wake up to another day. And I hope that it will help you realize that you matter. That there are people who love and support you even though you feel that you are alone in your battles."

The audience are stunned into silence after her speech. Alarmed, C.C. looks apologetically to the host. "I'm sorry, I said too much."

The host shakes her head as if she is waking up from a trance. "No, that's fine, but wow. We are just on the first question and you've already given us really encouraging words. I could only imagine what you have written in your book."

C.C. blushes. "Thank you."

The Q&A portion has been a healthy exchange of thoughts and ideas between C.C. and the audience. She cannot help but feel surreal – to be casually interacting with these strangers so easily. If someone had told her younger self that she will be sitting infront of hundreds of people, talking about personal stuff and sharing her inner thoughts without succumbing to a panic attack, she would definitely laugh at that person's face.

But now… All she feels is gratitude and… peace.

She searches the faces of the audience. Young and old, people of different status, people from different places, of differing beliefs and culture being united by their love for words.

She glances at the side of the stage and sees Kallen.

 _Thank you. Thank you._

When the book signing portion arrives, C.C. gladly signs each book that is presented to her. She does not mind that her wrist is now limited to just a certain number of movements due to the damage it had gained before. She is thankful for everyone.

Receiving another copy, she opens it to the title page only to be greeted by a short note. Surprised, she quickly looks up to the person infront of her, her eyes wide as saucers… Her amber eyes meeting amethyst ones.

She looks back to the page, completely rendered speechless by the unexpected guest. Hand shaking, she tries to answer the note as legibly as possible.

"Congratulations. I am so proud of you."

She nods once.

"Thank you," she whispers, her heart racing once again.

Finishing her signature, she hands the book back to the owner until she is given a grateful smile and he disappears into the crowd. His hooded and masked appearance causes him to blend so well with the public.

C.C. blinks.

What happened? What did just happen?

"Ms. C.C., are you okay?"

She turns to the source of the voice and finds that the organizer is looking at her worriedly.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine," she answers yet her eyes linger to the spot where he was standing before. She can still see his form, can still smell his scent. His heat is a palpable thing burning her skin.

She smiles.

And C.C. believes that as long as you're alive, promises and wishes do come true.


	20. chapter 20

_Cecilia,_

 _Words cannot describe how proud I am of your achievements right now._

 _You are a strong, talented and amazing person and I am grateful to be standing in the same space with you._

 _Will you be kind and grace an ordinary person like me with your presence over a cup of warm coffee?_

 _Your greatest admirer,_

 _Lelouch_

* * *

 _Thank you._

 _And yes, I will._

 _Always,_

 _Cecilia_

 ** _-Fin-_**


	21. chapter 21

**Author's Note:** I got the idea of Sherpas from watching a documentary about their lives in Discovery Channel. I'm not an expert on any mountain expedition and Sherpa culture, the things I wrote here are based on my experiences in mountain climbing, researches, and documentaries. I am sorry for the mistakes that I've made. I don't intend to offend anyone.

Aaaaaaaand that's it. "Please Come Back" has come to an end and I am deeply and truly grateful for all of you who accompany me through this journey. This was such a special story, obviously much heavier than "The Prince and The Witch", and I hope that somehow, it leaves something to you. I hope that you were able to find something that you can carry with you from this story. I am thankful for your reviews. They all guided and inspired me as I wrote PCB. I read all of them and I appreciate the time that you exert to leave them. I appreciate your precious time that you spare for this story.

Again, I am sorry for the grammatical errors. After I'm done with my other story, I am planning to re-check and edit everything. Not the story, but the grammar for that matter. Really apologize for the inconvenience. And if ever I offended anyone because of the theme of this story, I am sorry.

I would surely miss this LelouchxCC AU. I would surely miss the angst in this but wow, it was emotionally draining writing this. But I love every bit of the writing process.

So yeah, that's it for PCB. Again, thank you very much.

Stay hopeful.


	22. Playlist

Hi! I made a Spotify playlist for this story. It's in my Spotify account, thesleepyninja15. The link is in my profile but I think it won't redirect you to the website (?)

The songs included are:

 ***Lonely by Bolbbalgan4**

 ***Hard to Love by Bolbbalgan4**

 ***Remember You by GOT7**

 ***How To Save A Life by The Fray**

 ***Still I Try by The Honey Trees**

 ***Gravity by Sara Bareilles**

 ***Somebody Else by The 1975**

 ***Down by Jason Walker**

 ***Tell Me How by Paramore**

 ***Hurt by Christina Aguilera**

 ***Beautiful Goodbye by Chen**

 ***Thank You by GOT7**

 ***Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol**

 ***Last Hope by Paramore**

 ***Life is Beautiful by The Afters**

You can also check out the one I made for 'Geass Playlist'.

I might create playlists for my other stories, too, like 'The Prince and The Witch'.

Have fun listening!

Thank you very much for reading this story.


End file.
